Leaving a newborn

[user1490174595]

Friends of mine had a baby boy in January. He is currently 7 weeks old Since being one week old he has stayed with various family members overnight a minimum of two nights a week. This has not been due to illness, work or caring for other children. This is their first. I recently made a comment that I was shocked how many times the baby had stayed away from home. I have since been abused in an aggressive rant on Facebook and cut off from the friendship group.

Am I the only one to think this?

I'm sure everyone else is thinking the same but observing that something seems a bit odd and making a public comment on your observations are very different things

This exactly, I would be surprised but that set up too but I wouldn't make a public statement about it because I can't see what benefit it would do and is likely to offend people.

It wouldn't bother me that parents have chosen to do this. It is up to them. As long as the baby is safe and cared for by a loving person what business is it of anyone else?

You shouldn't of vocalised your opinion. It isn't anything to do with you. It doesn't affect you in anyway so why do you have the right to judge and comment.

I should of also added you say it's not due to a medical reason but how do you really know that? The mum and dad come to that may be suffering from PND and rightly or wrongly people don't tend to plaster that all over Facebook that they are suffering from it. They may be totally overwhelmed with what looking after a newborn entails and just need that time to regroup and recover and then be better parents to the baby.

You say its not due to illness but do you know if she has postnatal depression?

I've left my 8 week old every day for an hour since birth due to medical appointments. Judge away OP.

KiwiPie you're the type of judgemental person that makes me terrified as I prepare to give birth in a couple of weeks time. What if I'm struggling with PND or sheer exhaustion or whatever and my DM offers to look after my child overnight. I'm already feeling pressure to decline her offer and soldier on for fear of what folk think.

If that baby is loved and well cared for then it's really none of yours or OP's business, especially when that child won't even bloody remember. Happy Mumma - happy baby. Just a bunch of bloody sanctimommies.

Perhaps If you are their friend you could have asked them if there was anything you could do to help rather than judging them behind their back? Like others have said, as long as baby is well cared for and loved it's none of your business how they choose to do things.

You're definitely not alone op, I personally think its horrendous but it does go on

My DD sleeps at her grandmothers once a week and has done from about 6 weeks. I had PND and that guaranteed night of sleep saved my sanity. You know absolutely nothing about this woman's mental state, and you have no right to judge. I'm not spruced you've been cut off.

indigo would you, as the OP has done, tell friends of yours publicly that you thought their parenting choices were horrendous/shocking?

I wouldn't choose to leave my newborn babies overnight, and in fact couldn't have done so due to feeding choices. But if friends chose to and the baby was well looked after by a close relative, what exactly is the problem with that?

I wouldn't have done it but it never would have occurred to me to comment on other peoples arrangements. What does it have to do with anyone else?

My baby stayed with my mum one night a week, three weeks in a row from about weeks as she had horrendous colic and thrush and was quite poorly - she would be awake for 16 hour stretches.

I got a really bad bout of food poisoning and two hours sleep wasn't helpful.

Then I got a chest infection that led to pleurisy.

By the third week I was just about recovered but my husband was pretty useless at that stage and one good nights sleep a week stopped me from getting post natal depression.

Once she started sleeping for longer stretches (once her colic settled down) I no longer needed that breathing space and she's been with me Day and night since.

You have no idea about people's circumstances - physically or mentally.

None of your god damn business!

We left our 2 month old overnight with my DM to go for a night out in Liverpool for our anniversary.

Call social services! We're amazing awful parent

Assasin no I wouldn't say anything to the friend

I left my 4 week old with my DM overnight as she is the only person in the world who I trust with my DD. Probs even more so than DP, I cried after dropping her off for 2 hours but what a wonderful nights sleep I had! Apart from sitting on bloody Mumsnet until gone 1am watching a highly addictive amusing thread!

Maybe the mother is struggling to cope with her new baby? I'd suspect that you're comment probably made her feel awful and I'm not surprised she lashed out at you. You've not helped anything by making a comment and have probably made her feel even worse and more incapable than she already did. What did you want to achieve by making a comment? Or were you just been nosey?

Not everyone handles sleep deprivation well and the mixture of sleep deprivation and a newborn baby can be very dangerous, some people just need a bit more outside help than others.

You have no idea whats going on in that situation, mother could have pnd. Baby could have colic & parents need help. None of your business op

I am struggling to see why where this child stays in any of your business

If new parents want a break from there child and have somewhere to leave it where it will be safe and cared for, what gives you the right to judge?

its not your child, it's not your choice and it's non of your business! So keep your nose out

None of your business. Parents might be struggling. They might just want a break. Or mother might have pnd. Sorry you've been cut off but if you posted that out in their fb wall I can understand why.

It never fails to amaze me the amount of holy than thou perfect people like you that feel you have the right to judge. Even if you do judge becuase you've clearly got nothing better to be doing, why would you ever make a comment on it outloud?

It's not your child, so it has absolutely nothing to do with you

Once dh returned to work my parents picked up dd once a week in the morning and retuned her in the evening she was about 3 weeks the first time, do I regret it NO. did I enjoy sleeping/eating/bathing alone, yes I absouly did. do I care if people like you judge, no if it brightens your day go ahead.

Personally I wouldn't speak up unless it was negatively affecting the child.

Yes it's annoying that someone would have a child only to palm them off however, no amount of moaning will change how they choose to live.

Oh & to be fair.

Someone I knew wouldn't let her daughter out of her sight, no one could visit, she wouldn't let anyone babysit.

It ended in a huge fall out.....what happened??

The mother took the piss, palmed her kids off at every opportunity....then people moaned about that!

I let dh take ds away overnight when he was only a few weeks old, and he was breastfed too. I think he's got over it (he's 16).