Meltdowns about swimming lessons - should I stop taking her?

[Magicpaintbrush]

My DD (8) has been having swimming lessons since she was 2.5 years old and is halfway through Stage 4 - she can swim the length of the pool (25m) without a float but obviously is working on technique in lessons etc. However in the past few months she has been increasingly miserable about going to lessons, to the point she will sometimes have a meltdown in the car on the way there (sometimes to the point I know it's no good taking her and have to head home). I just don't think she enjoys it at all, and recently has been saying it makes her chest hurt, which I put down to the usual out-of-breath type burn that everybody gets sometimes during exercise or physical activity - and also she is a huge drama queen when it comes to illness so I have to take some things with a pinch of salt (every bedtime she will reel off a list of about 4 different things which she thinks is wrong with her etc), although that obviously doesn't mean I don't believe her, I just have to read between the lines. I had wanted to get her through to the end of Stage 5 at least, but now I'm torn. She is really hating it and I don't know whether to make her keep going to lessons or just stop. If it was anything else I would tell her she could stop, but I had always intended her to get to a certain level in swimming purely for safety reasons.

WWYD? I really can't figure out what's best to do.

Oh my God, it sounds like my Dd is really behind compared to a lot of other children. But why? I wouldn't say other children learning at the same leisure centre are speeding through their ASA levels any faster than she is so it must be the teaching?? At our leisure centre I would say there isn't enough pool space for each class actually, the main pool is split into about 6 small sections and everyone just squeezed in. I think she used to enjoy her level 3 lessons, I think she just finds level 4 more tiring and so isn't enjoying it. It is a really long time to be doing lessons and only be able swim 25 metres, I feel quite stupid for not questioning the slowness of her progress, but it seems to be the norm at our local pool so have nothing to compare it to. I am staggered that another child mentioned on this thread can swim 600 metres - that's about 24 lengths! Is that usual????

My three year old niece can swim two lengths of a 25 metre pool.

My only just 7 year old DD is nearly through stage 6, and I think her last length badge was 200m. I think after 5 years of lessons I'd expect your DD to be better than she is. Agree with previous posters, if she's hating it that much I think it's best to leave the lessons for now and take her swimming socially (maybe take her and a friend?) I am a competent swimmer but went for adult lessons and picked up a lot of techniques then, so it's not a 'now or never' scenario.

I think you need to find somewhere else to do lessons. My 8 year old DD has also been going to lessons since she was 3 and has now been moved to a development squad. They easily cover 60-70 lengths of a 25m pool in an hour long session.

Omg this is really bad. I had no idea she wad so far behind other kids of her age, I feel like I've really let her down . All those years of doggedly going to lessons week in and week out. What was the point.

Magic- can she really only swim one length? Or has she just never tried to do more?

I would honestly just stop. If she can swim a legnth, turn on her back and float and get out of the pool not using the steps that's all she needs. Not everyone likes swimming!

I don't think 600m is the norm!

Our local pool rules require a person to be able to:

• swim 50m unaided
• tread water for 1 minute

In order to go into the deep end.

That is therefore my requirements for DC. Swimning is not an option until they can swim 50m and tread water. They can then freely and confidently swim in deep water.

Once at that point, swimming lessons become optional.

There is nothing wrong with her ability. Starting swimming lessons young is about water confidence, not the ability to swim, so you can't expect much progress on technique in those years. A few children might pick it up quickly but others take longer to master the ability to stay afloat. Until they get this, they won't be able to swim. My DD1 achieved this at nearly 5 and has progressed through to the next stage about every six months. She is never going to be a champion swimmer but has seemed to improve at roughly the same pace as the other children who go.

There must be some parents of swimming prodigies on MN. I have yet to see a 3 year old swimming lengths up and down our pool with the 10 year olds!

Having said all that, I wouldn't make her go if she's getting in such a state about it.

