Nursery- would you use of you didn't have to?

[Turneeps]

Hi,
Week 5 of putting my 14 month old into nursery for 2 half days a week. She cries, red face, reaches out for me as soon I pass her to nursery staff. I hate leaving her, feels so cruel.
I am having a 2nd baby due any day now. I thought nursery would be good for my 14 month old (& give me 1on1 time with new baby).
However totally doubting this decision. Would you preserve with nursery or just have both kids at home every day. I won't be able to take toddler to our usual activities with new born so she will just be stuck at home with us all day.
I don't know what to do!!??
Advice/opinions please.
Thank you (from an emotional/hormonal pregnant lady!)

I'm during to have DC2 in a few months and my DC1 will still be going into childcare three days a week for the duration of my Maternity.....but I suppose the difference in our situation is that my DC1 is a lot older, has been in childcare for two years and loves going.

You may find your child isn't settling because she isn't there long enough to get to know the staff and the environment etc? I imagine two morning sessions a week doesn't equate to many hours? A general theory is that the more time a child spends there the much quicker they adapt to it and take it in their stride.

Do you have any potential to increase her hours, I.e so she is there full days as opposed to just the few hours in the morning?

Not a 14 months bit I would at two years

TBH I don't think nursery is of benefit until about two and a half. I say this as someone who had 2 DC in nursery before their first birthdays, and I certainly don't think it's detrimental in the slightest.

But the key advantage is around the variety of social learning and experiences, and most DC are only developmentally ready to reap the benefit at 2-3.

Is there a reason you won't be able to do your usual toddler routine with a baby? Most of the groups we went to young babies were able to come too.

A large number of play groups near me are separated in the sense that you can't have toddlers who walk in the same groups as babies.

It was a nightmare when my DS started walking as I was told he could no longer come to the regular group we went to because it was for non mobile babies and infants only.

I had been going with two other moms who children, although about the same age, hadn't started walking yet, so I was split up from them which was pretty rubbish as they were my only social life

What do nursery say she's like once you've left?

I have kept ds1 in nursery 2 full days a week whilst I've been on mat leave with ds2. It has allowed me to focus some time on him, get him in to a good routine and catch up on a bit of rest myself. It was particularity useful during the colder months when ds1 would have been stuck indoors more and climbing the walls. He's 2.5 and I think the social interaction and different activities they put on have been great for him.

That being said, I will be dropping him down to 1 day for the last 3 months of my mat leave as ds2 is easier now and the weather is better.

I think maybe your dd just needs a little longer to settle in. Ds1 started nursery at 16 months and it took him a good couple of months to get used to the people and the environment. Broke my heart dropping him off though!

Without a doubt I would, even if I didn't have to.

Dd started at 10 months old, when I went back to work. I was full time before ML but now do 3 days.

She took weeks to settle, crying at every drop off and pick up for ages. But the staff were adamant that she's absolutely fine all day. She's been there a year now and still has the odd wobbly day but generally she runs in happily and enjoys her time there.

For me, it's a good balance for all of us. Some days at home together as a family, some days just me and dd when dh is at work and some days of work/nursery. And I really enjoy days like today - I'm on annual leave, dh is at work and dd is in nursery.... I can have some me time and properly chill out.

If I was in a position not to work I'd still use nursery at least 2 days a week.

I'm in a similar situation OP, and decided against nursery!

DD had never been as we have a SAHP, and was considering giving her a couple of days in nursery before baby is born, but decided the change would be too much for her all at once. I don't want her to go to nursery until she is 3 and we will be sticking with that.

We've decided to get her lots of books, arts and crafts stuff and indoor things as well as a sling for baby so we can leave the house quickly for little walks to the park etc :)

Are there no toddler groups that you can all go to?

To be honest no, I wouldn't. 14 months is still tiny.

I'm in a similar situation. Dd2 is 17 months and I've just had dd3 (dd1 is older so at school). I think it's important to be together as a family as much as possible in the early days.

Yes. With the rather big caveat that it depends on the actual daycare.

We are in Sweden and it's really high quality here. Small groups, very caring teachers, all play based until 7. He's blossomed there - if I didn't need to work I'd still send him part time because it's clearly been great for him. They're outside most of the day regardless of weather, the teachers are degree qualified old hands in their 50s and 60s with decades of experience. They're gentle and kind and have the patience of saints.

The above only applies if the daycare is good. Crying a bit on leaving is common. If you're satisfied she's well taken care of then a breezy goodbye I'll be back after snack time have fun! And leave. Don't draw it out. Sneak back and see how she reacts. If she's happily playing you're fine.

I know from friends that an awful lot of uk daycare is very poor quality - if you have concerns then my advice would be different.

The usual situation here is 15-30 hours a week at nursery are available if you're on maternity leave with another baby.

