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Original poster

What do I do about meeting ex mil I haven't seen in over a year

37 replies

harleysmammy · 21/08/2017 05:11

My son is 4 months old and I haven't seen or spoken to his dad or his nan since I was 8 weeks pregnant. He walked out of me, his mother then threatened to get me into trouble with ss because I kept asking him to step up and be a dad. I never have and never will ask him for money, I just wanted him to step up and see our baby. I had to get the police involved to tell them to stay away from me after they made threats. (Can I just add I'm not a riff raff type so any kind of fight with another person, I am not used too and it was threw me). So I haven't seen or heard from them since then. I knew there was some history of heart problems (ex bil died of it) but I didn't know what as my son's dad wouldn't tell me. Anyway, my son had a heart scan when he was a few hours old and everything was fine.

I had a message of ex mil earlier which I didn't see until I noticed I had a message request. I was shocked, upset and scared and my mind went to straight to "oh my god ex partner is dead". I don't know why but that seemed the only reason I'd hear from her.
It was actually about a health issue that affected it could affect my son. I said I was happy to meet her because if it affects my son, I have to bite the bullet even if I don't want too. She said ex partner won't be there so I said fine but I'd like to know what's happening first, so she told me that everyone in her family has a faulty gene. Something to do with the heart I'm presuming (google didn't tell me much). After having a break down, crying until I was physically sick and not being able to lift my head of my pillow from the headache I had, I phoned my sister to ask if she could come with me as I was a but nervous about being on my own with her with the baby. My sister is 9 days over due and I then realised I couldn't possibly ask her to come a 35 minute journey on the bus with her already 3 year old. My dad is working and can't get the time off. Everyone else I know is working or busy (I have asked everyone I know, even people I haven't seen in months). My family are bewildered that I'd even think about going on my own with the baby to her house BUT I need to ask questions for my own sanity and so I know my baby is okay. I'm not going to find out how ex partner is, I'm not going to tell her how much shit he put me through or to argue with her. I simply need to know and ask questions.

What do I do if she asks to hold him? If I've ever seen ex partner in town, he's never stopped to see him but I've always put the cover over the pram (only so if he wanted to see he would have to come over and make the effort instead of just glancing over). Am I being unreasonable to go on my own? I can't physically stand another night not knowing and it's not something I can just google and find the answers. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 21/08/2017 05:18

Why do you have to see her? Can't she just tell you what this faulty gene is? Do you not think thinks just a ruse to meet your son?

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 21/08/2017 05:24

I wouldn't go. She can send you the details or you wait until someone can accompany you. Sounds very manipulative on her part and a trap. If it's important she can tell you by phone.

stellacat123 · 21/08/2017 05:38

She can message you the necessary detail or tell you on the phone. There's absolutely no need to see her face to face, if you do don't take baby. Previous dealings definitely suggest you can't trust her - I would think it's just a lie so she can see her grandchild so again - do not take him if you go but there's absolutely no reason to meet her. Get the facts and speak to GP to establish whether it's possibly true. I'm not sure if GP's able to check their medical records and family history? Do not let her feel in control, she already intimidating you. Hope everything turns out ok xx

user1493413286 · 21/08/2017 05:41

I'd meet her in a public place if you feel you have to. After the threats made going to het house sounds risky.
Also if you don't want her to hold or touch him then say no.

SenoritaViva · 21/08/2017 05:41

I would not go. If I did I certainly would not take my son nor meet at her house (local cafe). No pleasantries, factual info then leave.

I would ask her to simply write the condition in an email and you'll take it from there.
Alternatively,and I have no idea the answer to this, can you rather retrieve info via courts.

Sounds like game playing to me.

Glamorousglitter · 21/08/2017 05:57

I would definitely not go alone and absolutely do not bring the baby. The idea of meeting her in a public place sounds safer alright - coffee shop / park. Much better idea . As difficult as it is to wait I would find a date where you have someone to mind the baby and go with a witness. Especially for your and your baby s safety. It sounds like blackmail. I m not a medical expert but your baby s heart was checked out and he s doing fine so it s obviously information that although important is not as urgent, and I don't mean to minimise the worry you re going through, because it awful to hear that kind of information. However your baby has been checked already by experts and had usual paeds checkd by GP so you know that he is ok at the moment. Hopefully he will continue to be just fine. She sounds manipulative and horrible I would defiantly keep the baby away from any visits.

