If you could do it again... When would you get pregnant?

[funkynoodle]

I'm 23 and not at the baby making stage yet but, if you could do it all over again (in regards to children) would you have had them earlier/later? Or would you have planned more? etc

I had dd1 at 32 and dd2 at 34; DP was 36 and 38. We're hoping to go on to have more dc asap because we've realised as brilliant as it undeniably is, it is also hard and tiring and we definitely want to finish the baby stage while we're still youngish!

I'd say it was the perfect time for me and DP. We'd had busy, international and exciting 20s, free to focus on our careers and generally do what we wanted. We had also spent and saved a decent amount of money. At the point we had kids I was fucked off with my career and was more than happy to embrace being at home with the children and DP's career really started to take off.

As for career impact, there are two ways of looking at it. Otoh, having children has destroyed my career because it was TOTALLY unworkable with children unless DP had wanted to be a SAHP and I'd been happy to never see him or the children. Neither was the case. We thought it would also at least pause DP's career progression, but the opposite has been the case. DP took a much more family friendly role because he wanted to have as much time at home as possible and it has unexpectedly worked out way better than we could ever have expected. Otoh, it was our choice for DP to carry on working full time while I stayed at home, whatever the risk of that was, and we're very happy with the outcome so I haven't shed many tears over the fact that my career has gone down the toilet. I'm secretly hoping I can go on to a second more family friendly career once the children are a little bit older, so drinkingtea's post is really encouraging!

Would love to know what you've gone on to do drinkingtea...

drinkingtea You're spot on, I'm in my late twenties so lots of working life ahead and I'm strongly considering changing career - at least a different kind of role within the industry I've already learnt about. At the mo I'm looking for any job, without it necessarily having to lead to a career, to at least get me back into the routine and mindset of working. I've managed to do some training while a sahd and just before, so my options are a bit wider than they would be, but it's still not a perfect position for getting a job, having a cv where the last job is a couple of years ago and most of my jobs have been fairly short and I'm not even sure what career would best for me

I had my first when I was 22, and had my youngest 21 months later.

I'm 26 now and work in an industry to offers ZERO career progression to those who aren't willing to offer every waking hour.

And I'm not willing to do that.

So I'm treading water for now. But I don't think I'd change anything. I'm very young compared to the mums at the nursery gate but I don't think that bothers anyone.

I had mine at 30 and consider myself very lucky that I had twins and therefore never have to do it again. But i am glad I did do it at 30 and no later - a lot of my friends have just had their first and are 40ish,they are exhausted. Any earlier and I would have missed all the amazing fun and holidays I had in my 20s. I would advise getting all the travel done you want to do before getting pregnant as holidays are very different with kids!

Having kids has damaged my career - I had to leave a job I loved and am now struggling to find something else.

9 months earlier, so I would be done with it! I hated being pregnant and I am dreading doing it again, even though I'll know we're lucky if I do fall pregnant again. Pregnancy is one big crock of nasty shite, ime. I was not the glowing earth mother type...

Anyway, I was 33 first time around and that seemed to work out ok. Job wise I couldn't say for sure as I didn't go back in the end, but I think it would have been ok if I had. I was pretty well established in what I did. However I wanted a career break and a change anyway, ds was just the catalyst for doing something about it. I had done plenty of interesting things, travelled, and was ready to settle down for a while without too much resentment.

That said, I think the truth is that there's no absolute right time - I'm happy but the fact is that I torpedoed my career just as it might have gone somewhere and I gave up a lot of independence. If I'd been younger, I'd have avoided that but I'd be competing with bright young things for entry level type jobs in a few years. I could have waited, but then what if we couldn't conceive? There's no perfect time, you just have to follow your instincts, I think.

Same - just 30 when DD born, 34 for DS. No later, no earlier - I was having too much fun beforehand. I was first of most of friends and peers to take the plunge. And I'm definitely not having any more. I'm in awe of older mums. I'm knackered as it is.

I think it's funny that people say 40 yr old mums get exhausted. At 30 I was and am exhausted. I would have been at 20. I know a lot of 40yrbold mums and they are no more or less exhausted than any younger mums I also know.

Or people having their third at 38 saying gosh I'm soooo much more tired this time than when I was younger having my first....they didn't have 2 other kids then fgs!!!

I had DS when I was 36, am now pregnant with DC2 and will be 40 when they are born. I wish I'd done it earlier.

But it hasn't impacted my career. I got a new job after maternity leave which is more money and more responsibility, and had I stayed with previous company would have gone back to a promotion. I guess in some roles it might effect it, but it hasn't for me. Though I also care less about my career now. I did have to change focus though in order to have kids as used to work in events but so does DH and no way could we both do that and have kids.

