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Parenting

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I'm completely rubbish at this

47 replies

StripyDeckchair · 11/07/2017 05:20

I wanted to put a stronger word than 'rubbish'.

Just had an argument with DH on the landing at 4am. DS is 9 weeks and EBF. He wakes every 2-3 hours and can be awake for 1.5 hours+ each time. Sometimes he is just awake full stop and all the wakings run into one another. I can't get him to sleep. I've posted on sleep forum about this and have tried every suggestion. Co-sleeping doesn't work because he is so noisy and latches so often that I don't get any sleep. It also make me extremely anxious. White noise works occasionally but only really to keep him from waking when he's already asleep. Nothing else has worked at all except holding him whilst he sleeps and I can't hold him all night, every night.

Tonight I asked DH to help me do one of the wakings (not the feeding but the settling). When it came to it I pretty quickly asked DH just to take him as I couldn't stay awake. DS was up for 2 hours, I think - 40 minutes feeding, 20 with both of us and then an hour with DH. He then went down for 50 mins before waking again at 2.50. By 4am after feeding and walking him up and down, up and bloody down the bedroom, with no effect, I was in tears. I even whispered to DS to shut up and go to sleep. DH heard me crying from the spare room and came in and tried to take DS. I know he's trying to help but he was so incredibly grumpy and made me feel like there's something horribly wrong with me. I insisted he go back to bed as he has work and I'm now sat on the sofa 2 hours+ later desperately trying to feed DS to sleep.

I do absolutely nothing all day. I didn't even get out of my pjs yesterday. I just feed and hold DS (who doesn't nap either). Tried a sling - he hated it. Will keep trying but I need to have the energy to face it and I just don't. Walked for 1.5 hours with him in the pram on Sunday and he slept for 30 mins.

I feel totally useless. I can't get my baby to sleep and I literally do nothing else. We have a cleaner once a fortnight and that's the only cleaning that gets done. DH does all the cooking. I've pretty much stopped trying to go out because I'm so tired most days.

This is my one and only job and I'm rubbish at it. DH can't do every flipping thing and work as well. I kept waiting for 6 weeks and thinking I'd get better at this but now we're 9 weeks in. I should have some clue at this point and be able to leave the bloody house.

OP posts:
isthistoonosy · 11/07/2017 05:26

That sounds really tough and more to do with your babys personality or possibly feeding issues and nothing to do with your ability to parent.
How is he after feeds, is he sick or uncomfortable, is he ok to wind - thinking it could be silent reflux.
Does he always want a feed, have you tried using a dummy for settling, one of my kids could never feed to sleep.
Any chance you could stretch to a babysitter to give you a chance to sleep?
Flowers

Timeforabiscuit · 11/07/2017 05:29

You are not rubbish, not in the slightest!

You sound sleep deprived, after nine weeks of next to no sleep you must feel shocking. You're still very much in early baby days, and I certainly felt it was a battle just getting through them.

You can take short cuts on many things but you NEED sleep, can you and dh take shifts so you have a chance of uninterrupted shut eye?

hrfvenia · 11/07/2017 05:31

At 38 weeks this has been on my mind.

Please please please don't tell yourself you're rubbish!!!

Speak to your health visitor. Or GP. Explain how it makes you feel.

Your OH sounds supportive. That's a good start!

I'm not experienced in this so didn't want to read and run, but please don't be sad because you have a baby that's not fond of sleep! Someone will be along shortly to offer more experienced advice I'm sure ❤️

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

StripyDeckchair · 11/07/2017 05:31

He is pretty settled after he feeds so long as he's being held. He's asleep on me now. But trying to put him down is the killer. If he's in a really deep sleep and I put the white noise on it sometimes works but obviously I have to hold him until he's in that deep sleep and that means I can't sleep whilst he sleeps.

OP posts:
StripyDeckchair · 11/07/2017 05:33

He does feed a lot but he's only on the 2nd centile so I do want him to put on as much weight as he can.
I've had latch checked by multiple people but maybe I should get it checked again.

