Could someone explain this to an expectant mum?

[EssentialHummus]

First off: I'd really rather this didn't turn into "ha ha ha wait til it's your turn, we'll see what a great parent you are then" - I'm asking because I genuinely want to understand this, not to criticise anyone's parenting. I've no idea what I'll do in practice.

I'm very pregnant and attend an antenatal club. A few women there who already have older children were describing the tears/tantrums their DC had over very minor things ("I cut his toast the wrong way" etc).

In each case the mums were then genuinely upset that they'd (in the example above) run out of bread so couldn't re-do it.

I found myself thinking that if I was faced with this situation right now, my attitude would be, There's the toast, eat it or don't, and if you want to tantrum be my guest.

So - if you've found yourself in a similar situation, how do you react and why, assuming the child in question is neurotypical? It's been playing on my mind since Friday and I'd love to hear from others.

I agree about picking battles and prempting any potential issues (such as cutting food in the way they like). Don't forget that toddlers do not have the mental capacity that an adult does so you are not able to rationalise with them; they are still learning and developing and don't understand why things cannot be certain ways. There are things that are very important to toddlers and things that are important to you - if a toddler has a massive tantrum or is the sort of child who holds his/her breath until he/she passes out when tantruming and you need to get out of the house for the school run or work or whatever else you are doing, life is much much easier to just do what works.

Toddlers and children in general have very little control over their lives and if you read up about the psychology behind it, letting them feel they have some choice (this outfit today or that outfit) helps them massively. Food in particular is one of the areas children can assert some control so making it a non issue really is the best thing.

Tiny people have very little control over their world. Things like having the toast cut in a certain way is important to them.

Dismissing their opinions and feelings at this age is setting them up for s life time of trouble.

Best thing to do in my experience is to prempt the issue by asking for their preference prior to taking action.

Things that seem unreasonable to us, just aren't to them.

If it isn't much hassle to make new toast than I'd do it. If we're running late or trying to get out then I wouldn't and I'd explain why.

I agree with the picking battles. It's not the end of the world if i have to re-do some toast. I can't be coping with the whining all day long and sometimes i do things to have an easier life. However there are some things i won't give into.

If they ask me nicely I'll do it. If not, no.

Often there's wailing before being reminded remembering to ask nicely. But that's okay as they're still learning how to negotiate the world. One of my dc is prone to massive tantrums, daily. It's hard. But I never let him scream and shout at me for things and give it to him. He has to calm down first.

Because they're just children.

What seems inconsequential to an adult is a 'big deal' to someone who's only two.

Just think of it as dealing with a drunk person who doesn't speak much english, they struggle and get frustrated when you don't understand and are prone to over emotional irrational outbursts. And lots of falling over and spilled drinks!