Meltdowns about swimming lessons - should I stop taking her?

[Magicpaintbrush]

My DD (8) has been having swimming lessons since she was 2.5 years old and is halfway through Stage 4 - she can swim the length of the pool (25m) without a float but obviously is working on technique in lessons etc. However in the past few months she has been increasingly miserable about going to lessons, to the point she will sometimes have a meltdown in the car on the way there (sometimes to the point I know it's no good taking her and have to head home). I just don't think she enjoys it at all, and recently has been saying it makes her chest hurt, which I put down to the usual out-of-breath type burn that everybody gets sometimes during exercise or physical activity - and also she is a huge drama queen when it comes to illness so I have to take some things with a pinch of salt (every bedtime she will reel off a list of about 4 different things which she thinks is wrong with her etc), although that obviously doesn't mean I don't believe her, I just have to read between the lines. I had wanted to get her through to the end of Stage 5 at least, but now I'm torn. She is really hating it and I don't know whether to make her keep going to lessons or just stop. If it was anything else I would tell her she could stop, but I had always intended her to get to a certain level in swimming purely for safety reasons.

WWYD? I really can't figure out what's best to do.

I think you have been horribly ripped off. FIVE YEARS - and the worst part is she feels so miserable about it. I feel bad for you and your daughter.

Here's what I'd do... play it down, ie. don't make a big deal out of stopping lessons. But cancel lessons, let talk of swimming subside, then gradually introduce swimming as a fun thing. Don't make a deal out of it, just pop swimming things in car on occasion and head to a nice pool, spa, that sort of thing. After a few months, even a year, she'll associate being in water with having fun.

I was wondering whether your daughter had any physical issues, coordination trouble at all? Swimming can be extremely challenging for children with dyspraxia or other difficulties affecting coordination. In which case I'd invest in private lessons further down the track when she's feeling a bit happier.

My oldest took a couple of years to get to 1000m (by 8), my younger did it in a year at 6. All kids are different.

Do you have any way of seeing what's being assessed? Our swim teachers all have tablets (waterproof ones!) and they update progress for each child while teaching. We can then log on later and see what they've been assessed on, what they've passed, what they need to work on etc. Points are given as a percentage and when they reach 100% they move up a group.

My DD2 started lessons aged just 4, in the very first group (there were a few groups before the ASA numbered stages). She is now 7.5 and has gone through the numbered stages 1-8 and is currently about 3/4s of the way through the criteria for ASA 9&10 (4 lanes of kids swimming for an hour, stages 9&10 combined). She has also done Rookie Lifeguard Bronze 1, 2 and 3. When they do distance sessions every couple of months, she manages between 50 and 55 lengths in the hour - she's tiny though so does about 6 strokes to cover the same distance as bigger ones doing 2 strokes!

Would your DD prefer 1 to 1 lessons? I imagine these are more expensive (but much cheaper than the 5.5 years of lessons have been so far!). If you found a teacher she liked and could engage with, you'd probably find that progress was swift and your DD would hopefully enjoy swimming again.

I totally understand you wanting to get to the end of stage 5. That was what I did with mine, as at that point they can swim the strokes properly, and swim a fair distance.
My experience of school swimming is that it is about distance. The National Curriculum expects them to be able to swim 25 metres. This basically means that school swimming lessons are focussed on distance at the expense of learning good stroke technique.

My kids did swimming lessons until they finished stage 5. It took a LOT less than 5 years. BUT she did start very young, not sure it is worth spending any money on actual lessons until they are about 4/5.

I have 2 suggestions.

1. Go on holiday somewhere with a pool, and spend a week with her messing around in the water. Preferably with other kids. She will go fomr 25 metres to 100 metres with a week like this. That builds water confidence and swimming strength. Take things like diving rings so they play by diving down to get them.
2. Stop lessons for a year, then, after the holiday, go to swimming lessons somewhere else. One thing I look for in lessons is that they actually do a lot of swimming, it is amazing how much time kids spend waiting at the side instead of swimming. Another thing is that the water is deep enough, too shallow and they put their fete down all the time. Third thing is warm water, coll pool and changing rooms is miserable.

and just to add, I helped out at school swimming last term, year 4, so age 8-9.

