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Parenting

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Original poster

How would you react if you (school age) child bit you when you tried to reprimand them??

36 replies

fannyannie · 21/03/2007 17:16

I just wondered as at the after school service this afternoon a boy who I think is in Reception (but I could be wrong - he's between Reception and Yr2 anyhow) was told to behave by his mum. Each time he BIT her and she did absolutely nothing - I was stunned!!!

What would you have done???

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SSShakeTheChi · 21/03/2007 17:17

It would have upset me but I wouldn't have shown it at all either.

Original poster

fannyannie · 21/03/2007 17:17

but would have left (bear in mind it's not compulsory to attend) or let him have cakes, juice and biscuits afterwards and act as if nothing had happened??

I would have left straight away if it was my child.

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Hulababy · 21/03/2007 17:19

If I was ever in such a situation, I'd remove DD from the activity immediately and have time out. If she didn't apologise in that short period of time we'd go home.

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FrannyandZooey · 21/03/2007 17:19

She may have been told that the best thing to do is ignore it?

NotQuiteCockney · 21/03/2007 17:29

I don't think biting is very normal behaviour for this age - he could be SN? And as Frances says, maybe ignoring it is the way forward, in this particular case?

frances5 · 22/03/2007 13:56

Difficult position for her. Maybe she had older children who were in the choir or were going to act. Its not always as simple as taking one child home if you have more than one.

Prehaps the mum would punish the child when he got home. If my five son ever bites he then he is banned from watching TV or playing on the computer for the rest of the day.

Its hard when a child really misbehaves when you are out. The poor mum must have felt mortally embrassed.

Its difficult taking children to church. Prehaps rather than critizing the mum you could think what you could have done to help. Prehaps lending the boy a book or a toy would have stopped him from misbehaving.

Greenshoots · 22/03/2007 14:02

I would say "Oh dear, I'm afraid there isn't any biting here - it's Not Allowed - so we'll have to go straight home now. What a pity." And go straight home.

I would be upset though, I have a fear of one of mine being a biter. People react particularly badly to it, compared to other forms of experimental infant violence.

ScummyMummy · 22/03/2007 14:05

If one of my children bit me I'd be very angry and upset and surprised. As this mum seemingly wasn't any of those things perhaps there's more to his behaviour than meets the eye?

Original poster

fannyannie · 22/03/2007 15:29

frances - there's no choir - it's very much a 'fun and games' service for primary aged school children (and their parents). It is in NO way at all a formal service in any shape or form (to give an example we finished out singing our last 3 songs yesterday with lots of balloons and party streamers being thrown around (like the party the prodigal sons father held when he returned home).

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southeastastra · 22/03/2007 15:32

biting is quite common at that age. she was probably embarassed

frances5 · 22/03/2007 15:46

It hard for us to know what the church service is like from reading internet posts. My son finds church services hard at the age of five although he hasn't yet bitten me. We find that books and a drink of juice helps him.

I imagine that she must have had her reasons for not going home.

Five year olds are very little. Suggesting that the boy has special needs because he bit his mother is silly. Lots of children with special needs are extremely well behaved.

It is impossible to pass judgment on someone you don't know.

Five year olds are often extremely tired after school and expecting them to cope with a church service after school is asking quite a lot. Prehaps the child was just far too tired.

As mums we hate it when people judge us. Prehaps we should worry about the behaviour of our own children rather than anyone else's.

Original poster

fannyannie · 22/03/2007 15:49

Actually I should perhaps also add I found out today that he's actually in YR2 not Reception as I previously thought. There's absolutely no need for books - it's only a very short service with lots of 'interaction' for them (it's designed specifically for that age of children and one of the 'planners' actually works with them at the school!), and there's lots of juice, cakes and biscuits available afterwards.

If he was too tired - why didn't she just take him home??? I just don't get it - sorry - if you're child is being naughty and won't do as they're told and bite you if you try to tell them to behave they should be removed from the activity IMO.

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doggiesayswoof · 22/03/2007 15:51

I would have hoped that no one was watching how I reacted and going home to start a thread on mumsnet.

Original poster

fannyannie · 22/03/2007 16:14

ooo hark at all the self righteous mummy's on here who've never seen appalling behaviour from a child you know doesn't have SN go seemingly unchecked and never wondered about it afterwards

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southeastastra · 22/03/2007 16:18

why don't you ask her why she didn't take him out? it's hard dealing with a biter

frances5 · 22/03/2007 22:26

fannyannie,

Aren't you the self rightous mother who has started the thread? You are the one who has fiercely critised this woman and she has no way of answering back. We do not know her circumstances or her reasons.

Maybe her child has special needs, maybe he doesn't, but assuming he has special needs is just plain silly. Many badly behaved kids have no medical problems or mental health issues either.

Traycee · 22/03/2007 22:29

ds1 hit me repeatedly in the street today on the neck. He's almost 8. It hurt. I made no response at all. He has SN, and no response is the "correct" response. I would assume this child had SN actually as the mother made no response.

If my other (younger) children hit me- they get told off!

misdee · 22/03/2007 22:30

Traycee · 22/03/2007 22:32

I'm not suggesting the child has SN becuase he bit by the way (my child with SN bites himself, not others) but because the mother made no response. IME the only mothers who make no response at all to such physical provocation have been taught not to- becuase it's actually bloody hard to do. Because you can't even say "ow" or "no" or flinch at all if you are following the "no response" method. I would think no response to biting is sufficiently hard to have been done on purpose.

frances5 · 23/03/2007 09:44

Traycee, I think your post is really good. It shows the importance of not judging other mothers.

Traycee · 23/03/2007 10:54

Thanks frances- I'm used to attracting tuts, glares and gasps whenever we venture out, so couldn't agree more about the judging!

Original poster

fannyannie · 25/03/2007 11:54

I don't recall "Judging" anyone - I@m not saying what she did was "right" or "wrong" - I just expressed suprised that there was no obvious "punishment" for his constant misbehaving, and the biting when told to stop.

Does that make me self-righteous because I dare to wonder or think about other peoples parenting techniques????

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zippitippitoes · 25/03/2007 12:02

my ds was an apparently normal child without a carrot and stick button

the chances are i might have reacted in the way you describe

i spent years refining techniques to try and be the best aprent i could for him..i've no doubt i was criticised behind my back many a time

did the child settle again after?

Original poster

fannyannie · 25/03/2007 12:04

no - was a little horror from start to finish (even after the "service" part was over and done with and he had his hands on his biscuits and juice he wouldn't do as he was told).

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frances5 · 25/03/2007 21:22

"Does that make me self-righteous because I dare to wonder or think about other peoples parenting techniques????"

Are other people's parenting techniques any of your business? You are lucky to have so much time on your hands to worry about the behaviour of other children.

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