Thinking about having a Baby, now terrified after talking to a new mum.

[Vonni1]

Hi,

I know this is probably totally normal, but my husband and I have been talking about having a baby, even to the point where I am planning on coming off the pill at the end of this packet. Just spoke to someone at work to get some advise, her baby is 18 months old. I'm now terrified! It sounds scary, more than I thought it would be. I asked her if there were any positives and didn't get a lot. Was just told about the lack of sleep, your never alone again, no time for you, can't go out...

To be honest I know this, but assumed that there would be some positives and now all I can think is, 'Christ, how on earth will I cope in a life like that!' My husband and I have a very strong relationship and he has agreed with me on having a baby, he's not the type of guy to do something just to keep me happy, but I'm terrified that the changes will be too much for us.

Any words of advice or support would be appreciated, starting to doubt the decision i'd made now. Assumed that it would be worth it.. all the negatives.

thanks all.

I hated pregnancy, rather liked giving birth (both times, yes, really), and liked the 'helpless baby' stage for DC1, but disliked it for DC2 (as second time round babies are a lot less fascinating).

There are bits I have hated (DC1 potty training; DC2 trying to breastfeed; the days where they are just pissed off and want to scream - earplugs help), but overall it's been wonderful. I am blessed with a supportive partner who does half the work, and babies who have 'slept through' (I ignore the waking for a bottle in the middle of the night for this as they go straight back down) from a very early age.

His smile. It's like the sun coming up.

I felt the same as you pre-baby. My daughter is now 10 weeks old & I'm having a lovely time. I didn't get the 'rush of love' people go on about, and I felt like the first 2-3 weeks were really hard. It was just the shock I think. Now she just sort of 'fits in' - we go on great walks with her in the carrier & have nice days in the garden. I love watching her taking everything in, and seeing her little personality develop already.

People sometimes romanticise or give horror stories about having a baby. My husband always describes the experience as 'fine' - people think it's mean but it's sort of how I feel - it's just sort of normal life, like having a dog! She just makes the days more fun and interesting. (As does our dog!)

I wasn't that sure about it all either - I wouldn't have had kids if DH wasn't so keen. It has been the most wonderful surprise (and relief) to fall completely in love with my DS (now 4 months) - I already can't imagine life without him.

When we were TTC, I felt more positive after I read French Children Don't Throw Food and realised that sleepless nights and out of control toddlers are not a given. It also really helped to discuss with DH early on about how we would parent - we agreed a lot of things before DS got here so we haven't (yet) had too many disagreements on our approach.

Whatever you decide, there is no wrong decision on this, only your decision. Good luck!

The pure joy on their face when they see you. The big snuggly hugs. The rush of love at watching them sleep. The joy at watching them discover the world and grow into their own person.

Yes its hard work for no pay or thanks and its 24/7 but I wouldn't be without my 2

read French Children Don't Throw Food and realised that sleepless nights and out of control toddlers are not a given.

as a French person I assure you that they definitely do!!!!!

I thought the same when DD was 4 months....

Yes it is hard, yes you can not compare life before and after children but I would not change them for the world. In fact if we could afford it would quite like one more...