Advice needed on baby crying

[Tropsy]

Hi everyone, I'm in real need of some help as I'm not sure what to do. My baby boy is three months old and has never slept for more than half an hour when on his own (ie in crib, buggy). I have had to resort to co-sleeping at night to get any sleep, but even that isn't working. He wakes constantly and needs to feed back to sleep. This is now giving him tummy ache and he writhes a lot in his sleep and has explosive nappies. We're both exhausted and I'm in physical pain from having to lie still in order not to move and wake him. The whole situation is giving me horrible anxiety, with difficulty swallowing and I really need it to stop. However - my boy cries whenever I put him in his crib. I don't want to put him through the stress of crying as I think he's too young. However, my husband has said that he thinks it's okay if our son cries in his crib but my husband would stay with him to let him know he's not alone. I would have to leave as i can't stand the sound or sight of him crying and always cave in. My husband is prepared to stay up at night for as long as it takes. He suggests I only feed him once every three hours at night (I'd come in from the spare room and then leave again). Does this sound like a reasonable solution? I'm so worried about him crying and the effect this may have, but at this point it feels like my only option. My husband is a very sensitive and kind man and would pick our son up if he got too upset, calm him down with a cuddle and then put him down again. What do people think? Many thanks in advance.

Have you taken him to be checked out by a GP? Babies often suckle for pain relief, and it might well be that rather than the milk causing his tummy problems, the frequent feeding and wanting to be held are all symptoms along with the explosive nappies.

If you've done that, I probably wouldn't go straight to the crying in a crib, but maybe having your DH hold him and settle him to sleep after a feed, putting him down when he seems sleepy but picking g him up and cuddling him as soon as he cries.

Agree re the GP, it doesn't sound right, have you cut out dairy to see if that helps at all? My baby has formula but one of the first things they tried when she had similar issues was a lactofree milk (turns out she has silent reflux though)

Thanks for your input. He has no medical issues - sorry I should have said that in my first post. I think he just has a strong "feed to sleep" crutch. Unfortunately I have a strong supply of milk and so he's getting large feeds every half an hour throughout the night. I guess anyone would get tummy ache with that. My husband already gets up and rocks him back to sleep when it gets really bad. He then puts him back in his crib but he wakes up soon after. My husband is saying that rocking isn't helping him in the long run as he's not self settling. He says that if he's crying in his arms he may as well be crying in his crib where he can still see and feel my husband. It's hard when he's screaming in my husband's face and to ask him to do that every half an hour and then go to work is quite a large ask. So difficult - thanks for the thoughts and sympathy though - always helps. And yes - my husband is super lovely - at least I'm lucky in that respect!

I'd ignore the feeding every 3 hours as it's bad for you & baby but it's good he wants to help out.

You need to eliminate everything that could be making him cry before going down any route like that, especially at 3 months that's way too young to let him cry it out.

Speak to a health visitor.

What are his nappies like? Reflux has been ruled out? It could be dairy in your milk if he's pooing a lot & squirming.

His crib may seem to big to him? So might need to try something like sleepyhead & something that smells of you.

There's also the 4 month regression.

I really don't think it's a medical issue. My first son (this is our second) had the same issue and habits (they're extremely similar) and I thought it was medical with endless visits to the GP. I ended up on a paleo diet. When we weaned him and got him into his cot using the method I described above, it became clear that he wasn't allergic or intollerent, he just needed to stop feeding so much. However, he was six months old when I stopped feeding him at night. We're in the same boat now but three months is obviously much younger...

His nappies have always been perfect - it's just that the older he gets the more he's waking up. His nappies have only been explosive this past week when he's been particularly bad. I've tried sleepy head and even a mamaroo - I've thrown a ridiculous amount of money at the situation. He basically just wants to lie next to me and holds on to my t-shirt. All of which is completely natural. Thanks for all the opinions - it's been good to hear people's thoughts.

Does he have a dummy?

Sounds like a growth/development leap around 12 weeks... mine BF nearly round the clock at that age. I also cut out dairy and it cut back a lot on colic, so that helped. Have you tried baby wearing? My daughter would fall asleep really deeply and then I could carefully climb out of the sling and lay her down in her cot to nap.

Yes, he has a dummy. He spits it out when he cries though and we try and get the balance right of re-plugging vs harrassing him with it.

I baby wear him a lot during the day. I spend hours walking him round local parks as he enjoys sleeping that way. He will always cry when I first put him in - but he soon settles after about four minutes. I have tried to transfer him, but he will wake after the usual first sleep cycle. I can't maintain baby wearing him every half hour at night - we'd be even more exhausted I suspect. Plus I also need to give my back a break overnight as he's a huge kid!

Just to clarify - I don't consider it cry it out or controlled crying if you stay and support the baby through the process - to me those methods indicate a period of being left alone. I would never leave my three month old to cry alone - my husband just wants him to fall asleep in his crib with him by his side. It looks like noone agrees with him :)

Hi, sounds like you are doing a great job to me 😊 also sounds really tough for you all. My second lg found connecting sleep cycles very hard and I did a lot of baby wearing in the first 3 months just to allow her to get some decent long sleep stetches. I started my lg on sleep & feeding guides with a group called Little Ones (hope I am allowed to say their name on here!!) and I've found it great. None of their suggested methods to help bubbas settle involve cry it out where you leave your baby emotionally crying which I really didn't want to do. It's just a suggestion for you but I can totally understand if you don't want to go down the route of guides etc. Basically their main sleep starting points are to create positive sleep associations for your baby, my lg has white noise playing, pitch black room for sleep & her comforter. I know how hard coping with anxiety can be and for me having a little structure to our day has helped no end.
Things will get better and it's such a small period in their lives but I totally know that it sometimes feels like forever. Stay strong x x

Thanks Sally - that was a really lovely post. I have actually seen that company advertised on Facebook. No surprises there as I've been googling this subject a lot and the marketers clearly have me pinned down! I will check them out. I had not really looked into them before as I assumed it's harder to feed on routine if you're breastfeeding, but I will take a look as maybe I'm wrong about that.

