Just how much harder is it with two?

[kitkat321]

I continue to swing back and forth between sticking with one child and having another.

My dd is 2 1/2 now - she's amazing but a bundle of energy and attitude and because she's an only child she's used to getting all of the attention and is probably a bit spoiled.

Me and DH work full time, I'm the bread winner with a high paid but demanding job. DH has a good job too butisn't well paid enough that I could drop some working days without taking a big hit on our income.

We've now got a good routine and with both of us on fully salaries we are financially in a good position which I know would change if I had a second.

I keep hearing that 1 is 1 and 2 is 10 - it's not double the work it's much more than that but how much is that influenced by the age gap?

If I fell pregnant today my dd would be 3 by the time I had another - in nursery 3 days a week and with a degree of independance but that might not be the reality.

I'm 36 now and I don't think I'd want to be much older before having another - this is a young man's game! If I'd know how physically and mentally training it was I might have had my first when I was a bit younger!

So be honest - how tough is it? Some days I feel that dd is more than enough when she's acting up, I've had a crap day at work and DH thinks it's acceptable to come home, put her to bed and then ignore the pile of washing/ironing and put his feet up and watch TV.

I know this is odd, but in some ways two felt easier then one. When I had my second, something in me "settled" and my family felt complete, and everything feel into place.

So hard. Mine are three years apart. The first 6 months were tough. Better now that we are heading out towards toddlerhood with the second. They love each other so much that it is totally worth it. I think for me a bit of a bigger gap would have been better. I would have liked number 2 to arrive just as number 1 started school. Having 2 at home with differing needs is hard.

I have a 6 year gap so my DS is pretty independent in a lot of ways. DD is 7 months. It's always hard work with a new baby but I've found 2nd baby a lot easier than 1st, even though she's a more challenging baby. I guess I'm just older, wiser, know what I'm doing and feel more relaxed. Also they adore each other which is so special to see.

I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and my DS will be 3.5 years old when new baby arrives.

Even before getting pregnant I was panicked at the thought of two and now that I am pregnant I'm in some kind of denial.....I just don't let me think about how much hard work it may be.

It was really important to me that DS had a sibling and so I stay focused on that - I think reminding myself of the bigger picture helps

I also tell myself that millions and millions of people all over the world have more than one child and survive so there's no reason why I can't - its not like I'm planning on doing something mind blowing or ground breaking

When me and DH agrees to TTC my DH said that if I hadn't conceived by the time he was 35 then we stop as that was his cut-off point in terms of age and I think for me that age would probably be my limit too. Thankfully I fell pregnant 6 months before he turned 35 although it took us 12 months to achieve this pregnancy, including one early miscarriage in that time period too.

So yes, I do worry that life may be hard again for a few years but I'm confident it will be worth it in the end

Writerwannababe83
Hi, My 2 children have a 3 year age gap DD1 is 6 DD2 is 3 years old. The first 5/6 month's are probably the hardest a 3yr old and a baby, even going out juggling a baby in a buggy and a 3yr old who wants to run but you soon adapt. Believe me it's all worth it the love you get back and they will bond with each other and play together, even DH can help lol. I hope this will help you