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Original poster

Mother's Day ruined, and it's my stupid fault :o(

46 replies

Greensleeves · 18/03/2007 13:27

Me again I'm afraid

We had a lovely morning, the boys had made cards and presents and we had breakfast together etc. Then we went for a walk to B&Q to buy some beddnig plants for our allotment, the boys are making their own flower bed and I wanted to do some work on it with them this afternoon.

Basically ds1 behaved atrociously all the way home, despite me being tolerant/gentle/encouraging, coaxing, giving cuddles etc. He whinged and screamed and eventually sat down on his bum in a puddle and refused to get up. He really hurt my arm when he did it too, I was holding his hand at the time. I was so angry and upset I just walked off up the hill about 20 yards, and dh followed me, and then we stopped and waited for him to give in and come after us. I feel like SUCH a stupid bitch for letting a stand-off like this develop. Anyway eventually after about 20 minutes of this we decided that I would go home, and dh would go down, talk to him about his behaviour and then bring him home to apologise. They've just got back, he was STILL whinging and protesting and saying "but I don't want to go to the stupid allotment today" and didn't apologise.

We were meant to be having a nice special family lunch today, just the four of us, I was going to cook fish and chips, and dh has put up pink balloons and the boys home-made "Happy Mother's Day" banners. And now it is all ruined . EVERY family occasion when I was little ended in heartbroken tatters when I was a child, Christmas, Mothers Day, etc. I have tried so hard, so hard to make our family happy and kind and loving, and my son hates me .

I know I am posting about ds1 too much at the moment, but I am so upset I think my heart is going to burst and I don't want him to see me crying, and there's no way to avoid it because I am.

OP posts:
Aloveheart · 18/03/2007 13:29

I'm sure your ds doesn't hate you... Can you not start again?? It is still early.

fryalot · 18/03/2007 13:30

{{{hug}}}

Firstly, calm down. You didn't do anything wrong. All kids get like this at times. It is not your fault.

Secondly, we get so worked up about "occasions" that they are always going to end in heartbreak. This does not make you a bad mum. Take half an hour, have a cup of tea, don't think about anything. Then go and look at your children. (just look - don't talk to them) and then come back on here and post what they are doing.

threelittlebabies · 18/03/2007 13:30

It doesn't sound like all your fault at all. I understand why you are upset though, you poor thing. Is it something that DS1 will forget about as the day goes on? Sorry it had to happen today, have you any wine?

Hope your day gets better

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foxybrown · 18/03/2007 13:31

Oh Sweety - its not ruined really is it? Can you pull it back together? He might be coming down with something?

It sounds like its all set up for a lovely day. He doesn't hate you, he ADORES you.

These things happen every day, its no big deal that its happened today, just more disappointing.

If I were you I'd go to bed and have a lie down for 20 mins. Then I'd try to get him in there for a cuddle, and make it up to each other.

My day is shit too, if its any consolation.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 18/03/2007 13:31

I know I've got to Aloveheart, I just can't get myself together. I must sound a bit loopy, sorry, it's just the latest in a strong of worries about ds1 at the moment, and I am hypersensitive because it's Mothers Day (not a great day for me for other reasons).

Poor dh has really made an effort to make it lovely for me too, he even got me smoked salmon for breakfast

I think I am turning into something much worse than my own mother, I can't run this family, I keep messing everything up

OP posts:
DrunkenSailor · 18/03/2007 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Kbear · 18/03/2007 13:32

Greeny, don't let it ruin the day. Come on, it's a couple of spoiled hours and let's face it, you're lucky to get through a whole day without a drama in any family.

It spirals out of control in every household sometimes but it's bringing it back from the brink that's the hard part. Sometimes I go upstairs and run a bath and half an hour to myself if I'm worked up and that usually does the trick.

Deep breaths, go and make up with him, have a family hug and a make each other giggle and go on an enjoy the rest of your day.

Zog · 18/03/2007 13:33

Oh Greensleeves

You can break the cycle of family occasions ending in "heartbroken tatters". You must plaster a smile on your face and go back out there. Don't take things like this personally (hard, I know) - he's only little and it'll be miserable for him growing up feeling responsible for spoiling everyone's day. He doesn't hate you, he's a small child. Look at the banners, that's how much you mean to your sons.

Enjoy your fish and chips and try and spiral upwards now

Aloveheart · 18/03/2007 13:33

you dont' have to say sorry my two were awful in tescos yesturday i nearly cried. ((((hugs))))

bampa · 18/03/2007 13:34

poor you greensleaves. sounds to me though like you're being way too hard on yourself, sound also like you are a fantstic mother and you HAVE created a happy kind and loving family. Children have tantrums and boys especially have so much testosterone raging through their bodies (especially during growth spurts) that they can act irrationally. have you read steve biddulp raising boys?
maybe you could try talking to him. i don't think that would be 'giving in' x