I also want to know what drinkingtea does

I had my first at 31 and my second at 34. I'm happy with that but my DH is a bit older than me so I wish we'd had them a little younger for his sake. I want us to be able to feel enthusiastic rather than weary at the thought of potential future grandchildren!

Career wise, my first had no impact as I was well established and got paid enough to afford good childcare. My second suddenly made us feel a LOT more time-poor and stressed so I haven't gone back to work. Doing some part time consultancy but yet to see if that will really have legs.

Happy and CupofTea I'm a support worker for adults with severe disabilities. I moved abroad whilst a sahm though and suspect the career structure isn't as clear cut in the UK and that government policies in the UK might mean it's an area where budgets are being slashed sadly. Here once you're fully qualified pay and progression are very similar to nursing.

It wouldn't be for everyone but I love it, I live doing something that really has meaning and a purpose and isn't all initiatives and office/ staffroom politics and stroking some manager's ego. It's shifts but they are very good at accomodating what you need around family responsibilities here, because finding and hanging onto staff suited to the work is apparently very difficult. I like to work 6am -2pm in term time and mini 6-10am shifts (my kids can be left that long, and I have reciprocal arrangements to be "on call" with neighbors) or weekends in the holidays. Again I'm not sure that would be the case in the UK.

I found this work through a series of lucky accidents - I've been a teacher and before that a PA in the City. I've finally found "my thing" now though... I wouldn't have known if I hadn't stumbled into it.

Had my 1st at 16 and my 2nd at 22. If I could have the children I have now I would have waited until a lot later!

8-10 years earlier (I was 33 and 35) so my lovely mum and dad could have had more time with them, they were in late 60s when their 4 grandkids arrived and didn't realise how wonderful it was being grandparents. They were never ones to hint about it.

I'd go later and wait until 30 so I was on the same page as my friends and had good maternity buddies, it can be very lonely

Same I think - though these days most can't afford it at 25 like I was (1980).

I got married at 23 and my husband and I planned on waiting 6 or 7 years before we had kids. So aiming for when I was 30 or 31. As life would have it, I got pregnant TWO MONTHS after we got married while on the pill. Huge shock but we were thrilled. So 2 weeks before our first anniversary our son was born. We had our daughter a little over two years later. Now I'm 44 and my son is 20 and my daughter is almost 18. I am SO GLAD I had them when I was younger. I have friends with very young kids and they won't be out of the thick of it until well after they turn 50, whereas I now have "my" life back. I love it! Loved being a mom but it's great to be able to move in different directions and not have to deal with the kids still being so young. Wouldn't change a thing!

Later... and I did! DD1 is 10 and although DH and I love her very much she arrived before our relationship was strong enough to withstand a newborn - DH (we weren't married at the time) moved out for six months in the first year- and before we were old enough to appreciate the baby stage- I feel we wished time away.

We have spent the last 10 years building a good life around DD1- we got married, we both have much better jobs, we own our own home, I learnt to drive... for a long time I felt our family was complete but the time felt right to try for a second baby around 18 months ago.

DD2 was born 2 weeks ago and we're calmer and more in love with each other which makes the sleep deprivation a little easier. I don't care about losing my baby weight as quickly, nor does DH expect me to, and we have a strong support network around us. I am much more positive about being a parent at nearly 30 rather than nearly 20!

dd1 at 25
Dd2 at 28.

I would have waited around 30 to have my first one as I had only stared working at 22 after leaving uni. I never went back to work full time, as it was a very demanding career, so I wish I had done more years without dc to establish myself.
After saying all that, I'm now 51, both have left university and home so DH and I have a good few years of enjoying time together without paying for children

I had my son at 18. If I had a choice I would do the same again! I have loved proving all the doubters wrong, I am now a chartered accountant, own my house, and have generally done everything they said I wouldnt, and have raised an autistic pre teen too . It's been bloody hard tho!!

I had dd at 27 and ds at 29. I was only 2 years into my career and at the moment it's not done it any good at all! But I'm only 31 so loads of time to pick it back up. Dd was a surprise- I might have waited till I was a little further into my career but not sure what difference it would have really made so no major regrets !!

I was 25 when I had dd, 2 months away from being 26.
It was a good age and I have loads of energy to play with her for hours and enjoy silly games now that she is a toddler. I would have liked to have had her a year or so earlier but took me 2 years to conceive and I started ttc at 23!

I think around 32 or 33 would have been an ideal age for me, but I didn't meet my partner until I was 32 and we ended up having dd1 at 36 and I'm pregnant again at 37.

I was really getting going in my career around 30, had a bit of money, travelled a lot in my holidays. Looking back on it, I really enjoyed those years and am glad I did what I did. I would probably would have been ready to settle down and have children around 32 or 33, but it didn't happen for me until a few years later.