There were very few who could only do 25 metres, and they were considered to be poor swimmers. Most of the class could comfortably do 50-100. (with a group of about 6 at the top end who could swim a lot further)
This is an area where many parents are poor and few go to swimming lessons or regularly swimming with families (the top group were all kids who had swimming lessons)

So your dd really isn't a great swimmer for her age, and does need more in some context.

I'd stop.

She can swim. There's plenty of time for her to go backt to it.

Why make her miserable and possibly end up hating swimming?

Look around for other lessons in the area and do a few trials. She might enjoy a new environment or a new way of teaching. Alternatively just take a break from it for a few terms and come back to it later. She is only eight! I pretty much taught myself to swim as a teen. My front crawl is shit but my breast stroke is fantastic.

My four year old has had about 9 months of 1-1/2-1 lessons and it's just not working for him. So I am taking him out and putting him into a local private school's swimming academy where he will swim in small groups to see if this changes him up a gear (he is capable but lazy). If we don't see any positive improvement I'm just going to pull him out altogether for a year or so and bring him back to it when he has matured a bit. It's no big deal unless you turn it into one.

I sat my DD down this morning to have (another) talk with her about this and she confessed that her main issue is in fact that she doesn't like her swimming teacher. She is apparently grumpy and telling them off all lesson for making mistakes, although I don't think there is any deliberate misbehaviour iyswim, just children making errors while learning. I think it has basically eroded DDs confidence and enjoyment of her lessons. She also mentioned again that part of it is her chest hurts after lessons, although I would hope that if she builds up more stamina this would ease off over time?? Or should I be worried about that? She also mentioned that some of the children in her class are unfriendly, so I guess she feels a bit alone during these lessons.

So, after talking it through with her she said she would like to continue swimming lessons if she could have a different teacher, so I am going to enquire whether there are any alternative teachers teaching stage 4 and try and get her moved to another class. This thread has really opened my eyes to what her swimming could have been like if she had been taught elsewhere, as so many others have children who are miles ahead after taking lessons for much shorter times than my DD and I now have a basis for comparison. I just feel like we have wasted this precious learning time at a Pool where standards may not be as high as at others. So, for the time being I will see about her changing classes, see how she gets on, and in the meantime I will do some research into where else we could go for lessons - although having already looked I think we would have to travel miles away to find anything decent unfortunately, I can't find anything local which looks any better (we are north kent if anyone local has any suggestions - Swale to be precise). If she still has issues in her new class then I will take her out of lessons altogether and give her a break. I think that seems the best thing to do, if she still has some willing to do her lessons providing they are with a different teacher. Fingers crossed.

Having looked at the pool timetable it's not the best pool to go for a family swim; during the week it's all lessons after school and there is only a tiny bit of pool allocated for public swimming, and at the weekends it is round the clock wave machines, floats and load music for the majority of the day.

Your idea of the hell that is wave machines, loud music etc (which I share) may be the fun part of 'swimming' that your DD needs. At the moment she only sees the pool as somewhere she has been having lessons, which she hates, for what must seem like forever.
She knows you're keen for her to improve her swimming and doesn't want to disappoint you so she's trying to give you a reason she doesn't like her lessons. I'm sure her truth is, "I just hate the lessons!"

I don't think a length is enough. Mine had to be bronze medallion standard. She will fairly soon be wanting to go to the pool, river or beach with friends. They'll muck around and accidents happen. At eight she's old enough not to throw paddys. She's old enough to cope with a little grumpiness once a week. At 8years, 25 metres isn't a good swimmer what's she been doing all this time?

Sorry - yes mine went through moany periods but I was resolute. They are all strong, confident swimmers and all say they are glad I kept them going.