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Parenting

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Original poster

going from one to two soon. let me know the worst!!

49 replies

sunglasses · 05/03/2007 18:28

2nd child due in May , 1st child 2 in July. Please prepare me for the nightmare that awaits me trying to cope with a newborn and a toddler! Or alternatively tell me it will all be fine!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 18:29

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VioletBaudelaire · 05/03/2007 18:30

It's easier with two - don't worry!

TrinityRhino · 05/03/2007 18:31

It will be fine..........after about a year or two

sorry that was mean, I'm currently coping with a toddler of 22 months and a nearly 4 week old baby girl. The toddler is HARD work and the baby never lets me sleep.
I also have a 6 yr old, she is kinda helpful but also kinda stroppy and she has eating ishooooos which are stressful

How is you todler at the mo, going through the independent, stroppy phase??? cause that does make it hard.

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quadrophenia · 05/03/2007 18:31

I had three under 15 months, it is hard work but having kids close together is lovely too, the key is to be organised I think and to try and get a break in the afternoon (put them both down for a nap). Good luck, sometimes it will feel wonderful and other times it will feel crap but lifs like that anyway!

pooka · 05/03/2007 18:37

It will be really hard. While you might be more physically adept with a newborn, having experience, the main thing I found difficult was the guilt.

I felt really bad for dd, my PFB, when ds was born. At the same time, felt desperately sorry for ds, never getting the same amount of attention. Spent a lot of time sobbing and alternatively bigging up dd and ds.

But then I tend to be a blubbering wreck after birth, so you may be guilt/tear free.

They are now 3.5 and 18months and it is much easier.

It did help that while dd was an appalling sleeper for the first year, ds was much better (probably because he was left to his own devices much of the time?).

Also, nothing can prepare you for how different babies are - dd fed like a dream, ds less so. DD very smiley and coy, ds a lunatic whirlwind toddler.

FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 18:37

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FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 18:37

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FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 18:37

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pooka · 05/03/2007 18:38

Oh - agree that once you get them both sleeping in the afternoon, life becomes more rosy. DS was in a better pattern of sleeping and eating than dd, because I made a conscious effort to get them both in bed in the afternoon and at night at the same time.

TrinityRhino · 05/03/2007 18:39

really cod, I thought from your posts you found it the most luvvverly time lol

I'm finding the changefrom 2 to 3 the worst at the mo

FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 18:39

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pooka · 05/03/2007 18:39

Crikey yes Cod. Lot of daggers looks here - internal rage about the unjustness of life as dh swanned off out to work. Lots of "but what about meeeeeeeee?"
Generally very pissed off for the first 6 months.

quadrophenia · 05/03/2007 18:40

hah see having twins is good I never did one to two, just two to three which really qwasn't that bad

pooka · 05/03/2007 18:41

OUt of interest Cod, what is the age gap between your ds2 and ds3? Just wondering because I would like a third, but would like it to be a piece of piss rather than living hell.

danceswithnewboots · 05/03/2007 18:43

It's good now (on the good days!) - mine are 19 months apart. Here would be my advice. Either get your older one into nursery for even just one morning a week (or to a childminder or kind grandparent) and if at all humanly possible get dh to take copious amounts of time off the first 12 weeks. I used to ring dh every night crying and pleading with him to get the early train home. DS was a nightmare baby though. My friend came to visit a few weeks ago with her 10 week old and she was an absolute dream basically slept and giggled and that was about it...lovely. It is tough though, don't underestimate it, so if you reach 8 weeks and you are a gibbering wreck, that's normal

MorocconOil · 05/03/2007 19:01

I had the same age gap as you. It was really, really hard. Your DC 1 is still really a baby. S/he will look huge in comparison to the newborn but is still a baby so try not to expect too much of him/her. I used to try and get out of the house every day, because it was difficult being stuck inside. It was also very tiring going out, having to keep a close eye on an active toddler whilst bf. I have memories of crying in the street, whilst sitting on a wall somewhere with a howling baby and an absconding toddler. But I also have really lovely memories of making indoor dens with them and playing happily for hours.
July is a good time to have the baby as you will be able to spend time outside. That will make it easier.
It is great when they get older as they always have someone to play with.

