5 year old horror fan talks suicide

[GiGi67]

Hi. I met a really lovely Mum at my sons nursery and we have become good friends in the last year. We have totally different styles of parenting but we are in no way judgemental towards each other about because we both know that everybody does it differently.

Anyway her son has just turned 5 and is going to school this year and mine is still at nursery (4). They have regular playdates and like to video call each other. My problem is that her son is a big fan of horror films, he has been allowed to watch Freddy, Halloween etc since 4 and often describes in detail to my son about stomachs being cut open, guts falling out, getting murdered, horror villians coming to get them etc. He has also started talking about killing himself, not in any great detail, just that he is going to do it. I am constantly listening in when they are together and I ask them to talk about something else but its as if she just doesn't hear him say stuff like that. I don't know if she is aware of the suicide speak as its only really on a video call that he talks about it and she isn't often in the room.

I don't think my son or even his friend really knows what he is talking about but I don't want him listening to that sort of talk or getting upset by it as it really isnt age appropriate. I'm also totally freaked out about him talking about suicide.

How do I go about talking to the Mum about it? I don't want to appear confrontational/judgemental but I can't have my son listening to any more of that kind of talk.

Thanks in advance for any advice x

you have to tell her. If you want the friendship to continue just be honest and say you don't want your son being told his friend is going to commit suicide whether he knows what it means or not. If you haven't judged her so far she should take it as a fair comment on protecting your son but not losing the friendship. Also if her son mentions it to another adult it may flag concerns...

What ?
This is seriously worrying and to be honest abusive ! I would seriously consider whether to take this further and report to soc services because if he does attempt or carry out his threat then how would you feel if you do nothing! She is allowing him to be traumatised by inappropriate material!
What is she generally like as a parent ? Is this an aberation or is she generally rubbish at looking after him?
I suppose a lot depends on that !
P.s I am a foster carer and my threshold to report would be low so i am interested to see what others think !

I'd report her to social services. What a shit parent.

It's tantamount to abuse to let young children watch inappropriate films and a matter for social services. Poor little lad

I couldn't be friends with someone who let their 5 yr old watch that shit. I wouldn't trust their judgement nor would I relish their influence. However, if your married to the idea of a relationship I'd recommend outright explaining that you have different rules for yours and would appreciate it if hers kept the horror information to himself. Boggles the fucking mind

'Your son has been talking about suicide a lot recently. Is he ok? Do you think he understands what he's saying?'

'I try to change the subject when your son talks about death and gore so that his minds on more joyful things. Please can you ask him not to discuss these things with my DS as it gives him nightmares'

I'd also mention it to the nursery staff factually.

I'd also steer my son away from this friendship. The mother has inappropriate boundaries. They are getting to playdate age and no way would I trust her to make appropriate judgements for my child about screens

'

Horrific! I've I've been concerned about my 7yo (x2 at different times) watching pitch perfect while on play dates without my knowledge. It is seriously fucking appalling!

On second thought, I agree with the posters above - it is emotionally abusive.

Agree this is really shocking - there is no way a 5 year old could process these kind of films and separate the acting from reality. I would approach it along the lines of 'I don't want to alarm you but someone has let your son watch 18 cert horror films and he is now talking to my son about suicide' and take it from there. Unless you are certain it's the mother who has allowed it? Then I would call SS.

Wow. Well stop the video calls for starters. What else is this boy watching unsupervised? Poor lad. Maybe he can handle it, maybe not, but all I know my 3yo gets upset at Thomas the Tank engine sometimes!
I would be hoiking my judgy pants right up.
You need to protect your son too. How long before the boy tries acting out these scenes with no sense of what is appropriate or not? What is wrong with your friend?

'All the death and gore discussion is giving my child nightmares. So I think for my son, we better not Skype'

Thanks for the comments. I should have specifed that when they have playdates (may have used the wrong word there) that both of us Mums are there. She has offered sleep overs at hers which I have refused based on what I wrote above, I can't leave my son unattended with them.

We have a soft play date tomorrow. I think I am just thrown a little as she obviously doesn't see a problem with her son watching these things when they are so clearly inappropriate. I am definately going to discuss the suicide chat tomorrow with her and not let her shrug it off (which I think she will do) Its so serious. I have thought about talking to nursery staff about it and will do when they go back.

As a parent in general she is pretty passive, her son is quite spoiled, he doesn't take no for an answer, he eats a lot of junk food, her partner and son both call her fat all the time etc. She doesn't seem to have a happy home life and her son has problems with sleep which I think are easily explained but she can't see it.

It saddens me to say but I will faze them out if I have to but I wonder if maybe she is a bit depressed and that is what is clouding her judgement

It's tantamount to abuse to let young children watch inappropriate films and a matter for social services.

absolutely, and it causes trauma and ongoing mental health problems, but you would be amazed at how a parent can minimise and deny the issue.

There is a poster on the films forum called smellbellina who is completely ok with her 5 year old daughter enjoying the terror and agony and severed head and limbs in the film "Jaws", and even complaining that this is not gory enough for her and she prefers worse films.

She absolutely cannot take on board the damage her child's behaviour is evidencing, and even sneering at the suggestion that she is traumatised.

I would hope that having this plainly pointed out to her might lead her to temper what she exposes her child to in future, but I somehow doubt it. There is very little you can do in some cases.

poor child

This is shocking and I'm glad I am not the only one who would report to SS. This will really impact (already is, clearly) his mental health.

I work with a 5 year old who has seen the later Harry Potter films and he talks about them with such little understanding, then there was the jaws thread (I watched jaws aged 10 and I am still terrified of deep water), but this one is truly disturbing.

I agree even if this lad is not scared by the films they are not suitable to watch at such an impressionable age and its a very bad choice.

I wouldn't allow the friendship to continue. School will need to seek advice when they hear what you've heard.

Absolutely awful. Definitely abusive behaviour, I wouldn't hesitate to report her. Her son needs protection from this.

Glad i am not a judgemental old bag then and that everyone else agrees it warrants reporting to soc services!

Ps from what you say she is storing up big trouble for this child later on with lack of discipline and boundaries not to mention her partner training him up to be an abusive sexist !

I'd be ending the friendship and reporting to SS. It's abuse in the form of neglect not to put appropriate safeguards in place for watching age appropriate films etc. Poor little boy.

My mother let me watch anything I wanted when I was young. (Hellraiser, Freddy, Halloween etc) Freddy was my favorite movie at 2 and she's proud of the fact that my nursery asked her if I should be watching it when they came for a visit.

I NEVER talked about suicide, or murders or anything really, nor did I have nightmares.

This child should not be watching these movies and the mother should be taking what he's saying seriously, not shrugging off a 5 year old talking about suicide.

I'd be tempted to call ss to be honest.

Allowing a 4/5 year old to watch violent horror movies is child abuse. I would definitely talk to the nursery and probably SS as well. And no, she is most certainly not a 'really lovely mum'

That's seriously shit parenting. Not sure why you'd want to remain friends, or have your son be friends with hers? I'd be avoiding like the plague.

How can a parent's judgement be so badly wrong?

She's appallingly bad as a parent and I think you need to keep your son away.