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Original poster

Daughters father won't let me have her back!

47 replies

Rach3403 · 08/07/2017 12:47

Bit of background, me and her dad where only seeing eachother a matter of weeks and I fell pregnant. Still he has been a consistent part of her life and supports her emotionally and financially. We however do not get on and can't speak without an argument occurring, in his mind I am trying to take his daughter away from him and he doesn't like that. He is also constantly accusing me of having men around her (when I have NEVER had another man round her apart from family, I haven't even dated anyone since she was born!)

My 23 month old DD was asking of her dad so I told him I would like a break to catch up on work and his daughter would like to see him so could he have her for a few days. He said yes, came and collected her with his mum, no problem.

The day after she went, I messaged him to ask if she was okay. He then told me that she had drew a picture and when he asked who it was of she said "mummy and mummy's boyfriend" he then start accusing me of having random men around our daughter which I got angry at because its completely untrue. The accusations turned in to him threatening involvement with social services and court action, he slated my mental health (I have BPD) and said that would work in his favour. I have another daughter (who is 5) he told me that if social/court was involved then I risk getting her taken off of me as well (which isn't true as they would not find any fault) He then shockingly asked me how much money it would take to "get me out of her life" He told me that he loves her, I clearly don't and if I didn't want any hassle from court of social services then I would do the right thing and accept a payout from him and walk away. He is a professional athlete so he has a more than healthy salary so lawyers and court cases are no financial object to him.

I was appalled by this and told him no money in the world could buy that. I was disgusted in his behaviour and I asked him to bring her back. He said no so I told him I would drive to get her from his house. I drove 120 miles to pick her up from his house but no one was in, he then phoned me to tell me he wasn't there, he was staying at his sisters because she was seeing the family. I asked for his sisters address but he wouldn't give it to me and his sister read and ignored my messages requesting to know where she was.

This was yesterday and lastnight I text him telling him if he didn't contact me regarding dropping her home by tomorrow I would have to call the police. He text me back this morning saying this:

"I love my daughter more than you will ever know, I think it is best if she stays with me and so does my family. You're not well mentally, clearly you have been bringing strangers around DD and I am not standing for it anymore. I don't want to have to take court action but if I am forced to, I will. She will be well looked after with me and have everything she wants and needs and you know it. You are welcome to visit to see her as is her sister, but I think its best this way. I will continue paying child support every month so you can support yourself".

I just don't know what I can do. I phoned the station and they said as he is on the birth certificate and has parental responsibility there's not much they can do as it isn't classed as kidnap. I am going out of my mind with worry. I know she will be being looked after but he can't do this to me. He seems to think he can "buy her from me" which isn't the case at all. I literally do not give two f*cks about money, I just want my baby girl.

OP posts:
VulvalHeadMistress · 08/07/2017 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoofFighter · 08/07/2017 12:57

Oh OP :(

I've no personal advice of this but have read many a thread on here about it, so I am sure lots of advice will be along soon.

Is there a contact order in place?

I think if he doesn't bring her back when he was arranged to, I know you've contacted police already, but I'd do it again, just to have it logged if nothing else as I know they rarely get involved utter madness

Then straight down to the court on Monday morning and ask for help. They should be able to grant an emergency session asap.

I really hope it doesn't come to that, stay strong OP x

FoofFighter · 08/07/2017 12:58

Maybe if you report your own thread, MN can move it to a better area like Lone Parents or Legal?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting Relationship problems
Sandandwaves766 · 08/07/2017 12:59

He's keeping her without your consent, isn't that kidnap?

Orangebird69 · 08/07/2017 13:00

He's got PR and I'm assuming there's no court order in place for access to there's nothing the police can do... go see a solicitor.

Sandandwaves766 · 08/07/2017 13:02

I would let him know also that when you get your order to get her back it will most definitely be just supervised visits he will be allowed due to what he is capable of.

TrueLove83 · 08/07/2017 13:03

OP your daughter's name is in the text. I would ask MN to delete that part of thread and you can repost

Theresnonamesleft · 08/07/2017 13:04

All you can do is get to court as an emergency.
The police are powerless because he is her father.
Don't waste time trying to get an appointment with cab. By the time you have spoken to someone you could have been in court

NellieFiveBellies · 08/07/2017 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1493413286 · 08/07/2017 13:16

Contact the courts on Monday and apply for an emergency child arrangement order for her to be returned to your care. Tell her dad you're doing this and that as your daughters normal place of residence is with you as the primary care giver the courts will not grant him residence. Even if he then returns her before you have to do this I'd suggest doing it anyway and having a court order to state his contact with her to avoid this happening again in the future.
You've got no reason to fear social services so ignore that threat and even if you did have a boyfriend who is spending time with your daughter that's not a reason for her to live with her dad. If he keeps on saying it then tell him you haven't and you won't keep repeating yourself.
What he has done is very unsettling for your daughter and the courts won't be impressed. Also theres nothing stopping you taking her back into your care when you next see her. Also try and keep your communication through text etc so you have the evidence of what he's saying.

