Wtf do I do??!! Absolutely terrified!!

[lifesjoys]

I'm the same poster who posted a thread about being a single mum wanting help!

Well, it's getting bloody worse & im at a loss as to what to do.

My baby slept on my chest last night, not for me, not because I think it's cute but solely because when I put him in his cot, he screamed. Took him out, consoled him & put him back in countless times yet the screaming started again.

At 2am after a big feed, I finally gave up, put him on my chest & we both fell asleep.

Well, I then slept walked with him I dreamt I was looking after 2 other babies & went to look for them all the while carrying him too!

Then, now this is where I don't know if it was a dream or not but I woke up in bed with him on my chest as expected however his face was pressed in my chest (he is more than capable of moving his own head, automatically turns to the side) & I had to blow on him to get him to breath!!

Wtf!! I can't risk having him on me anymore yet he won't sleep in his cot!!
I can't bear to try CC, especially as he's only 25 days old.

Someone please help me, tell me what to do. Even if it was a dream, it's still scared the shit out of me & I can't take any chances.

He's in a full size cot, I know he's too young as he's so small (only just getting to 8lbs) but he screams in his Moses basket too, he's so unsettled wherever he is.

Mother of the year award goes to!!

Me!

I've just put him in his swing seat, swaddles & he cried himself to sleep

Whilst I sat & cried too

I've considered asking SS for some extra help but mum keeps putting me off telling me they will end up taking him off me if I admit I'm struggling.

She even worried me when I said I referred to homestart, told me they might contact SS.

I get her reasoning, last year, someone contacted them and said she was neglecting my brothers as one wasn't going to school (on advice of consultant due to ME), they held a conference and were debating whether to put in short term foster care.

Luckily they went about it all the wrong way and the person heading the conference cut the meeting short, had a chat with my mum and found it to be a malicious referral.

Now she's scared when anyone has an input in anyone's life with a child.

A full size cot is a huge scary place for a tiny baby, if he cries anywhere I don't get the logic of 'he might aswell cry in his cot then' - why not 'if he cries anywhere he might aswell cry in his Moses basket'?

I'm just wondering if your expectations might be a little high too - are you expecting him to fall asleep alone? I would say he's much too young for that and it's totally normal to fall asleep on you and be put down asleep

I don't know what the advice is these days either but all 3 of mind have slept on their front - they've all thrashed their arms and legs and screamed Like they were frightened on their backs, much more comfortable and secure on their front - maybe try some different sleeping positions?
You didn't answer about a dummy, does he have one?

Some babies just don't like sleeping alone.

www.isisonline.org.uk/pdf_info/

These are info leaflets about normal infant sleep and how to safely co-sleep. Set up safe co-sleeping for tonight.

Sweetheart, you need to reach out for some help and not listen to your mum's stories. I get that she was in a very scary place but here's the thing - everyone knows new mums need support. Whether the support is forthcoming or not is another story depending on what LA you live in, but you will not be punished or penalised for asking for it.

That said, i wouldn't go to SS as a first step. How is your health visitor? I'd go HV/GP for some support and advice and potentially reflux investigations, Homestart would be my next step, then take it from there.

Don't put your baby down on his front though.

So familiar. For first 8 weeks that is how ds2 fed and slept. I made a 'throne' of pillows to support my head/neck and arms so I knew he wouldn't roll off to the side. I remember telling my gp at 6week check it was the only way he'd sleep and she said 'lucky him'! I finally moved him on with a swaddle once asleep and then a tight cuddle followed by a sllloooww lowering into Moses basket-I used stay holding him for a few seconds after he was in- quite the move! ;) I probably should have swaddled earlier. I also put a top of mine around the MB mattress so it was his 'sheet' iykwim. Hth. I know those dreams so well.

One of mine did this and it turned out to be colic. I was like a walking zombie until I got colic drops for his bottle , I breastfed him but had to switch to bottles with the drops on the advice of very old midwife in her 80s..my health was suffering and she spotted it

There is no such thing as colic. It is just unexplained crying.
But if you investigate properly there is always a reason for excessive crying, usually one of or a combination of:
Reflux
Allergies
Overtired

I found when my baby would do the same as you've described I would just keep offering thr breast. Offer again. And again. Until she finally tipped over the edge of "milk drunk" and I swaddled her tightly and she would sleep.

We also had a Cocoonababy - she has since grown out of the worst of the reflux, luckily. But whenever she won't settle, always just kept offering the breast, even if I thought she shouldn't still be hungry.

