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Are you the kind of parent that you expected/hoped you'd be?

39 replies

OrmIrian · 08/03/2007 17:27

I'm not. Having spent the first 30 something years of my life being laidback, tolerant to a fault, gently spoken, I turned into a much less self-effacing soul after my DS#2 was born. From being the mother who'd have all the kids in the street in my kitchen making bread and letting them all trash the place, I've become the kind of mother that has to suppress growls when kids ask to come in and who has no compuction about kicking them out when I've had enough. Less patient, less jolly, much less-earth mothery. Baby no 3 changed me as a parent so much more than I ever thought it would. But I'm also not so much of a doormat and starting to get back some kind of life for myself. So maybe it's not all bad. It's taken 3 kids to get there.

I hardly recognise myself sometimes. Anyone else?

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franca70 · 08/03/2007 17:37

Ohhhh yes. I often hardly recognize myself too. and not just as a mother. as a person in general. I'm grumpier. I get bored easily, and I thought I was that kind of person that could play all day with the children...

Lizzylou · 08/03/2007 17:39

Sometimes yes, other times I feel like a complete frazzled fraud.

rowan1971 · 08/03/2007 17:41

Motherhood has made me realise that I have a filthy temper. Had previously been convinced that I was pretty serene. On the upside, I'm a demon at organisation and time-management. My DP couldn't do in a week what I do in a day.

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Original poster
OrmIrian · 08/03/2007 17:43

Ha! Rowan! That's so familiar. I guess my temper was always there but no-one wound me up so much before...

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Twiglett · 08/03/2007 17:44

I'm better than I thought I'd be .. but I think I owe that to DH who had a very laissez-faire approach to DS when first born due to the fact he's Irish and used to millions of bairns around

he made me chill out

I am the everyone back to mine kind of mother and bake and do stuff that the pre-kids me would not recognise

rowan1971 · 08/03/2007 17:46

I talked to my mother about why this was so (the temper thing), and she pointed out that most adults, no matter how unpleasant they might be, will recognise by your body language when you're about to explode and will start to wind their necks in. Kids, however, do not read body language, at least not when they're two and full of additives. Thus they will push you to explosion point, and beyond.

Made me feel a bit better about being so horrid to the kids on occasion.

pinkchampagne · 08/03/2007 17:49

No I am worse than I thought I would be!

TrinityRhino · 08/03/2007 17:50

No not at all I'm complete shit and I hate myself for it

jellyhead · 08/03/2007 17:53

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Original poster
OrmIrian · 08/03/2007 17:54

jellyhead - that's the same as me. Yet I was told that going from 1 to 2 would be the real culture shock - wasn't for me.

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HEIFER · 08/03/2007 17:56

better and worse!

better in that I never thought I would want to be a SAHM ... and really enjoy it too.. DD is now 3 and I am still loving it (most of the time)....

Worse - Less tollerant of other peoples children than I thought I would be....

Cappuccino · 08/03/2007 17:58

no I am a miserable cow

my children were going to be surrounded by beautiful art and literature

Cbeebies however turned out to be the way to go

myturn · 08/03/2007 17:59

No, I'm much worse. Always thought I would be like my mother (she was and is a fabulous parent) but am NOTHING like her.

jellyhead · 08/03/2007 18:01

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OrmIrian · 08/03/2007 18:13

Yep...'forget to enjoy it'. That's it. I love them, I know they are growing up really fast, I know I'll miss them when they are gone and I know they are wonderful kids.....but they drive me up the wall a lot of the time and I'm sooo tired.

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jellyhead · 08/03/2007 18:14

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PippiLangstrump · 08/03/2007 22:07

I am better than I thought I'd be actually!!

I am not organized okay but I am getting better.

I am the more patient that I have ever ever been. And not only that it is the only time in my entire life that I am not 100% selfish. I do really have fun playing with DD especially being silly outside.

I surprised myself immensely and I am a much better person. My DD and DH are my saviours: if it wasn't for them I'd end up a crazy bitter old woman.

My previous nickname was uselessmum but I never truly believed I was useless.

Tatat · 08/03/2007 23:24

Everyone said "being a mum will make you less selfish" and although it has in some ways, I am very selfish with other things. A lot of friendships (not close ones) have fallen by the wayside as in the struggle for time, something has to give. And being more choosy about how I spend my time means that popping out for a few drinks in a town 1/2 an hours drive away to catch up with a friend I do like but -this is cruel- wouldn't be that bothered about not seeing for a few years, just isn't that attractive an option now I'm a mum.

I'm definitely more patient than I ever thought I would be. And no-one told me that I would have fun! "You'll love your baby" and "Your brain turns to mush" - both patently obvious- but I have waaaaay much more fun than I ever anticipated. Which is great!

saadia · 08/03/2007 23:28

I always knew that having kids would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. And I really do enjoy being with my kids, I find them and everything they do endlessly fascinating. I always had a temper, but since having the dss I have it much much more under control as I am very aware that children learn by example and I don't want to teach them to lose their temper.

stressteddy · 08/03/2007 23:28

Defo no. I thought I would be more laid back than I am. I've become this obsessive, worrying, over protective type person.
It's also waaaaaay harder than I could have ever imagined. I do love being a sahm though. Don't miss the career and the commute whatsoever

twinsetandpearls · 08/03/2007 23:31

No, always thought I would be a good parent and I am actually quite useless.

twinsetandpearls · 08/03/2007 23:33

Infact everyone I know thought I would make a really good mum, and people who have never actually seen my parentiong often say "I betyou are a great mum" as I do have a maternal gentle manner.

Really don't understand how or why it has gone so wrong.

choosyfloosy · 09/03/2007 00:18

I sort of knew I would find it hard as I love reading, sleep and solitude above all things. And I do.

I was distressed to find that giving birth does not per se make you less selfish - I think if this seems to happen it is actually the case that you weren't so selfish to begin with. I still find it embarassingly painful to do what I have to do to look after ds.

Chandra · 09/03/2007 00:31

I never thought I would have children, I hated being sat near a family in flights, I was more interested in puppies than in children and everybody said they couldn't imagine me as a mother when we decided to try for a baby.

Things were better than I expected, I'm far from being a perfect mother but I'm miles better than I ever dreamed to be. Having a baby and taking care of a toddler was far easier than I had anticipated (although is still quite a LOT of work). Risking being horribly smug, the compliments I hold dearest are those comments of people who knew me saying I didn't look like a first time mum.

But then, if you have seen me BC, you wouldn't believe it either.

NorksBride · 09/03/2007 00:54

Er, yes, actually I think I am!

Although I enjoyed the 'babies' part much more than I expected to.