Well, they do quite a few lengths during the lesson, however they aren't back-to-back. They do a length and then stop at the end where the teacher will speak to them or give instructions, then they will do another length but it might be a different stroke or they might be using those long sausage shaped float things, but there is always a break between lengths. I'm not sure how many lengths she would actually manage if she just kept swimming for as long as she could because they never do that. They always stop at the end of the length to await instructions, or do a half length and get out at the steps and walk back to the beginning. I will have a talk to some other mums at school to find out their thoughts on this as all their kids attend the same pool and some are in even lower classes than my DD. I have a feeling another mum did send her dd for one-to-one lessons locally but I can't find anything about that on tinterweb. And the only other alternative pool nearby is crap by all accounts. Just checked also and DDs school do swimming lessons next year. Maybe a break would be best, if I can persuade her to go swimming with mummy instead so she doesn't get rusty.

Don't worry too much OP. I have three boys - the eldest started at 4 and took 3 years of weekly lessons (3 different pools and teachers) to take his armbands off. He hated it with a passion. After a couple of crash courses he can now swim passably (no style but not drowning either!) and does canoeing and triathlons aged 8, almost 9. Something literally clicked overnight.
Ds2 not a big fan but took 2 years to learn to swim 25m and be confident in the deep end.
Ds3 just swam 25m at his lesson this week like a little fish! Same parents, mostly same teachers, different attitude! He can see his big brothers enjoying swimming and can't wait to join in.
There are plenty of kids 7/8/9 on my older boy's lessons, your dd is maybe at the slower end like my ds1 but they can't be good at everything. I can imagine what mine would say if I told them to swim 600m!!

OP, don't worry too much. Different pools seem to have different kinds of lessons. My two never swam length after length unlike my lessons when I was 8 or 9 many years ago. They worked their way through the different stages but never did more than a few lengths in each lesson.

We knocked them on the head when they were about 11 and finished stage 7 and both boys can swim with no problems. I just wanted them to get to a stage where they could go swimming with their friends and be able to swim, jump in, dive, etc. They can so all is well!

If a child or young person falls into a fast flowing river with strong tides or currents, being able to swim a few lengths in a swimming pool won't save him or her. But it could give a false sense of complacency about safety around water. Check out the RNLI's Respect the Water campaign. www.respectthewater.com

Ds3 is 3yo by the way.

She is having lessons in the deep end and has learned to tread water btw. I had just always envisaged her taking lessons until she got to the level of diving for bricks and the bit where you have your pyjamas on in the pool etc. I wanted her to do as much as I did as a child. I didn't imagine we would have so many issues. Also in the past I have had to nag and nag the teacher to remember to give out swimming badges and certificates, they never do this otherwise, they are useless on that side of things, and I think things like that do motivate children.

Magic, your DD is not behind. My nearly 10 year old can just about do 25m. Not from any lack of trying on my part. We've tried lessons a few times, which invariably involved her screaming and refusing to get in, and often go swimming for fun. She essentially learnt at school.

I would prefer her swimming to be stronger, but I can't actually force her to enjoy it. Parents who say 'swimming lessons aren't optional for my children until they can do x' have not encountered children who refuse to get into the water week after week, despite any amount of cajoling, encouragement or bribery.

I would give the lessons a break for a while, and just to to family swimming

My dd 20 used to be like this when she was little. We spent many a visit to the swimming pool just sat on the edge kicking our feet in the water until she was ready to go in further.
Googles changed her swimming confidence as did a week intense lessons in school holiday so it was a lesson a day.

Do you like swimming OP? If it's not something you'd do for fun yourself then maybe that comes across? Has she ever enjoyed just messing around in the water at the local pool or on holiday? I loved swimming as a child but I never remember enjoying lessons. I just tolerated them as one of the activities we were taken to, much like school really, and I can remember being a bit scared of several of the teachers. But I LOVED going to pool as a family to just play around, I can still remember being excited about it. I must have started lessons about 4 although we went as a family from younger than that. I swam a mile when I was 8, which is 64 lengths of a 25m pool. I just announced I wanted to do it so one weekend when they were doing distance tests I was taken along and I did it. I had no concept of how far it was really, it just sounded like a pleasingly long way! It sounds like that's unusual but at end did term distance swimming sessions it was pretty routine for me to swim 750m and I don't remember that I was going faster than my peers. I still love swimming as an adult.