Ok we all have a mussel at the top of our stomachs and in some children this doesn't close properly until they are 6 months old so the mussel is open to the stomach contents when lay flat

You will notice how 'colic' babies suddenly improve when the sit up right? It's because this mussel has closed

You need to prop him up - the crying in the car seat isn't pobably wind coming up by itself because he's upright (bit of acid burn as well probably)

Keep his head above stomach at all times and you will have a different baby in a couple of days

ANd there is loads in research on this mainly American where they have more products to help keep baby up - particularly foam wedges for cots

DD was like this. We ended up with a really soft squishy pillow in her Moses basket and cot that sort of cuddled around her when we put her down. She was propped up slightly by it which seemed to help with colic. We also used to give her dentinox colic drops and a dummy that we put dentinox teething gel on (tasteless rather than mint or anais).

DD was in SCBU in Germany for a month and all the incubators had huge fluffy quilts in. I reckon they knew what they were doing.

Oh and DD slept really well in hospital - it was only when we bought her home that she turned into the incredible non sleeping kid :-/

Have you heard of babocush? It was a god send for us when our DS was a baby. It simulates your heart beat and baby feels like they're lying on mum but is safer and allows a break for you which is just as important!!!

I don't think you could leave baby on there all night but DS used to fall into a deep sleep on there (supervised!) and could then just be switched into Moses basket.

I second the idea of smells too - bonding hearts are great? You wear one in your bra all day and then place next to him while he's sleeping xx

Where are you geographucally OP? Maybe some experienced mums in that area could help with advice and support groups, they may know of peer counsellors in the area etc?

Although our 11 week old isn't as bad as yours we did have to hold her 2 sleep for the first few weeks (we could do this though because there is 2 of us so we did the night in shifts. Only saying this so it doesn't seem like I'm just saying yeah just keep holding her I had to do that too!).

Weve just had a really tough time moving from moses to co-sleeping crib, and honestly the only thing that helps her is white noise. I've got one of my vests in there that smells of me, don't think that helped. I've got rolled up blankets under the sheet so she feels snug, not sure that helped either. Not long started using a sleeping bag so feed her her bottle when she's wearing that so that when I put her down she isn't touching cold sheets. I'd def recommend white noise if you're not already trying it. And I wish u so much luck, really feel for you reading your story.

I ended up videoing ds when the gp said he might 'grow out' of his ingrinal hernia. I knew that his face turning purple in pain wasn't 'just a bit of wind'. He was happy and smiley to the dr but in agony at other times. I would film it, just a short clip as you soothe with the other hand so they can see the extent of the pain. That is a thought - have you checked for any bumps in his groin area? They can come and go but ds had CMPI and a hernia and they interacted to produce even more pain - milk produced wind which popped the hernia out.

Oh OP, I want to give you a big hug and I am not a hugger!

I experienced a mental health event shortly after giving birth and I was terrified about seeking help because I was convinced they would take my son away from me. However, the doctors were absolutely clear with me that this was not going to happen. They would keep me with my baby at all times (so when I was admitted to hospital, baby came too).

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about someone taking your baby away and that being a block to seeking help. It sounds like you need some support.

He has a dummy, he will suck on then spit it out & start screaming.

I haven't let him cry himself to sleep on his own in his cot, I put him in his swing seat with me in sight.

Since he's been brought home, he hasn't been led flat, except nappy changes (which he hates).
Yet he still screams, he even wakes up & screams when led on me.

He's currently sat up asleep in swing seat.
He's on gaviscon
He's on cow & gate comfort
He doesn't eat regularly (when he feels like it).
Until recently, he's suffered with a small amount of constipation
He's back to normal now.
Only a handful of occasions has he been awake without crying.

I worry the stress my ex put me through during the pregnancy & me taking anti depressants has made my baby a very very unhappy and stressed out baby.

It upsets me because I don't feel like he's happy with me, I feel like he'd be so much happier with someone else.

I tried white noise, he screamed through it although il try anything again to see if it'll work.

OP you're not doing anything wrong! Every baby is so different, just like every adult is!! You just have to find your rhythm and that will be hard if you're exhausted yourself. Can't someone come and sit with him for a few hours while you take a bath and a nap?
You sound like you need help, there's no shame in admitting that, I'm in the north east of England if you want a shoulder to cry on and a cup of tea
Xx

Really feel for you op, it will get easier. Keep trying different things and defo try get a phone consultation with the doctor. It's all trial and error x

Aw thank you for reassuring me!

I'm down south unfortunately! Although the offer of a cup of tea is so tempting, I might just drive up!

He's been asleep for a while, has poo'd 3 times, so hopefully the c&g comfort is working!

- a good poo can fix a lot of things when you're small!! Fingers crossed he's a bit more comfortable!!! While he's asleep get yourself some sleep too
Xxx