Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Mother's Day ruined, and it's my stupid fault :o(

46 replies

Greensleeves · 18/03/2007 13:27

Me again I'm afraid

We had a lovely morning, the boys had made cards and presents and we had breakfast together etc. Then we went for a walk to B&Q to buy some beddnig plants for our allotment, the boys are making their own flower bed and I wanted to do some work on it with them this afternoon.

Basically ds1 behaved atrociously all the way home, despite me being tolerant/gentle/encouraging, coaxing, giving cuddles etc. He whinged and screamed and eventually sat down on his bum in a puddle and refused to get up. He really hurt my arm when he did it too, I was holding his hand at the time. I was so angry and upset I just walked off up the hill about 20 yards, and dh followed me, and then we stopped and waited for him to give in and come after us. I feel like SUCH a stupid bitch for letting a stand-off like this develop. Anyway eventually after about 20 minutes of this we decided that I would go home, and dh would go down, talk to him about his behaviour and then bring him home to apologise. They've just got back, he was STILL whinging and protesting and saying "but I don't want to go to the stupid allotment today" and didn't apologise.

We were meant to be having a nice special family lunch today, just the four of us, I was going to cook fish and chips, and dh has put up pink balloons and the boys home-made "Happy Mother's Day" banners. And now it is all ruined . EVERY family occasion when I was little ended in heartbroken tatters when I was a child, Christmas, Mothers Day, etc. I have tried so hard, so hard to make our family happy and kind and loving, and my son hates me .

I know I am posting about ds1 too much at the moment, but I am so upset I think my heart is going to burst and I don't want him to see me crying, and there's no way to avoid it because I am.

OP posts:

Soapbox · 18/03/2007 14:17

Greensleeves - why is the day ruined?

How can you let one episode of shitty 4yo behaviour ruin a whole day?

4yos are little shit bags sometimes - that doesn;t make whole days shit days though.

Just know when to draw the tizzy to a close- sit down have a cuddle and swiftly move on to enjoy the rest of the day.

Come on - you have devoted a huge part of your life to being a superb mummy to your boys. Give yourself a pat on your back today - of all days - and give yourself the credit you deserve!

DrunkenSailor · 18/03/2007 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EmilyDavidson · 18/03/2007 14:25

The moring might be a write off ,but the whole day cannot possibly be ruined this early on.

Get off the internet and do something nice with them and the day can still be a success

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

franca70 · 18/03/2007 14:39

Greeny, anyone would be grumpy after a morning in B&Q . From the little I know of you, you are a fantastic mother. I'm sure you are now enjoying your special afternoon with your ds

franca70 · 18/03/2007 14:45

Also, and I'm sure you know that, happy, kind and loving families, like the one you and your husband are raising, are not happy, kind and loving all the time...

shouldbedoingsomethingelse · 18/03/2007 16:13

aww drunkersailor I can really relate to what your saying as thats the line my DD gives me often!

she has been a pain when its anyones special day for as long as I can remember. (she is 11 now) she really is making my life an misery.

Dior · 18/03/2007 16:26

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey · 18/03/2007 17:32

Greeny well done for pulling this back, how was the rest of the day? I will post more about this later when I get a chance, unless you would rather draw a veil over it for now...

"how could HC and F+Z be mnetting and be in tesco carpark at the same time??? Do extreme mumsnetters take their laptop to the supermarket with them??"

Well, I mean duh, of course we do

(I was not actually on MN you will notice, I was on the phone to HC who was on MN)

JackieNo · 18/03/2007 17:40

Greensleeves - hope the rest of the day improved for you.

Talking of 'extreme mumsnetting - here's Frannyandzooey at the beach .

SpagblogisaClusterfuck · 18/03/2007 17:42

I hope you enjoyed the rest of your day.
Unfortunately events like this make people feel that everything has to be perfect, that children will be smiling and loving, and the family will gambol along in a rosy tinted glow.

That sounds like a tv sitcom, but not real life.
Today DD has whinged and moaned all day, DS ran away in B&Q and was dragged down the aisles by one arm (again).
The place where we were supposed to eat looked awful and we ended up at McD's which in my opinion was worse than dry beef and rock hard yorkshires!