OP posts:
StripyDeckchair · 11/07/2017 05:35

I feel guilty asking DH to do anything in the night as he works 6 days a week and does pretty much everything else around the house at the moment.

OP posts:
JennyLane · 11/07/2017 05:37

@StripyDeckchair huge hugs!
You are absolutely not rubbish. You are sleep reprieved and a new mum, I felt exactly the way you are feeling with my first and then recently again with my third. Number two was miraculously a decent sleeper. I believe it is all down to their personality

Give yourself some grace. Explain to your husband how exhausted you are and accept any help you can.

JennyLane · 11/07/2017 05:38

And forgot to add, this will pass!!

troodiedoo · 11/07/2017 05:39

Agree with above. You sound like a caring mother with sleep deprivation. You don't have to get dressed, clean, cook dinner or go out. All you need to do is give your baby lots of cuddles and feed him. Have you tried having a bath together? I'd have your dh nearby just in case you need help or get too sleepy.

Is he gaining weight OK? I think maybe a bottle of formula here and there might give you a break. Speak to your health visitor though they are there to help.

StripyDeckchair · 11/07/2017 05:40

Thank you JennyLane

OP posts:
Mollyboom · 11/07/2017 06:13

Have you tried a top up with formula at night? This worked with my babies, breastfeeding was hard and draining but when I got a bit more sleep I could cope with everything a little better. Please try it x

user1499169579 · 11/07/2017 06:16

You are not rubbish!

You're only job is to care for your son, the rest of the house, all the cooing etc are not your responsibility yet. So forget it, you are not failing!
And when I say it's your responsibility to care for your DS I don't mean that it's your job to get him to sleep, it's your job to be present, and to care for him, and you're doing that!

By the sounds of it you need to have a few days recharging your own batteries and then try a new strategy with your ds,
Over the next weekend tell your dp that he is to take your ds out all day, bringing him home only for feeding.
He can walk around the park. He can walk around the block. Repeatedly. But he is to walk that baby, he can go to a coffee shop. He can read the paper on a bench. It doesn't matter what he does, so long as it's not super stimulating for ds, and it's outside of the house, so you can have a bath and sleep or be peaceful on your own For all the time you don't need the baby latched on.

You'll feel better after two days of this.

My husband had to do this every weekend for the first while, and ours was a January baby, your dp can do the same without being buffetted by artic winds.

Then think about the following:

sleep cycle is forty minutes, if the conditions he experiences then are different to those when he's fallen asleep he'll wake.

Our DS was a difficult sleeper, we did cosleep, he did latch on frequently but I got to sleep. But that doesn't sound like it works for you, and tbh I'm not sure I'd do the same again.

But, what helped get his nights better was getting his day sleeps better.
3 hours awake 2 hours asleep 3hours awake 2 hours asleep etc.

To begin with, when I tried to fix our no sleeping ds, it seemed like I spent all day trying to get him to sleep or facilitating his sleep.

For me that meant figuring out how I wanted him to sleep and then paying lots of attention to making sure the conditions at the 35-50mintue mark were the same as when he fell asleep.
For us I found the pram was practical, I like walking.
I'd feed him up, and then go for a walk. I used to tell him that if he wanted to go to sleep this was a good time, that I'd keep him safe and that he could relax. I then would rhythmically say things like 'relax your arms, stretch out your legs, relax your fingers, and your toes' in a calm, Rhythmic not stimulating voice. At some point he'd fall asleep. To begin with I made sure that the pram was still rolling and not in a noisy place at the 35-50min mark, even if I stopped once he was in the next sleep cycle. .

He began to fall asleep quicker, now he often falls asleep within two minutes of me suggesting it's a safe time to sleep (but I now add 'when you wake up we'll be somewhere/ it will be time for some fun)

At night I tapped him on the belly as he was falling asleep, and again at the 35/45 min mark (during the shift in sleep cycles time.) after a while this wasn't necessary, and the night sleeps got longer.

