Leaving a newborn

[user1490174595]

Friends of mine had a baby boy in January. He is currently 7 weeks old Since being one week old he has stayed with various family members overnight a minimum of two nights a week. This has not been due to illness, work or caring for other children. This is their first. I recently made a comment that I was shocked how many times the baby had stayed away from home. I have since been abused in an aggressive rant on Facebook and cut off from the friendship group.

Am I the only one to think this?

I'm interested in why you think it has anything at all to do with you?

If the baby is well cared for and parents are happy its no problem at all. Not something I would have done but it's not my baby.

No I'm sure everyone else is thinking the same but observing that something seems a bit odd and making a public comment on your observations are very different things

Was your comment made in a discreet and caring way or in a public judgemental way?

I am guessing the latter

I would feel the same as you OP but I have also had my head bitten off in the past for 'daring' to admit that I found it odd.

I don't really understand it but accept that some women feel differently to me about whether a newborn should be with its mother or not and so I keep my opinions to myself these days

It's ok for you to find it shocking and not at all what you would do. It's not ok for you to say so to them or to their friends. Surely you can see the difference? You've pretty much said that you think they are bad parents. Also, you don't know anything about what's going on for them in private so you really can't judge them for doing something you wouldn't do.

I would find it very strange too. Your mistake was saying it out loud!

If you want to rekindle your friendship I would swallow my pride and apologise.

I can see why you feel that way. However, as this isn't your baby it isn't your choice and it is none of your business. And you might have made them feel very judged about their parenting choice.

All families do it differently. My DD 2 hasn't been away from me for more than 3 nights in her whole life. My parents kicked up a massive fuss at having her too.
I'd love a night off sometimes.
My couisin has a night off every week. She's lucky that her part of the family want to be involved.

I wouldn't choose to be away from my newborn and so wouldn't many others but they have chosen to parent this way. As long as the baby is cared for your job as a friend is to nod and smile.

I wouldn't leave my baby like that, certainly not at that age. However it's not up to me. It's their choice, and while you may not agree with it, it's not really anything to do with you

I had to be away from my newborn because I was hospitalised again after coming home. I became very ill with an infection from poor care at the hospital. I didn't want my baby in with me because I knew I wasn't well enough to care for her and I knew they didn't have enough nursing staff to help me anyway. I left her with my dh and mil. I'm still heartbroken about it now but it was the right thing to do.

If there are no medical issues, I find this extremely odd. As a new mother I couldn't be apart from my baby for the first few months, especially at night.
I'd detach from that kind of person anyway.

It's unusual but not really any of your business! How people chose to parent is up to them.

I don't mean to be rude but is it really any of your business? Is the child happy and healthy? If yes that's all that matters. My child had sleepovers at nan and pops early on in her life because Bub had reflux and screamed a lot and sometimes we just needed a full nights sleep to be the best parents we could be and I don't regret it at all. How do you know this mother has no issues? How do you knows she's not suffering from post partum depression? Even if she's not I don't see how it is any of your business. Unless the newborn is being hurt or mistreated I don't see a problem

That kind of person?! kiwi you sound like a judgemental dick with this comment.

Just because we wouldn't do this doesn't make someone who would a bad person! You'd seriously stop being friends with someone who parents differently to you?!

For all the OP knows the parents could be feeling overwhelmed, suffering depression etc and they need the break in order to parent well the rest of the time.

I had pre-natal depression with my third child and was back at work when they were 4 weeks old, for my sanity. I suppose kiwi would "detach" from me too.

Thanks whatthefreak. Just being honest, she shouldn't feel bad if the person is bad mouthing her, too.
It's not my style of parenting, and from experience, i get on better with people who don't fob newborns off.

Well, bad mouthing her online isn't helping is it?
I'm just working with what the OP gave us, and obviously every situation isn't black and white.

Kiwi 'that kind of person'? We have no idea about the backstory. It's hard work parenting when you know there are loads of judgmental people out there.

Like I said, working with what the OP has said. I know it's not easy. All situations different etc etc.

I leave my ten week old twice a week for medical appointments for the dog. I'd hope no one would judge me

I could have never done this myself, as I believe that your small baby should be with you all (or close to all) the time as they are adjusting to being out of the womb. However, I also believe that unless a child is being abused, how their parents care for them is none of my business. I don't know what's best for their child, just as they don't know what's best for mine.

Also it's important to consider that there could be a reason the baby stays away. A family member had awful pnd, and her little one stayed with his nana a lot as it was what the mum needed. I don't know them too well, but to me it definitely seemed like the best decision at the time.

I should add - that even if I didn't feel it was the best decision, they did and that's what matters.

No decent person would carrick, only judgemental cows, and who cares what they think?! 😊

Hopefully, this has taught you to mind your own business and to keep your opinions to yourself. I agree completely with how you feel, but this matter is none of your concern.

I'd also find this odd, unless I was aware of something like medical or work reasons for the arrangement. It's not something I would consider doing myself with a very young baby if I could avoid it.

But I wouldn't say anything. As pp point out, provided the baby is being safely cared for, it's no-ones business but the parents.