TuttiFrutti · 05/03/2007 19:02

I've got a 3 week old baby and a 22 mth old ds, and it is bloody hard work. The toddler is mostly harder work than the baby as he demands constant undivided attention, but at least he sleeps well at night whereas baby is a joy in the daytime and a colicky screaming nightmare at night.

I agree about getting childcare - get as much as you can afford, it will keep you sane. And make sure you do something for yourself every day, even if it's just having a bath.

Califrau · 05/03/2007 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffyMummy123 · 05/03/2007 19:06

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funnypeculiar · 05/03/2007 19:12

ok, just to be a voice of difference ... it ain't that bad
DS was just over 2 when dd was born & it was easier than I expected (admittedly, my expectations were looooowwww). DS went through an odd, very atypical angel stage for 6 weeks or so (did what he was told. Without question. First time of asking); dd was so much easier because
a) I knew she woud stop crying at SOME point
b) I knew what help I wanted and asked for it
c) she's much sunnier child than ds ever was
d) I did what she/I wanted rather than what I should do

And I was so much more conscious that it was a stage/things would change - I really really enjoyed dd's babyhood & loved watching ds be amused by her ...

I'm not saying there were n't hideous moments, but the whole was good.

I should also say dh is a bit of a star & worked on the policy that he did as much as he physically could, day & night. Think it was probably harder on him than it was on me

Original poster

sunglasses · 05/03/2007 19:25

Wow! Lots to think about. My dd is already in Nursery 3 days a week and I do plan to keep her there at least two short days at first so it sounds like thats a good idea from all your comments. She is going through a bit of a whingey stage now but on the whole she is pretty good. She is quite a good talker already and can understand a lot so I am hoping that may make life easier. She sleeps pretty well also so cross fingers that doesnt dramatically change. She does like a lot of attention though so that is worrying me a bit as i will be mostly on my own all day Monday to Friday. Love the comment about the Zoo!! I laughed nervously at that!!!

OP posts:

pooka · 05/03/2007 20:08

Interestingly dd was ot remotely jealous of ds, apart from with my mother - so if dm held ds, she'd try and get between them, but she never did that with me.

It also coincided with her suddenly having a massive burst of language - she was talking before, but it's almost as if in reaction to ds she went "ta da" and suddenly became a complete chatterbox, all singing and dancing!

malaleche · 05/03/2007 20:16

So basically sunglasses it'll be a nightmare and it'll be fine....

twoisenoughmum · 05/03/2007 20:36

I got very weepy about 'losing' my first baby. She suddenly became the big grown up one and I felt sad about that. I didn't change her nappy for a couple of weeks after DS was born (DH did it, just in case you were wondering!) and when I did have to after he went back to work, I just thought her poor little bum looked so huge. It made me feel that the most remarkable phase in my life was over - life with one baby - and now here I was in a complete muddle and unable to imagine I would ever be able to cope. I'm afraid I did not find it a breeze. Although I loved DS immensely right from the start (because I could see the potential in him IYSWIM) and I had learned how to love babies and children through my precious girl.

Whatever happens, please do not think you should be finding it all a breeze because everyone says its easier second time around. Some things certainly might be easier, but first time around you didn't have a toddler (with all that that entails) to look after, did you?

Good luck.

chocolatekimmy · 05/03/2007 20:38

I disagree with anyone who says its easier with two (certainly in a physical sense)!

Think about it, you have your 2 year old who has his demands for food, attention etc and then comes along a new baby who needs you 100% practically. You now have 2 children to deal with, one of which may not sleep much at night, the other who will probably get a bit jealous. There is more washing and things to do, its harder going out with loading things up, getting them in the car/pushchairs etc. And then your first needs potty training. All of this whilst you may be breastfeeding and certainly tired

On a positive note, it is easier psycologically without a doubt I find. You only have that life changing overwhelming feeling the first time round where you have such a sense of duty now that you are a parent as well as going completely into the unknown. That feeling just doesn't really happen after the first. You will probably be more relaxed and confident anyway.

Still, I have three and I managed to breast feed all of them, even my latest when my second had just turned two. It is hard but you probably don't expect anything different. You know it will be tiring but how fantastic it will be having another child - good luck

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