I think Joanna blythman's book might have been where I got this approach from.
It certainly calmed me down and helped me understand more about sleep.

You are doing great.

StripyDeckchair · 11/07/2017 06:23

Thanks all. That's a really interesting thought about sleep cycles - hadn't considered that. Waiting to 6.45 now when I think I can wake DH up and ask him to take DS for half an hour so I at least get a shower today.

OP posts:
user1498166085 · 11/07/2017 06:25

I'd say start using some mixed feeding with formula. Will give you a break. You need sleep and rest!

Cupcakegirl13 · 11/07/2017 06:28

Defo not rubbish just very sleep deprived. Nine weeks feels like a lifetime but it Is early days and some babies (including mine) were like this. Many a stressful desperate night have been Had in this house with me ripping strips off DH out of sheer frustration in the middle
Of the night because he was the only one there. It is so unbelievably hard in the first few months. Things that helped me were buying a sleepyhead and swaddling DD, giving some formula when I just needed a break so someone else could take her. Abandoning all other household jobs and just sorting out me and baby. Using a dummy. Not all those suggestions will be for everyone but they helped me . Keep going I promise it gets easier.

ellsbellls · 11/07/2017 06:41

You poor thing! Give yourself a break! I had two non-sleepers and it's truly the hardest thing I've ever done. 8 weeks is a tough stage but he is still so little and it's such early days for you. You're all still working out what the hell has happened to your lives!!

With any luck he will be one of those babies that suddenly just 'gets' it and in a little while, he'll be giving you much longer stretches.

I tried everything, read everything, obsessed about every little aspect of sleep. It didn't help me or either DC. With DC1 I even bought a tramalator thing from amazon which you put the whole pram on and it rocked it back and forth. It was huge and broke after 2 days!

The people I know who had more success, much earlier on were those who were calm, tried to relax about it and were really gentle and soothing with their baby. They let time pass and didn't try to fix things. Easy to say, less easy to do. You will get there in the end. Smile

silkybear · 11/07/2017 06:53

This sounds like normal newborn behaviour to be honest, you are doing a brilliant job. I found the first 12 weeks horrendous and then it got loads easier, this will pass. Sounds like dh is supportive, do you have any family or friends who can pop round and hold DS while you have a shower or sit out in the garden for 20 mins? It will make you feel more human. I disagree with the formula suggestions as its an extra faff making bottles where as at the moment you can just latch on as much as he needs. Bfing is relentless but only for this first few weeks while they get your supply up. Could dh take him for an hour after work so you can have a nap? Would he take a bottle of expressed from dh? When my dh was working he would take my daughter from 7 til 9 so i could sleep 2 hours solid then i was up every 20 mins for the rest of the night. Could your dh do something similar? She used to sleep on his chest skin to skin and didnt need feeding, i think because she couldnt smell the milk on him. When she was on me she wanted milk every 20 mins. Might be worth a try unless baby gets absolutely livid. Good luck. Dont put pressure on yourself to do anything apart from feed baby and nap as much as you can.

SandysMam · 11/07/2017 06:55

I will probably get flamed for this but I second a bottle of formula too. Also seek help from breast feeding counsellor.
I was in the exact same position with my first and it nearly killed me. Turned out I had a medical condition and just wasn't producing enough milk. Baby was starving and I was on the brink of a breakdown.
I compared ingredients and Hipp Organic seemed best for me.
You can't carry on like this OP, you deserve to enjoy your baby and what you are going through is a kin to torture! You will get through this.

GinIsIn · 11/07/2017 06:59

Oh OP, it's so hard, isn't it? We are out the other side now but I still feel a bit sick when I think back to a few months ago! Things that helped us: sleepyhead. Best, best thing!!! The only place DS would be put down. Warm it with a hot water bottle and line it with a t shirt you've just been wearing.

Can you either express a bottle or do a formula top-up so your DH can do a feed and you can sleep?