FlamingoPrincess1212 · 08/07/2017 13:21

User has pretty much said everything I could've, so hugs to you OP Flowers

GlitteryFluff · 08/07/2017 13:50

Sorry I have no practical advice but there are lots of mumsnetters who should be able to help. I hope it all gets resolved. Flowers

LilaBard · 08/07/2017 14:03

OP keep all messages - text, voicemails, emails - especially if you have one where he has effectively suggested buying your child off you! That is outrageous and would hopefully reflect very poorly on him in the eyes of SS.

ChoudeBruxelles · 08/07/2017 14:05

Is his name on your dds birth certificate?

Justhadmyhaircut · 08/07/2017 14:40

Could you tell the police you are still bf your dd? I am certain they are obliged to at least check on her welfare to confirm she is OK .

Freddystarshamster · 08/07/2017 14:48

Could you tell the police you are still bf your dd?

Because lieing to the police will look fantastic to the courts. Hmm

Original poster
Rach3403 · 08/07/2017 15:36

Thanks for all your replies. I don't have a boyfriend or any males (apart from family) around my daughter so what he is saying makes no sense. The most hypocritical thing is he has a girlfriend, a girlfriend who has met my daughter and I have never said she couldn't or caused any drama about it. They have no children together and his girlfriend hates me (for some unknown reason) so I am pretty confident she is probably encouraging him because she doesn't like the idea of another women being involved in her boyfriends life (she already resents the fact that he pays child support, she is very jealous and wants everything to herself, so this money he gives me to support our daughter, she thinks should be for herself)

I have spoken to him on the phone since. He has offered me a large sum of money for full custody, kept telling me how good a life that could give me and my other daughter if I accepted it. I have recorded the conversation to show to a solicitor so they know he is attempting to bribe me. I have phoned the police and have said I am scared that he is going to take her and disappear (perhaps abroad) as he has her passport (because he got a flight from Manchester to collect her from mine) the police said they will get in contact with his region of police and ask them to check on her welfare and talk to him but thats all they can do. I know she is safe but I can't live without my daughter and I know how attached she is to me. He won't even let me speak to her on the phone. I have contacted a solicitor who have quoted me a stupid amount of money which my mum is lending me, all because he wants his own way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rach3403 · 08/07/2017 15:37

My sister is encouraging me to tell him and the police that he is not her real father (he is). But she said this will work temporarily and get her back to me. I don't want to lie or cause drama but I feel right now in my awful mind that this might be a logical idea

OP posts:
Finola1step · 08/07/2017 15:41

Does he have Parental Responsibility?

AddictedToDrPepper · 08/07/2017 15:45

If he is on the birth certificate then telling anyone that he's not her father will look massively unstable on your part and can easily be disproven with a DNA test.

Unfortunately since he has parental rights then he has every right to keep her unless you go through court to return her Sad I would suggest seeing a solicitor first thing Monday morning and see if they can have an emergency hearing to return her to your care while you go through court to gain residency and an interdictment of return (which will prevent him from being able to keep her if the court allows contact after this.)

Heaps of hugs and support for you OP, what a heartbreaking and stressful situation SadFlowers

ProphetOfDoom · 08/07/2017 15:45

You need a good family lawyer to make an emergency child arrangement order with the court on Monday for her return.

Google might locate some who are contactable over the weekend - I remember a MNer in the same boat who managed to do so - but if not Monday morning first thing. You have nothing to fear from social services, that's nonsense, and he has no rights to dictate your personal relationships.

user1493413286 · 08/07/2017 16:01

I wouldn't say he isn't her father as legally he is on the birth certificate so as far as the police are concerned he is her father and I don't think it'd look very good to the courts that you lied to the police.
Also I'm assuming he works and would have to pay for childcare or get one of his family members to care for her. Do you work? As it's also a good argument to say that why should someone who isn't her mum be looking after her when you are able to.
Good luck, hope it all gets sorted and he realises the big mistake he has made. Your solicitor will do this anyway but make sure that with court you're focused on what's best for your daughter and explain that it's not about you, it's about her attachment, routine and stability with you and with her sister.

LilaBard · 08/07/2017 16:11

You must not lie to the police, it will come back and bite you at a later stage. Something so easily proven would be silly to lie about. Be honest, try to be calm (easier said than done I know), and do everything by the letter. Then he can throw all the money in the world at his case, he will have nothing that sticks.

pinkblink · 08/07/2017 16:12

How awful l for you, I have no immediate advice but I'm pretty sure he can't take you to court for having a boyfriend, fictitious or not!
Once you have your daughter back I'd look into contact centres in the future as he clearly can't be trusted

ginflumpsandzebraprint · 08/07/2017 16:30

Do not lie to the police !
It will make you look less than stellar, get to court Monday for an emergency residence order ( think that's the term) basically the court will take a very dim view of his shenanigans so far especially the recordings and will order him to return her. He will most likely have to visit her in a contact centre after this so has royally fucked hinself.
For now breathe and try to keep it together, remember he needs you to fall apart for this to work !