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Parenting

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Original poster

If you could do it again... When would you get pregnant?

48 replies

funkynoodle · 20/07/2017 10:10

I'm 23 and not at the baby making stage yet but, if you could do it all over again (in regards to children) would you have had them earlier/later? Or would you have planned more? etc

OP posts:

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Ramallamadingdong · 20/07/2017 13:50

Earlier! I'm 39 but didn't meet my dh until I was 33. Only have one dd and am wondering how easy it will be to have another! So definitely earlier for me if I could have!

usersos · 20/07/2017 13:52

I wouldn't do it again!

AWhistlingWoman · 20/07/2017 13:54

Earlier, probably around 25.

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zinniazuri · 20/07/2017 13:55

I was 19 when I became pregnant. If I could do it all again and still have my gorgeous DC then I would wait until about 26.

NellieFiveBellies · 20/07/2017 13:57

This reply has been deleted

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drinkingtea · 20/07/2017 14:02

I had dc1 at 30, and 2 more within 6 years. It was probably about right, but I suspect if I'd had thematic different ages that would have been fine too :o Wouldn't want to be starting now in my 40s, but then ifI hadn't had them yet maybe I'd be younger and fitter for my age and it'd be fine DC3 didn't sleep for 2 and a half years which aged me at least 10 years extra

Gillian1980 · 20/07/2017 14:06

Earlier - with the hope is have more energy!

I was 36 and dh 40 when dd was born and my word I'm exhausted. Still planning on another in 2 years when I'll be 39 and dh. 43 though....

EsmeWeatherwax · 20/07/2017 14:10

Earlier. Had dd1 at 34, dd2 at 36 and ds at 39. On the other hand, had I actually started earlier, I'd probably have at least one more, so it's evened out...I'd still be knackered!

splendide · 20/07/2017 14:31

Same I think, I had DS at 34 and it's all worked out well so far, especially career wise. I'm only having one though, I can see I might've wished it were earlier if I was wanting a lot.

Haudyerwheesht · 20/07/2017 14:46

Marginally earlier - only by a few months though so not really worth talking about. I was 24 when I got pregnant with dc1.

Gunpowder · 20/07/2017 15:30

Given when I met DH (27)would keep it the same
DC1- 31
DC2 -34
DC3&4 -(am pg) 36
If I'd settled down earlier would have started in my late 20s though. I've been really lucky and conceived quickly but friends have struggled. And everything gets more risky in your late 30s.

Original poster

funkynoodle · 20/07/2017 15:44

Have any of you had any negative outcomes on your careers from having children at any age be it early or late?

Does motherhood in itself damage a career?

OP posts:

splendide · 20/07/2017 16:29

Motherhood hasn't damaged mine at all.

I was well established in my career so was able to take a year off (and had the money saved to do so) without feeling it hurt me at all. I went back full time but on flexible hours and have recently been promoted.

NevermindtheBollocks · 20/07/2017 16:37

It's damaged mine alot.

I have a career which means that you have to do alot in your own time in order to keep skills up to date. Also, there are many quakifications in different diciplines and many different levels within those qualifications, which you need to pay yourself for normally to progress and give alot of your outside life to.

Having kids has dramatically reduced the time I can give to my job so I have plateaued, which isn't so bad as I was qualified enough before having ds at 26. I can still get work. But I could get better, more interesting work if I didn't have kids.

There are many many people in my industry that haven't and will never have kids as they enjoy their lifestyle too much.

I have 2 dc now, youngest is 4. I'm only 33 so hoping I can kick start my career again and progress by the time I'm 35

NevermindtheBollocks · 20/07/2017 16:39

I should have stuck to 1, that way my career wouldn't have been as affected. But I love having my 2 d so it was a sacrafice worth making.

Also, if I'd had them both later, say in my mid 30s I have been better qualified & experienced in my job compared to when I had ds at 26. So later would have been better career wise.
Bit I love the fact that i'm 33 and past the baby stage

wineandsunshine · 20/07/2017 16:41

I would have waited until I was older - DS1 at 19, wasn't on the property ladder and little savings. Now we have 4 DS's and I have changed career too!

LadyFlumpalot · 20/07/2017 16:42

Not at the end of March.

That makes an Xmas day baby.

Sigh.

drinkingtea · 20/07/2017 16:47

I think it's accidentally helped me career wise, because I'm a frequent career changer and finally seem to have found something I really enjoy now that I've finally broken away from the massive pressure to have a prestigious graduate career my mum can boast about to her friends, and instead looked for something to fit around the kids :o

After career changing in a the wrong direction pre kids I took time to be a sahm and then as they got older looked around for a different job. By chance that turned out to be an incredibly satisfying and meaningful job which actually is family friendly, and I am now about to start training to do it at a career level not just as part-time job.

I was disillusioned with my career by the time dc1 was born so wouldn't have stayed in it even without having children.

FartnissEverbeans · 21/07/2017 00:21

I was 32 with DS and I think that was just right. I wouldn't have done it any earlier.

BogQueens · 21/07/2017 00:23

I wouldn't do it any earlier.

PhilTheSahd · 21/07/2017 00:31

I didn't have a career as such (was having to rely on short term jobs while getting foot in door of difficult industry with my low uni grades) when I became a dad, it was the right time for DW career wise but really not for me - I'm a sahd mostly to make the best of the situation (along with wishes of DW that one of us had more time with dd than she had in maternity leave) but I'm now feeling that I want a career but I'm at a disadvantage starting one now. Really wish I'd thought more about matching a career and family life around each other - probably would have chosen another career

drinkingtea · 21/07/2017 06:03

Phil why not use this as an opportunity to change career? There's no obligation to stick to something you chose at 21 if it's not working for you. I don't know how old you are, but you've probably got 35-40 years of working life ahead of you...

mimiholls · 21/07/2017 07:06

30 with dc1. Definitely wouldn't have done it earlier. I enjoyed all the experiences of my 20s so much and I think I would have resented not having had those experiences if I'd done it earlier. You do need to be established in your career and I don't see how you can do that much before 30.

CleverNever · 21/07/2017 07:10

I'd have had both exactly when I did, at 32 dor ds1 with established career and strong relationship, and 36 for ds2 (4.5 year age gap made it really easy and they're really great pals so far).

YoureNotASausage · 21/07/2017 07:18

I'd have them the same timing, 31, 32, 34, 36. My 20's were fabulous in a way they couldn't have been with kids. These baby years are haaarrrdd. But this is a good time to lose those years to the chaos and intensity and then hit 40 when they are all in school and getting more independent. I was lucky that the moment I wanted a baby I could have one.

My career in my 20s was also exciting and skyrocketing. What I did then could not be done with kids but I learned so much that I was able to set myself up brilliantly now with the babies (work from home low stress well paid job and full time nanny).

I literally have everything exactly how I wanted it.

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