Despite all that I would say just stop! I don't buy the safety argument particularly, people drown because they panic, not because they can't swim a particular distance. If she doesn't like it she will never use it as a way to get fit. And if she feels she is missing out as an adult she can take herself off to some more lessons. So I would stop completely and not even try and persuade her to go with you. Just wait until a fun opportunity presents itself - a warmer pool, some slides or waves and then go and have some fun if she wants to. And hopefully in the time you save she can find something she does get into.

Don't feel bad about the lack of progress. I don't think progress is the point. We don't all have to like the same things!

I'd look and see if you can see a alternative lesson that she enjoyed more.
My ds is 8 and just did 2000m at club session but he's part fish I think as lots in his class are 25m max.
It's like everything some find it easy some don't it's just finding their thing.
Try and get her enjoying the water again before a instructor picks faults at her. It should be fun not torture or she won't progress.

Your DD isn't doing too badly. I'm in my fifties and never got beyond swimming a length! None of my DCs are good swimmers either and I wasn't bothered as long as they could swim a bit.

If your DD hates the lessons why bother making her upset every week? Unless you live by the sea or a river your DD will be fine.

Don't worry, OP. There is a wide range of capabilities at that age. But it does sound as though the lessons are not fun to do. I'd either let your DD take a break (and swim for fun) or find out if the local swimming club offer lessons. Ours works the kids harder but they make it much more fun for the littler ones (under 10) than swimming lessons.

I think I will ask at the leisure centre tomorrow whether it would be easy/difficult to get my dd re-enrolled at a later stage if she takes a break for a bit as I think there is a lot of demand for lessons and my worry is that if she gives up her place in a class then it may be difficult getting her back in - but maybe I'm over thinking it. I think a break would be good for her, if she would agree to go for a splash about sometimes instead, and maybe with a view to starting lessons again in the future. I will have a chat with dd and dh, hopefully we can figure something out. At the end of the day I want her to enjoy swimming, not see it as a horrible chore to get through each week. And thank you to the posters who have assured me she isn't unusual in being at her current stage - I guess there is a lot of variation in kids abilities out there. Her strengths lie in academic stuff - swimming not so much.

Swimming lessons is one of those cons that thousands of people fall for. We did them for a bit, children mostly hated it, so I stopped taking them. Instead, took them to the pool weekly. One is now a complete fish, copying strokes and techniques from the competent adults they can see in the pool; the other can do 2 lengths and is experimenting with floating, back stroke,jumping in etc. not a lesson in sight, just all of us spending lots of time together in the pool at quiet times (disclaimer: smug home educating bastard whose children are used to learning things with only as much adult guidance as they ask for)

My guess is that if you stop lessons and just concentrate on going swimming for fun your DD will be much happier and will build more confidence in the water.

Is say the problem is the teacher, not the child and would be looking at the swim school she is in TBH.
5 yrs of lessons and can only swim 25m at 8 yrs old is really not great.
She is probably bored and disheartened.
For comparison my DD started at 5 and swam 2 miles at 7yr old. She is now 8 and swims that in a session. She is an exceptionally competent swimmer, but most of her age group are more than capable of completing at least 600m swims with the majority being able to cover a much greater distance and be technically correct.
I would give her a break with a condition of restarting in 6 months somewhere else or look in to 1 to 1 lessons.
Our kids who can swim 25m are not thought of as competent swimmers and would not be allowed to swim without close supervision. Their bodies are simply not strong enough to get out of difficulty if that is the maximum they can manage.