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Parenting

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Original poster

Hate my life! Why on earth did I have children? I don't even like kids!

81 replies

uhoh2016 · 25/08/2017 14:45

Mum to 3 ds and I hate every single living day. Why I had 3 of them I really don't know because I hate kids, they bore and annoy me. Don't get me wrong i love them and care for them they want for nothing but I don't actually like them. Im such a horrible person for even feeling like this they deserve so much better this.
I'm sick of the same mundane crap day after day I literally sit and cry a lot of the time I'm just empty.
If I had the financial means I would walk out the door and never come back. I've even thought about how I could end it all. My dh is a great Dad and husband I love him dearly. Although he's not a talker or one for showing emotion he does see that I struggle and helps out as much as he can he's probably the only reason I continue with this so called life .
Sorry just needed to rant

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fleshy · 25/08/2017 23:55

There was a long thread on here somewhere about how parenting effects your mental health. There was a few studies that said being a parent makes people as unhappy as divorce, and while I'm childfree so can't advise, the amount of complaining that parents do indicates that you are not alone by any means. I don't think you're necessarily depressed, having a kid really doesn't seem to be rewarding and that's ok. It's taboo to say it though.

hellokitsy · 26/08/2017 00:26

Parenting is much much harder than dealing with a violent prisoner.

From a true authority! Kind of encouraging to read that.

OP, I've been feeling like you too, it is hard and you have to endure it but is there something you could look into for a bit of a change in routine? A hobby you used to love that you can join a club for or something? I just made inquiries about joining a choir which I'm pleased about.

I think things get much easier as they get older..

hellokitsy · 26/08/2017 00:29

I often say to my DH, imagine spending your day with a person following you around alternately shouting at you, demanding things, clinging to you and trying to kiss you, talking over the top of you, and spreading mess round the house. No sane person would sign up for that!

I know there's good parts too but sometimes you feel stuck in the bad parts.

It is probably unhelpful to dwell on your choice to have children. Unless they're in danger, you've got them for a long while yet, it may not help to daydream about the what ifs.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Veterinari · 26/08/2017 00:34

OP as PP have said - you are not alone.

Can your DO share the burden? Why are you primary carer?

StarlightExpress5 · 26/08/2017 00:37

Loving your kids but not liking them or being a parent is a taboo subject, particularly if you're a woman, because of this I suspect it is more common than people think.

Original poster

uhoh2016 · 26/08/2017 05:03

vet dh works long days often 12-14hours but he does do his fair share when he's here and I work on his day off. He's a great Dad. He doesn't get involved in any of the organising tho that's all left to me, like he wouldn't know when they're back at school, if they have got a uniform yet or what parties they got coming up etc.
He does bedtime better than me I've usually lost the will to live by then and have either cried or shouted

OP posts:

BeauMirchoff · 26/08/2017 06:19

You're not alone, OP. Parenting is fucking hard and after I had my second DC, I decided not to ever let my DH twist my arm to have another one. I love my kids but I also want to enjoy MY life and I'm not atm.

tinypop4 · 26/08/2017 06:55

It's really fucking relentless and repetitive op and I only have 2 little dc. Yesterday I cried on the phone to my mum about this very thing. It's normal to feel bored and unstimulated.
If you are having suicidal thoughts and crying for large chunks of time however I would urge a visit to your go as you do sound depressed. for you hang on in there

guiltybystander · 26/08/2017 07:11

I will be absolutely murdered for asking this but why did you have 3 children if you feel like this? Even after having just 1-2 kids you pretty much know how tiring and relentless parenting is, so why have another one on top of them? It's like deliberately putting your hand into the fire then crying how much it hurts.

Samoyedydog · 26/08/2017 07:22

@uhoh2016 Sadly I felt like you for a long, long time. I had DS when I was very young and for years I just hated my decision (but still loved and cared for him like you say) it got easier over time as he got older and more independent. He's 10 now and I really don't feel that way at all and totally enjoy spending time with him. I'm actually feeling like I want more now I feel really sad that I didn't/couldn't enjoy his younger years and I think that's a lot of what is making me feel like I want more, I feel like I would do it differently this time but in reality it would probably be the same because babies/young children are such hard work and a lot of its boring work too! Your youngest is still really young so maybe you will feel better as he gets older.

BellaGoth · 26/08/2017 07:38

guilty I think there are lots of reasons why people go in to ha enough more children, despite finding it tough already. Contraception failures are the obvious one, not everyone could go through with a termination.

For me, after I had my eldest I was firmly in the "never again" camp. But then he got older, and easier, and I thought maybe it wasn't my bad parenting. Maybe I was just unlucky to get a refluxy, dairy intolerant baby. And I remembered how miserable I'd been growing up an only child. So we started to ttc and got pregnant straight away.

Second child is 12 months. Eldest stopped being easier, and instead started to develop traits of autism. I honestly didn't think I'd be so unlucky to get a second bad sleeper.

Obviously I don't know OPs reasons. Maybe she was just being daft. Maybe she had good reasons at the time. Maybe she just made a mistake. It's done now though, isn't it?