Sleephead1 · 21/08/2017 06:23

Op dont go all you need from her is name of condition then go to your Gp to discuss. Dont go to her house alone you could be trapped in her home with your baby. She may be abusive to you, your ex could be their. Its too risky if she wont tell you name and insists on meeting then arrange for when someone can come with you and dont take your baby. You cant trust these people and dont know their intentions.

PerfectPenquins · 21/08/2017 06:44

Dont go and certainly dont go to her house. She has shown you who she is by the threats she made previously. She wouldnt be going anywhere near my baby. If she is telling the truth ask her to message you the details. Then go to your gp and if she tells you what the issues are you can tell the gp and if she dosnt then you should say there is possibly such and such in paternal family what can we do for little one.

littlemisssweetness · 21/08/2017 06:45

Nope don't meet her. All you need is the name of the condition which she can tell you online. I'd be surprised if there actually is anything tho she's probably using this as a way to see baby

mycatloveslego · 21/08/2017 06:57

She is manipulating you. She has known all along about this condition but never told you before, so why now? She wants something else.

Don't meet her-ask her to send you the name of the condition.
If you really can't bear waiting, meet her in a public place without the baby. She isn't trustworthy and doesn't care for your baby like you do. It is your job to protect your DS from harm so your are well within your rights to do this on your own terms.

CatsAreAssholes · 21/08/2017 07:06

All the above might be (probably is?) true, but you still have to go. And you still have to not poss her off by asking for a message instead of meeting her.

Dontbhand her the baby unless you feel comfortable doing so. Be very polite but brisk, explain he has a doctor's appt in a half hour so you need to be quick.

CatsAreAssholes · 21/08/2017 07:07

Or yes give pregnant sister the baby. Even if she goes in to labour youll have time to get back when presumably you look after her three year old

Original poster
harleysmammy · 21/08/2017 07:33

She has told me the name of the faulty gene but when I asked more she said she'd rather talk face to face. I don't think it is a ploy to see us because she had arranged to meet my other sister behind my back so she didn't "upset me" and I do know there is a gene somewhere that is faulty because of my ex bil. I don't want to go, I don't want to see her and I especially don't want to take my baby back to the house because it will being so many bad memories back and I don't want to be reminded but it's my sons health and welfare, I need to just get a grip and bite the billet don't I? My heads so far in the shed I don't know what to do

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 21/08/2017 07:38

Could you meet her in a public place without the baby? Just a quiet coffee shop or something?

Original poster
harleysmammy · 21/08/2017 07:39

She's housebound apparently as I did ask to meet in costa..I don't know how true that is because I haven't seen her in a year but that's what she's saying. That's the only reason I'm willing to go to her house is because that's the only way I get to know what could be wrong with my son, I just don't know

OP posts:
Velvian · 21/08/2017 07:40

If you know the name of the gene you can talk to your gp & they can refer you to a specialist. Don't take the baby & meet in public if you do go.

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/08/2017 07:41

What's the gene op? A lot of us here are medical and can maybe help with interpretation/reassurance.

Dozenmorewonthurt · 21/08/2017 07:43

You have the name of the gene. Make an appointment with your GP to discuss, if you have any further questions then arrange to meet in a public place without the the baby.

IfYouDontImagineNothingHappens · 21/08/2017 07:46

I'd speak to your GP first! They'll have more information or share it on here, someone is bound to know more

Sleephead1 · 21/08/2017 07:50

But op shes not a consultant on this condition do you honestly thibk she can tell you more then a doctor you have the name, whatever she tells you, you are going to have to see gp anyway so why do you need to see her. Just speak to gp you may need referral but you have all the info you need from her. Please dont go

lunar1 · 21/08/2017 08:03

You know the name of the gene, go to the GP. This all sounds very manipulative, you'd be mad to go there taking your baby into this situation.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 21/08/2017 08:15

You know the name of the gene. You don't need to see her you need to see a doctor.

Fabellini · 21/08/2017 08:16

This is not in the best interests of the health and welfare of your baby, it's just not. There is absolutely no need to go to her house, and definitely no need to take your baby with you.

Your ex partners mother is being manipulative. I don't understand why you think it's a good thing that she spoke to your sister behind your back....the "not wanting to upset you" is nonsense.
You have the name of the gene, and you know about your ex partners brother, so you can make an appointment with your GPo ask about it if you're concerned.

Original poster
harleysmammy · 21/08/2017 08:17

MYH 11 or MHY 11, it's something to do with the heart I think, I assume anyway as that is what bil passed from. Anyone know about the gene? X

OP posts:
yomellamoHelly · 21/08/2017 08:31

Think my first port of call would be gp to ask for testing. It would not be a visit to ex MIL.

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