DeviousDaffodil · 18/03/2007 13:34

Sorry to hear this i am desperately trying to shake myself out of the bad mood i am in to stop the day being ruined.
These days like Xmas and others put too much pressure on us all to have a lovely day and when it isn't it seems so much worse.
I am trying to count my blessings right now and be grateful that i am a mother to two beuatiful sons ( even if they are a pair of whingeing swines!)
Let off steam on here and try and pick up where you left off...

harpsichordcarrier · 18/03/2007 13:34

Greeny I am talking to Franny (she is in Tescos car park) and we both say
WE LOVE YOU
but you are so silly for blaming yourself.
this happens to us four times a day but it is just so so so normal, you are doing such a great job.
the day is not ruined. take a deep breath, wipe the slate clean and start again.
HC xx
F&Z xx

JOSIE3 · 18/03/2007 13:35

Quite honestly i wouldn't let it ruin the day. Still go ahead and cook your special meal - get DH and any other kids you have to help - make it fun and see if he will join in. Then say nothing about behaviour this morning - it's obviously just going to wind people up again and i honestly don't think you'll be doing much gardening in this weather!

Keep going with the fun and he WILL calm down and join in - my memories of having ruined days with my parents are when they wouldn't let things drop - hence i couldn't calm down. I could be wrong, but i really hope this helps xxx big hugs x

Original poster
Greensleeves · 18/03/2007 13:35

Oh huge thanks everyone, what would I do without MN? I will pull myself together and start again if I can. It's not ds1's fault Mothers Day is so loaded for me. DH thinks I should let him see that I am crying and explain to him that Mothers Day is a bit difficult for me because we don't see my Mummy any more. I'm not sure whether I should, or whether I should leave him upstairs a bit longer, fix my face up and pretend nothing happened?

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 18/03/2007 13:36

you had a lovely morning
there was a little blip
now you are going to have a lovely afternoon with your lovely children and your family.
go, have a lobely afternoon

harpsichordcarrier · 18/03/2007 13:37

tell him you're upset and why, why not?
then have a big cuddle and move on xx

bampa · 18/03/2007 13:37

i would do a bit of both. get yourself together and then go talk to him and explain why mother's day is hard for you. I'm sure he's very sorry x

Original poster
Greensleeves · 18/03/2007 13:38

turning back into a human being instead of a jelly now

And the sun has come out. I will go up and give him a huge cuddle and tell him that Mummy is sorry for being grumpy, and he will apologise for being stubborn.

I have got PMT as well I think

OP posts:
berolina · 18/03/2007 13:38

Greeny sweetie. He's 4. You know how much he adores you. He's little and can't always handle the strength of his emotions yet. These things happen in the very best of families (to which category yours undoubtedly belongs). It's going to turn out alright, I promise. Lots of love xxx

Kbear · 18/03/2007 13:39

If you think he's old enough to understand how you're feeling I think you should go for it. I am often very honest with DD (8) about why I feel the way I do and she "gets" me and doesn't think I'm a screeching banshee for no reason if I explain!

Come on, it's only lunchtime.

Put some mad music on the cd player and pogo around the living room with a bit of air guitar. Works for the kbears! And I don't usually share embarrasing family moments with MN but "Rebel Yell" last night about tea time was particularly spectactular in our house!!

princessmel · 18/03/2007 13:59

Poor you

I think its a good idea to say that your feeling a bit down today (without going into too much detail ) and have a hug and start again.

p.s how could HC and F+Z be mnetting and be in tesco carpark at the same time??? Do extreme mumsnetters take their laptop to the supermarket with them??

princessmel · 18/03/2007 13:59

you're

foxinsocks · 18/03/2007 14:07

aww it's not ruined - it's just had a false start. And I agree with everyone else, nothing a lovely cuddle won't fix.

Sounds like very typical behaviour (crikey, my ds is 5 and we still have lots of days like this) and it ALWAYS seems worse when you're feeling sensitive yourself.

Have a group hug, cook your fish and chips (yummmm) and enjoy the rest of the day.

shouldbedoingsomethingelse · 18/03/2007 14:07

my dd1 always does this sort of thing on special days. She either hurts the other dc or us just plain and simply moody and stroppy.

I know its all attention seeking but I am at a loss as to what to do with her. We have tried giving her special responsibilities but that always backfires!

Our junior school never even mentions Mothers day so when all my DC are there and not at infants (where they all make cards etc) I wont be celebrating(!) it anymore.

DumbledoresGirl · 18/03/2007 14:12

Awww Greensleeves, I can so relate to what you wrote. I runined Mothers Day this morning only I fell out with dh rather than the children.

I have always had "issues" with dd and I remember one birthday (I think her third or he behaved abominably. I think it was also Mothers Day. Anyway, I ended up storming out of the house for an hour. I deeply regreted what had happened on her birthday.

But then, I have a history of ruining family events, just as you mentioned. Birthdays, Christmases, holidays, the catalogue of occasions just goes on and on. My family love to bring them up every so often although what I did on my 17th birthday was so awful, it is never dared mentioned by anyone

All you can do is pick up where you can and try to salvage what you can from each day. You gave me hugs this morning so here are some very uncharacteristic hugs back!{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}