Original poster

uhoh2016 · 26/08/2017 08:08

guilty don't worry it's a question I ask myself on a daily basis. What in God's name was going on in my head to think this was a good idea. Dc 1 was a doddle I was a sahm mum then dc2 cane along, my mum was very ill at the time I had a horrible pregnancy and I struggled the toddler and new born stage. Dc3 just topped me over the edge psychologically suddenly it's like trying to spin plates on sticks with one hand and hopping on one foot. They were all easy babies they ate and slept well.

OP posts:

tinypop4 · 26/08/2017 08:14

guilty there's not a lot of point in asking that now - she's got 3 DC and she's in the eye of the storm as I'm assuming they are young.
More usefully, we could make suggestions about how the op could make changes or see somebody to make her life easier, or simply reassure her that nothing lasts forever.

PebblesFlintstone · 26/08/2017 08:20

I think the age of your youngest DC is difficult and it will get easier. I know you can't afford the extra childcare at the moment but hopefully it will make a difference when they have their 30 hours free. If I were you, I would stick to working part-time if you can and then have some child-free time when the extra childcare becomes available. I found it made a huge difference to my mental health when my youngest DC went a couple of hours to pre-school on my non-working days and I actually had some time without working or looking after children. A lot of it is relentless.

Helloyouitsme · 26/08/2017 08:22

I think it's a fair question tbh even if it's only to learn from it eg make sure you have good contraception in place to prevent number 4.

SavoyCabbage · 26/08/2017 08:25

I think you should go back full time if you earn more than £60 a day to cover the costs. It will be only until you get the free hours anyway.

Then your dh will have to pull,his weight more too.

Fartypant · 26/08/2017 08:30

Your youngest is only 2. It is going to get better as your youngest gets older. Do want gets you through, until then.

Do you live near an Ikea? You can deposit kids in their creche, for free. Then you are free to wander the store/sit in the cafe (with a pager)...find small things to relieve the pressure/drudgery

Mittens1969 · 26/08/2017 08:40

At 2 years old you can put a child in a playgroup for 2/3 hours a couple of times a week so that you have some childfree time. That really helped me.

dementedma · 26/08/2017 08:42

No answers but another one sympathizing. Am very un maternal and didn't enjoy huge parts of raising adult dds. Now also have teen ds - very unplanned. I sometimes still feel resentful that Im not free of it all yet. That although the girls are adults I still have school stuff and teenage stuff...it does get better when they are older and you can start to reclaim bits of your life.

lavenderpekins · 26/08/2017 08:44

Where abouts are you op?

I went on a parenting course a few years ago which was SO helpful and encouraging.

What activities use to bring you joy pre kids?

Lots of what you describe I've felt on difficult days but if this is your everyday I think some really good counselling would help.

Well done for surviving thus far, you sound like a really strong person. Hugs

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 26/08/2017 08:52

Not sure if this helps but I'm a child of a mum who couldn't cope (I'm now 35). I'm a twin and me and my twin sister only exist by accident as mum had a coil in as she already had 2 children under 4. She struggled so much with 4 kids. She got very depressed. She couldn't cope. She didn't know what to do. Dad helped as much as he could but mum suffered hugely.
By the time we'd got older (mid to late teens) mum was much better. Now she is a happy and busy lady, whose kids now make her very happy. And though she looks back on our early years and remembers how hard it was, it was only a small part of hers and ours lives. And we've turned out pretty well. I think what I'm trying to say is....it gets better. You'll get happier. These times don't last forever.

IrritatedUser1960 · 26/08/2017 08:54

Nobody likes small children OP, they are both boring and loud.
The reward comes when they grow up I promise you. If you can hang on in there and be a good mum you will have three lovely gems you will adore once they are over 20
I found the childhood phase tedious to the extreme, I longed for 24 hour adult company and peace and quiet but now my son is grownup I would not be without him ever.

frogsoup · 26/08/2017 08:55

Hang on in there, it gets slightly easier. At 2 you can't really leave them unsupervised at all, it's relentless. My youngest of 3 is 3.5 and can now occupy himself for good periods when I can semi switch off and do my own stuff, and will even sit and watch a film sometimes with his siblings. It's still fairly relentless, but there is light at the end of the tunnel

OrangeButton · 26/08/2017 09:01

Hey OP,

Can you afford something like a yoga class one evening a week? Not for being flexible etc but it's a peaceful adult only place! And not all yoga classes (or participants) are hardcore. It seems in the short term you need a bloody break! And that could be a cheapish way of getting some headspace.

SouthWestmom · 26/08/2017 09:04

I was going to write this yesterday op but chickened out.

As people we can't deal with everything, it's like at work I'm great at some of it and need support/to delegate with others. Unfortunately you can't really do that with kids as when they are with you they need a lot of different skills all at once.

I rang my mum and told her I was getting to the point of leaving - it helped to tell someone.

I'm not sure about depression, I think you need a professional to talk that through. I'm not depressed, I'm just not skilled enough to enjoy every aspect of parenting teenagers.

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