I just don't get it?

[usersos]

I feel ashamed to say this "out loud" but as much as I love my baby I really don't like being a mum
Every night I dread that night, every morning I dread that day. I just find it a total slog and mostly a really unenjoyable one
9 month old baby. Have no support apart from my partner (who is amazing) but it'd break his heart if I told him how I feel
Everyone says it gets better and I suppose it gets "easier" but I still don't like it and miss my old life so much

There is absolutely no denying that being at home with the baby is HARD, it's really hard.

Once you've got the logistics down-pat (baby is fed and warm and clean and dry) it can be so BORING and completely unrelenting. Even when the baby is asleep you can't quite turn off, because he/she can wake up at any moment.

I found the only thing that helped was going back to work (when DD was six months old, DH is currently on shared parental leave). I adore my daughter, she is the best small person I've ever known, but there is no doubt, it's painfully hard.

You are not alone!

I don't have any advice but didn't want to read and not respond.

I hope someone comes along with some advice for you but are you sure you can't talk to your partner? He may be more supportive than you think.

It IS really bloody hard and the on going tiredness is a killer.

I remember asking a friend why she hadn't told me how hard it was and she said "you wouldn't have believed me."

Even when people say it's hard you can't really grasp just how hard it is.

It does get better though, honestly,when they're little it's relentless though ime.

Are you getting out and about to baby groups and generally have a routine ?

Being a mother is one of the biggest life changes you will ever experience in your life and it's also one of the hardest.
The amount of things we give up/put on hold for these little ones of ours.
But I know how you feel, I love being a mum but sometimes I feel I need a break. I don't have a social life, or many friends and my life literally revolves around my DC 24/7.

Here's a hug for you from someone who can relate

It is hard OP, I have a 3 yr old and a 10 month old. Do you have any friends with little ones? I find adult company a god send so agree with getting out and about to groups or with friends. Do you have a routine? Are you planning on going back to work?

I don't know if it's a society issue or what it is, but I don't feel first time mums are prepared enough for the realities.

We are sold this line that we can have a child and the baby will fit into our lives. Yes, we might be needed to increase our levels of responsibility, but mostly we can carry on and baby will fit in.

It just isn't like that. The main fault here is unrealistic expectations. You hear about what it will be like and assume you'll "do it right" so don't need to worry.

I was you OP not so very long ago! I hated hated hated the baby stage. So boring and lonely and it felt as though my life was over. Do you have plans to go back to work as that really helped me?

DS is now 16mo and is the joy of my life. A year was a massive turning point and the last couple of months even more so as his understanding and language have started to take off. He also sleeps well which is a life saver.

Many many hugs to you though it is so so tough

This was me to I now have a 15.5 month old and she is lovely .

It gets better when

They can walk
They can talk
You go back to work

....then you have another and back to square one!! X

I don't want anymore thanks
Thanks so much for your replies. It means a lot honestly
I do work but I'm self employed from home so I don't interact with anyone plus the place I live is pretty small and so very little "going on"
I'm in a great routine so I do get a few hours off when he sleeps or goes to nursery
I think being a mum is a job I just don't like....it's just not me....
Ironically it's not as hard as I thought it'd be as being around my friends and families babies who were difficult, I had prepared myself as to how it would be, I just didn't expect to dislike it as much

You might enjoy being the parent of a toddler - I do and I hate being the parent of an under 1 year old!

My toddler is funny and interesting, doesn't tantrum and is really good company.

I do agree it's not what I expected and I don't enjoy the first year but the second and third have made up for it.

Have you been able to continue your old hobbies etc? X

They are very funny when they are toddlers, and you start getting a lot back rather than just giving all the time-consuming which helps!

It gets much better when they get a bit older. Being a SAHM to twins nearly finished me off. Going back to work 3 days a week when they were 1 saved my sanity. Conversely when they got to about 3 I wished I could stay home more as they start becoming really good company.

I could have written this Usersos, I agree wholeheartedly.

Except my dp doesn't really help me so I feel quite alone/lonely with it at times. I never get a break. Miss my old life

I felt like this with my first. I loved him but having a baby was nothing like I expected and I found it all so unrelenting and boring. At 11 months he suddenly transformed into a lovely and funny little person and it was absolutely brilliant.

My second is eight months old now and it's as awful as I remembered, but I know it does get better now.

I didn't mind the baby but, we could carry on as normal-ish. It is toddlerdom I dislike! No getting through to them, getting out and about is a nightmare as they don't want to sit in a pram anymore.

My youngest has turned 3 and I'm just about starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel!!

My oldest is in reception and so nice to go on days out with.

Fuck what so I've got a couple more years of this to go ?!

Are there any bits of motherhood you enjoy?

You might be like me user and like toddlers :) it's just the baby bit I dislike.

Damediazepam

• yes I'm sure there are but none that spring to mind

Do you think there's any chance you could have PND? I think your GP would be concerned to think there was nothing in motherhood you enjoyed,in fact it's one of the questions they ask you in a depression score sheet wether you've enjoyed things. Do you enjoy anything you do since having the baby?

I think the fact there's nothing you enjoy makes it sound like PND. It's not always diagnosed early on. Perhaps you could speak to your doctor?

I have bipolar and already on a lot of meds.....

It think you should definitely see your GP,sooner rather than later.