However, this is real life, and I have enjoyed the most of it.
Mind you, clearly my expectations are far lower than yours!

berolina · 18/03/2007 17:46

Greeny, have been thinking of you on and off all afternoon, envying those home-made chips and hoping things have improved. (No Mother's Day here, have to wait till May).

filthymindedvixen · 18/03/2007 17:53

greeny, been away overnight trying to have a valentine's day with my dh (after a disstrous Valentine's Day in feb...) so only just seen this. Wish I could give you a proper hug (i have a simialr prob with father's day, so i think I may understand a little of how you feel)

Hope you had the day you hoped for in the end and just the thought of you going to get flowers for their 'their' flower bed made me well up. You're a fantastic mum and they are very lucky children. {{{hugs}}}, and sparkles.x

Original poster

Greensleeves · 18/03/2007 18:45

Well, we did have a big cuddle and a chat, and we had a laugh about how his stubborness and my grumpiness had made a really rotten mixture We went to the allotment and cloched up all our plants and put new flowers in, in a hailstorm! Then we came back, dh and I cooked together and we had a lovely relaxed dinner, took ages over it and we ended up giggling and flicking bits of ice cream at each other (no wonder my kids are incorrigible )

I feel a bit silly now for going to pieces earlier, I think it was just generally the pressures of The Day and bad memories etc, plus ds1 has been worrying me a bit lately anyway. Thanks everyone for buoying me up, it made ALL the difference. The boys are in the bath now and will be in bed by seven, after a great afternoon, so I doubt ds1 will even remember this morning's stand-off.

What stood out for me from the posts I read on here was that the awful "tattered celebrations" thing when I was little wasn't about children behaving badly and ruining things (in any given 6-hour period there WILL be bad behaviour), it was about the adults involved not being able to 'get past' the bad behaviour and actually allowing the whole day to be ruined. I hadn't thought of it like that before. What a muppet I am.

I hope you all had a lovely day too. xx

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 18/03/2007 18:57

Hooray

kisses
xxxx

bampa · 18/03/2007 19:00

so glad greensleaves. x

franca70 · 18/03/2007 19:02

Glad to hear you had a lovely day, I've been thinking about you during the afternoon, glad you didn't freeze in the wind!

FrannyandZooey · 18/03/2007 21:11

Greeny I think you probably already know this logically but you need to start helping yourself to FEEL it emotionally:

You are NOT responsible for the happiness of everyone in your family at all times, nor should you try to be. You are ONE MEMBER of the family and not the person responsible for all woes and triumphs.

Plus as HC says the rest of us all have crap behaviour like this happen so often that we have ceased to notice it

no, the sitting in a puddle bit was quite bad I am sure. Even though the mental image of it, with you standing 20 yards off tearing your hair out is, dare I say it, quite comic??? Ds had a SUPERB tantrum recently about not wanting to walk into town. He ended up lying on the ground screeching with rage "Look Mummy I am LYING in the MUDDDDDD". I am afraid I could not contain my snorting.

ANYWAY. Your feast days are so important to you, and you plan them so carefully, that any deviation from 24 hours of family bliss is going to cut you to the quick. The boys are not going to give a shit if you got a bit grumpy in B+Q or if there was a bit of a shout in the street or whatever. They will remember making the banners and eating the fish and chips. PLEASE don't be so hard on yourself - my god you need to cut yourself some slack atm!!!

ScummyMummy · 18/03/2007 21:14

Good post franny. I"m really glad your day got better, greensleeves. Four year olds can really pull out all the stops to make you feel like a bad parent at times as I recall.

Mercy · 18/03/2007 21:18

Yes, also agree with Franny's post.

Don't try too hard; glad it turned out ok in the end.

Socci · 18/03/2007 21:25

Message withdrawn

Sakura · 19/03/2007 01:15

Glad it all worked out in the end, Greensleeves. Lovely piece of insight there, about the family days being ruined by the adults not being willing to look past the kids behaviour, rather than by the kids themselves.
My mothers day went okay, because I totally forgot it was mothers day

Flip

1 2