No I wouldn't unless i needed to.

I would also worry about putting an older child in to nursery just as a new baby comes along, I just feel it's too much change for a child a new baby in the house and then they are suddenly being packed off to nursery.

I wiuldnt do nursery. I had my 2 (13 month gap) at home until just after 3, when preschool vouchers kicked in. I found things they could both go to, spent loads of time walking and in the park, and trashed the house with craft stuff and building dens. There was a fair bit if watching cbeebies and me tearing my hair out.....but I really loved those first couple of years with the pair of them.

Agree with Anatidae, it depends on the quality of the nursery.

I'm in Finland and sent DD to nursery from 3 years old, started because I was working temporarily but carried on when I stopped working but I switched to part time then (two days a week) and found it affected how she settled and her teachers recommended switching her back to full time which I did.
Nursery did wonders for her (she has behavioural and anger issues bad enough to need social services support who actually paid her for to go to nursery in the end because it was deemed an essential service for her) and after three years there she is a much calmer and better behaved child and much happier and her social skills improved dramatically. I'll definitely do it again with my next child) but probably will wait until around 2.5/3yrs depending on my employment situation then.

Personally I absolutely would. Being at home with a small child is not the aspect of parenthood I feel I'm at my best with; okay, I'm pretty sure I'm awful at it. I hope I come into my own in other areas (I believe I do) but this is not it. So DS has been at nursery from 7 months, and absolutely would have been - funds allowing - even if I hadn't been going back to work.

But that does mean that unlike in your situation he now (nearly 2) sees nursery as another almost "home" environment. So I don't have to deal with any phase of adjustment, which must be difficult.

So in answer to your question, yes I would, but in your situation? I don't know - it depends how you think you'll fare with the both at home I suppose, and whether you feel good about what you'll be able to do with your toddler and your baby when it's just you with two!

Depends on the child. I'm a sahp and dd was ready to get a q

PT nursery was great for us when DC2 was born- I got one on one time with baby, and with my toddler (baby was put for a nap when we got home).
It meant I could give each full focus, and helped the elder adapt to new baby.
My gap was bigger though, so my toddler could understand more IYSWIM, not sure how much a 14mo will get what's going on with the new arrival.

Sorry

Depends on the child. Im a sahp but dd loved nursery from about 3.5 and ds from about 2 (he wasn't very good at playing on his own because he was used to his sister entertaining him). They'd have been fine earlier if needed but that was when they really benefited from the social side.

This was the situation I found myself in. My first son was in nursery for three days a week from the age of 12 months, 9.30 til 5, DH looked after him the other days. It seemed the right thing to do - I went back to work full time, DH was a freelancer so worked from home.

I took him out of nursery the moment I went on maternity leave with DS2, which was six weeks before he was born. People said I was mad, I should leave him in a few days a week, but I didn't want to. He actually didn't mind nursery too much but I wanted him to be with me.

It was tough sometimes looking after a toddler and a very, very colicky newborn. But I have no regrets about taking him out. Partly it would have been tough to afford anyway. Also though I do regret putting him in nursery for such long days when he was a baby. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. All my friends were doing it, most of them earlier than 12 months. I felt I needed to go back full time to get maternity leave for DS2, always planned. It seemed normal. But if I regret anything, it is that.

I am certain,y not saying anyone else should feel as I do. Those are my feelings, about my child and my situation. I did take baby to toddler activities by the way, it was fine, is there a reason you think you can't do that? We were at toddler drop in when DS2 was four days old. The play workers used to hold him so I could play with DS1.

I really wouldn't until year before school!!!

DS2 started nursery at 17 months, DD was 2 1/2 (my mum was ill and I needed to have the time to be able to help her). It's done them the world of good, and actually it's how DS2s autism was picked up early. They're both thriving now after a bumpy start.

Thanks for all the replies, really interesting and a mixed bag.
Having read a wee bit research just now, it seems toddlers don't get benefit of nursery until at least 2 years old.
So think I will wait for new baby to arrive and if I am coping with 2 at home I will take my girl out of nursery.

Having read a wee bit research just now, it seems toddlers don't get benefit of nursery until at least 2 years old.

That's interesting. I feel mine does and the prevailing cultural opinion where I live is that kindergarten is great for kids to socialise and develop skills. As I said above though, kindergarten here is quite different to my experience of uk ones.

Whatever works for you is right.

No I wouldnt if I didnt have to. 14 months is so young, still a baby really.

You could try a childminder? Some children are more comfortable in a home setting. Nursery can be a bit overwhelming (speaking as someone who has worked in them). And agree with people who say children dont get much benefit from them until they are over 2.

Trust your instincts, you know your child best. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I thought it was 3 in most cases, but shown to be 2 in homes where parent's are struggling.