I,m i being too protective

[ariel]

Another mum at my dds pre school recently invited my dd to her childs birthday party which is being held at a sports centre , after reading through the invitation i decided i wasn,t happy with letting my dd attend, it mentioned in the invitation that it was a very active party, my dd has Hydrocephalus and cerabral palsy, she is very small and is intimadated easily by other children . Although i have never segragated her from anything she wants to do, i do feel she would not only not enjoy this sort of party ,i really do feel its far to unsafe for her. I told this parent today the reason why i didn,t want my dd to go and she then started a whole damn speech how i was wrong to segragate my dd from these sorts normal child hood experiances and if i treat her differently now she will allways be treated differantly. I really felt i should be explaining my reasons why , but then it dawned on me that she is my child and it is my desicion how i raise her, i have never wanted my dd to feel differant to other children we have fought long and hard to get her to be accepted in mainstream school , but surely it is also my responsability to keep her safe, sometimes i feel i am being too over protective, but shes been through so much and i relise i cant protect her from everything, but should i put her into a position where she will get hurt and feel very intimadated just so im not seen to be treating her differantly.

Just read through this thread and I think you coped with this one really well Ariel. Going back a bit but I know several children of my son's age (5 1/2) who are still not happy being left at a party on their own and I have never known it to be a problem with the parents. Able-bodied or not all children are ready to separate a bit from their parents at different ages and I think it is far better to let them do it at their own pace rather than forcing them - and maybe frightening them into situations that they are not ready to cope with. Anyway this woman sounds dreadful and outrageously rude if she did not even listen to your explanation. Best off without that one I think!

What a bitch! Yeah, the amount a five year old eats at a party costs a fortune - NOT. What was she serving? Caviar? Silly cow. I bet there was a sea of uneaten, trampled food, is she telling all the other parents how pissed off she is for them not eating it? She sounds nuts. Best off avoiding her IMO. I bet she only had the party there for snob value, not to please the kids anyway.

Ariel, how incredibly rude of this woman. I refuse to believe she invited children and then expected their parents to pay for their tea. She sounds a bit unbalanced - and I think a private health club, which does not have to adhere to local authority standards for special needs provision, would not have been a very supportive environment for your dd. I hope she is feeling better.

ariel, your initial instincts were obviously correct regarding the party and the adult who was supposedly supervising. She doesn't sound like someone I would like to leave my child in the care of. I'm sure through the years you will have many more situations like this where you have to make choices about the appropriateness of an event for your child. And I bet that the majority of the ones that you say not to are not because your child has Hydrocephalus and cerebral palsy, but simply because you are not comfortable with the adult in charge. Good for you for being a responsible loving parent. There aren't enough out there!

Ariel, I've just been ddoing a search on 'Cerebral Palsy' and come across your saga. My daughter Alana who has Cerebral Palsy is now 10 and rarely gets invited 'normal' parties. Frankly, I'm glad. Despite the emphasis that is being made about 'inclusion', I always feel ill at ease when trying to include Alana in certain situations.

I'm not afraid of Alana's behaviour (she too is hemiplegic and also has very delayed speech and language therefore can become very frustrated) but other people's ignorance. How nice it would be to educate society to accept our special children as they are and not get stared at or frowned upon which more than often happens.

This woman's feeble attempt at 'inclusion' was insensitive. You know your child best and as with other people who have advised, I too say go with your gut instinct. What would have happened at the Sports Centre? Races, competitions, (pushing and shoving)? Despite amazing successes at the Paraolympics, usually, a child with CP cannot compete with a 'normal'child, so if a similar instance happens again, please do not feel guilty about staying with your child and putting your foot down if you do not like what's happening.

If you're thinking about parties for your child, Alana loves discos and swimming pool parties.

Good luck, be strong, Enjoy your lives!

Imo, in todays moderen world we are all beleived to be accepted regardless of our colour,religion,beleifs or disability, but from personal experiance i know that just doesnt happen. And again imo adults are the worse ofenders(sp?), when children approach me and ask "whats wrong with your little girl" i feel glad that have asked and am more than happy to explain why my dd is differant, but its when you get an adult stare or look from the corner of their eyes so you dont notice(but you allways do) or usher their kids away and whisper (loudly, so you can hear) "dont stare at her" whilst them themselves are trying to work out whats wrong with her. I only wish some adults had the courage of their children and approach me and ask me , again i would only be happy to explain to them too.