Hang in there! I remember stretches of weeks/months at the beginning when I wanted to pull my hair out from being so fed up of BF on demand and lack of sleep. My daughter was a TERRIBLE sleeper and didn't even go into her own bed (still in our room) until around 14-15 months. Probably not soothing BUT now she's 18 months and you can say goodnight and leave the room and she puts herself to bed just in time for DD 2 to be born and start again

I had the excessive milk/ overly frequent feeding/ intestinal turmoil/ explosive nappies thing going on from about 5 days till 5 weeks. My amazing paediatrician sorted it out within 1 day and I'm so sorry it took a month of infant and maternal misery to do so. She suggested a (highly unfashionable) 4 hourly feeding schedule. In between times we used dummies and daddy cuddles to comfort DS. I used a pump judiciously to milk off some watery foremilk and fed from one side at a time to make sure that he got enough substantial hindmilk. It was miraculous.

I'll second Little Ones!

I found their self settling methods worked really well for my DS.

The support group is great and in a terrible way, made me feel better as there are lots of mums in just as bad / worse position than me 🙈

I was never super strict with the routine part of it as I found it made me more stressed out regards leaving the house at particular times etc. But the routines part did help me know what to expect sleep wise, for the feeding but I've always just done my own thing as we had that sorted.

Given that you have already flung loads of money at it, this won't break the bank lol

Op i think what you suggest is fine...i did similar to ny son when he was a bit older. I sat with my hand on him through the cot bars and sang to him or patted him. But i didnt pick him up. It absolutely transformed his sleep within one night.

He went from waking and feedjng half hourly to only waking once a night .

My husband is saying that rocking isn't helping him in the long run as he's not self settling.

Your husband is an idiot. 12 week old babies can't self settle. By rights they should only just have been born (all human babies are born premature).

Tell him to Google the fourth trimester (for starters).

I have been in the same situation and what you suggest sounds reasonable. When you're that tired you have to put your baby down sometimes, mine would only stop crying when on me or feeding but I was so tired I would have found it dangerous to keep holding her. I occasionally put her down crying in the side-along crib and fell asleep through exhaustion, only to find she had settled ok when I woke up half an hour later. Other times I lay at the most uncomfortable angles to feed her to sleep lying down as I didn't trust myself to feed her in my arms as I knew I'd fall asleep!

I went to the GP a few times and they always said she was fine and it'd pass...it did. At about 3 months. So hang on in there Your DH sounds great, take his offer up!

That's a bit harsh Titty
Any reason why you have to call someone an idiot when they are trying their best? She's looking for advice not to be called names. So horrible of you and I hope you are ashamed of yourself.

Please don't leave your baby to cry, whether someone is with him or not. 3 months is way too young and self settling is not going to happen. Google the fourth trimester and feed on demand.

Feeding on demand (in combination with an excessive milk supply) is exactly what put me and DS in this miserable situation. He can't sleep because his tummy is being filled with watery, lactosey foremilk every half hour, so he's constantly hungry, fermenting sugar in his gut and feeling colicky and painful, and this is exploding out of his nappies. He is too uncomfortable to sleep, so wails and every bf is leaving him worse off.

I virtually promise you that if you start by expressing off some foremilk and giving him a good big hindmilky feed, then disappearing and leaving him with your DH and dummy to settle in whatever way he can, and extending the interval between feeds, repeating the process of expressing some foremilk each time, he will feel infinitely more comfortable very swiftly. Then you or DH can start laying him down in the Sleepyhead while lying beside him. But if you do what bloody well everyone including bf counsellor told me to do, and whip out a tit every time he whimpers, this is likely to run on and on.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I have purchased the Little Ones programme and we're going to start it tomorrow. Fingers crossed it helps.

Pumpkin - I'm in awe of anyone who can co-sleep for that long!

Villainous - good to hear that the four hour feeding schedule worked for you - i definitely think that's our issue here. Hopefully getting him to have less but better quality feeds will help his tummy.

Marmite - Lol! I'll check out the facebook group and look for those poor women having it tougher than me (if there are any!) ;)

Waterrat - my husband is delighted that someone thinks his suggestion is a workable solution! If the Little Ones programme doesn't work and we have to support him with crying in his cot then I also hope it's just one night!

Titty - bit harsh :) Luckily my husband has just had a chuckle at your comment. My fault as my husband has just fairly pointed out that I shouldn't have used the term self-settle in this context. If you're there patting and shushing then it's not self-settling. Also - I believe some babies are born with this skill - just not mine! Lots of my friends have babies that just happily sleep and link their cycles with a little suck if their hand at 12 weeks - that it self-settling and they're doing it naturally.

Ninecoronas - lol I know those uncomfortable angles well. My neck is in pieces! Thanks for your support.

Landy - cheers for standing up for me and the hubs. Luckily we still have our sense of humour even when we're absolutely shattered!

Don't let your LO cry. CIO isn't recommended before 6 months. Try easing your baby by putting him on babies magic tea. It soothes tummy related issues and solves sleep problems in babies.

Another vote for the unfashionable feeding routine + daddy cuddles here. Worked wonders for DS. Even now at 5 months if I let him hang off the boob at night he ends up squirmy and crying with explosive gassy nappies. I also have had oversupply issues. I followed the dreaded Gina Ford timings - not religiously, just generally as a rough schedule! Good luck OP.