The way we worked it was: DH would come home from work and we'd have dinner then I would go to bed and he'd just bring the baby up when it needed feeding between then and midnight. I would then take over and do midnight to 6am when DH got up, then I would go back to bed for an hour before DH left for work. It does end, I promise - DS is 4 and a half months now, and sleeps 8pm-7:30am with just a top up dream feed at midnight before DH goes to bed.

CockneyRhymer · 11/07/2017 07:19

Concur with Ellsbells - neither of mine slept either and DD1 sounds like yours (and she was also tiny- 0.5th centile. She's now 98th so am convinced the non stop feeding was to fulfil her genetic potential).

I know you said he hates the sling- might it be worth trying a different type? If you have a sling library near you you could borrow a different sort. Are you using a stretchy wrap? If not, try it- they are very cocooning for them.

You don't have to go out and do anything. But in a way sometimes that makes you feel worse, especially if it seems like everyone else is gallivanting about to baby yoga etc. Do you have a breastfeeding drop in nearby? They won't mind if you turn up in your pyjamas, you can get the latch checked and tea and sympathy.

Personally I'm not convinced of the magical effects of formula, unless you are planning on mix feeding anyway. Constant feeding - if everything is ok - is fulfilling a nutritive or emotional need. You might not find formula improves anything tbh apart from giving you another thing to stress about- bottles, sterilizing etc.

This is the hardest bit. With baby 2 I went straight to co-sleeping and feeding lying down and it was much easier so you could work on that a bit- see of you can get it to work for naps? And let your DO everything - I don't think I cooked for 4 months after DD1. Hang in there.

Mammacino · 11/07/2017 07:20

This is totally normal, OP - the temperament of your baby, how much (or little!) he sleeps, how youre feeling, the state of your house, rows with DH. All totally normal. That's not to say every baby is like this but lots and lots are. Mine was an appalling sleeper for SO LONG. At 9 weeks he slept 29-40 mins at a time, never more, and the slightest thing would wake him. Now he's nearly 3 and once he's asleep (admittedly quite a chore...) he mostly sleeps through the night. You can do this. I can't particularly remember how we dealt with it but that in itself should be comforting: IT DOES PASS. Can you try to have your cleaner more often? DH did all the cooking for us too - you have to try not to feel guilty about him, this is a team effort and he can't breastfeed that baby! Yes, he's going to work too and will be tired. But you are working too - and are exhausted. He will cope. Some good suggestions from FenellaMaxwellsPony about taking shifts so that you can get some proper sleep. It is hideous. But you will get through it.

Chosenbyyou · 11/07/2017 07:34

You are doing really well - you have survived 9 weeks! I am on week 14....you just have to keep going and keep trying!

Take each day and each night at a time and then think - got through that one!! Very slowly it starts to ease up.

Good advice here on feeding etc - do what you think is right. It takes ages to get to know your baby and work out what works for him/her and then things shift and you are back to square one. No one has it nailed from the start...they might just have a easier baby than you but you are doing your best and have survived 9 weeks!

My only advice would be to have a calm chat with your husband and come up with a plan where you both get some down time/rest time and stick to it. Might be that he will take baby out of house for X hours on X day which gives you that time to relax.

Things ease up and you are in the very hard part - you will look back and be proud that you got through it!

Take care xx

Squishedstrawberry4 · 11/07/2017 07:44

But the baby whisperer book. That's all about cycles and might help you understand.

But this will pass. It's a temporary situation. Things will get much better.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 11/07/2017 07:45

Formula suolimentation didn't work for us

JennyLane · 11/07/2017 07:56

@StripyDeckchair
Sorry, I meant sleep deprived in my previous post, looks like I'm rocking the baby brain too today!

I just wanted to add, my first was like this. My second wasn't. I thought (stupidly) that I had just mastered this parenting stuff and it was all down to my own skill 😂
Rock on baby number three and she's the worst of the lot sleep wise! We do all the things we shouldn't - vibrating rocker chair, dummies, even tv to get her to settle even if she's not sleeping.

My first has a much nicer temperament than my second nowadays so a year of being Mr Angry certainly hasn't rubbed off on his personality!!

❤️❤️❤️