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Parenting

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Original poster

Thinking of having another baby but ....

26 replies

crackalacking · 05/05/2017 21:26

My kids are very against it .
I am with my new partner and we are so happy together. I have 3 kids ...2 boys aged 19&10 and one daughter aged 16 from my 17 year marriage. My boyfriend has one daughter aged 4 .
My question is will they come round to the idea or will there always be a divide ? .I don't want them to feel pushed out ....it should be a happy thing . Thanks in advance .

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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BlahBlahBlahEtc · 05/05/2017 21:31

How long have you been with your partner? Have your kids been feeling a bit pushed out with your new relationship? Or do they maybe feel like you're rushing things? I'm just asking because you said he's a new partner.

Original poster

crackalacking · 05/05/2017 21:35

We have only been together 11 months... it's been a whirlwind relationship . Been separated for 3 yrs from my husband .
My partner lives with us and we have his daughter come stay every other weekend . We all get on very well . My eldest son is off to uni this September.

OP posts:

SarcasmMode · 05/05/2017 21:39

How old are you? I'd ideally wait at least another 6 months.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds 19 years old 4 year olds Families

Original poster

crackalacking · 05/05/2017 21:40

I'm 37 and he is 32 ...I feel like I'm running out of time .

OP posts:

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 05/05/2017 21:45

Have you asked your kids why they are so against it? I just wonder what their reasons are given that you're all happy and that. Do they all feel the same way or is it one or two of them? Sorry for the barrage of questions!

Ultimately though, it's you and your partners decision. I do think that if you haven't asked them why they feel that way, you should, but you know your kids better than I do. Maybe they'd come round when it's a 'when' not a 'what if' if you know what I mean. You do sound very happy and sure it's what you and your partner want, that has to account for something

ZilphasHatpin · 05/05/2017 21:48

it's been a whirlwind relationship

For this reason alone, don't have a child with him yet. You're still in honeymoon period, it's all lovely. You don't really know him yet.

Original poster

crackalacking · 05/05/2017 21:53

I know 2 of them feel that way ....as I said my eldest is moving out and is an adult so it wouldn't affect him . My daughter wants my attention all the time and I'm guessing she would be jealous ....My youngest is such a mummies boy and says he couldn't deal with the house and mess.
My boyfriend is my best friend and an amazing dad ....that's what really made me love him so much . How wonderful it would be to have a baby with a man who is so supportive and takes being a father seriously .
I had none of that with my husband . I did everything myself . No help from any family members. ...me myself and I !

OP posts:

MyCalmX · 05/05/2017 21:57

Well no one knows if they'll come around

But honestly, I wouldn't do it. I'd focus on my dc and sdc.

But I'd bet you'll just crack on and hope for the best eh. Fuck the dc you have you deserve the different experience with this "amazing dad".

Original poster

crackalacking · 05/05/2017 21:58

Just a little back story . When i met my husband it was also a whirlwind relationship. I was 17 when I fell pregnant after 3 months into our relationship .we were married after 6 months of being together. And stayed married for 17 yrs so I guess you can say In that instance it worked well for us .

OP posts:

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 05/05/2017 21:58

Well there seems to be no major issues there from my perspective. A new baby is quite an intimidating prospect to other kids ..even if they are 16 and 10. If it's something you both really want then go for it. It's you two that are the parents after all and it's not like you're naive on the child rearing lol. Seriously, good luck to you, you sound so happy and it's lovely.

Original poster

crackalacking · 05/05/2017 22:00

That's not very nice mycalmx

OP posts:

ZilphasHatpin · 05/05/2017 22:00

so I guess you can say In that instance it worked well for us

Well no it didn't really did it because in your previous post you've just said your ex wasn't supportive and didn't take being a father seriously. And also, you split up. So no, it didn't really work out, you just tolerated it.

I had none of that with my husband . I did everything myself

snorymcsnoreson · 05/05/2017 22:05

I nearly did this and am glad I didn't.

Babies are such bloody hard work. Enjoy the time you've with your new partner when you have child free time.

NuffSaidSam · 05/05/2017 22:13

He's an amazing Dad every other weekend to a four year old.

Was he that amazing when he was living with her mother and she was a baby?

Why does he only see her every other weekend?

If him being there to support you and be an amazing dad is really important then I'd hold off for another year and see if you feel the same. I'd also want to know how great he was previously.

If it's just that you really want another baby and won't mind parenting it alone 12 days out of every 14 (if you split and he only sees it EOW) then go for it.

amyyyyy · 05/05/2017 22:14

I'll sound awful but I think 4 kids between you is enough.

Underthemoonlight · 05/05/2017 22:24

I can see why they have concerns its far too quick you haven't even spent almost it of time with his dd let alone having another child together.

Biscusting · 05/05/2017 22:38

You may have missed out on the experience of raising kids with an "amazing dad" but even in the best relationships, having a baby puts a strain on things.
I'd say DH is great and very supportive but even then, in the early baby days, he earns more money and I'm the one with breasts, so childcare falls mostly to me.

You mentioned how you had your first baby quite young. So you also missed out on the amazing bits of a relationship blossoming. Surely staying caught up in a "whirlwind" and growing together would be just as lovely without the added pressure of a baby. The four that you have will no doubt feel more secure.

MyCalmX · 05/05/2017 22:41

I have a relative who has 4 dc to 3 different df. It's fucking chaotic, 3 of them are half siblings and cousins.

So I think you should have a good hard think before jumping in again.

It's the dc I feel sorry for.

Biscusting · 05/05/2017 22:41

I imagine the 4 and 10 year old may need extra time and support whilst your family's merge together.

Biscusting · 05/05/2017 22:45

I had a £10 bet on that MycalmX had a backstory.

She does have a point. It's not a decision to rush into

ZilphasHatpin · 05/05/2017 22:46

Personally I would want to have some other form of commitment from him (marriage) before I would make the permanent commitment of creating a new person with him.

MyCalmX · 05/05/2017 22:57

Seeing it up close and personal, in a few different situations, has probably tainted my view.

The dc already here always, always get fucked over while the DP sprout the same BS of everyone so happy with new baby.

I'm never sure if they actually believe it or just really want it to be so.

I find it really upsetting tbh with the situations I know of.

ZilphasHatpin · 05/05/2017 23:02

Well we see it on MN all the time. We all know how it goes. People rush in to new relationships, put their new partner before their kids, create a new child, squash all the kids into 2 bedrooms and then post threads asking how to manage the inevitable nightmare that has created, then surprise surprise he isn't as fab as he made out, his ex may have had a point about him being a useless waste of space father but oh shit, now you've got his child you're stuck with him and you don't want to lose face by admitting everyone who warned you was right so you trot out the old "he's a great dad" line.

mimiholls · 06/05/2017 08:04

I don't understand how your first marriage "worked out well"

You've got 4 great kids between you, I would agree you should focus on the kids you've got and your new relationship. Why not have some more time for yourselves and focus on that for a while. At 11 months you barely know him.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 06/05/2017 08:10

What's the story behind him moving into your house op - how quickly did he move in and why? For kids that is a big adjustment and sounds like it happened very quickly.

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