Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

should i do this back to her what she did to me?

34 replies

shoebedo434 · 16/03/2017 19:33

would like to get some opinions on whether AIBU on this?
3 weeks ago, it was my son's 5th birthday, we had a party with entertainer, candy floss, disco etc. I invited 25 children (24 came) and everyone had a great time.
I invited a sort of friend that is more a friends friend but we meet up as a threesome for playdates with the kids. she was late (as she always is). I had asked for presents to be put under the table for later. anyway near the end of the party she came up to me and said she had got my son a birthday card but hadn't had a chance to get a present but would get one and drop it off at my house in the week.
anyway here we are 3 weeks later and no present. i'm not really bothered about the gift as he got lots of presents but it's more the principle of it. who turns up at a childs party with no gift? she did a similar thing at Christmas too. I haven't bothered mentioning to her.
anyway now we have received an invite to her sons party in May and part of me wants to do the same thing to her that she did to me. just take a card and say will drop the present off later but I feel that is abit mean but I begrudge buying a present. thoughts please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 16/03/2017 19:36

If you can afford it I would give a present.

She is probably struggling for money and embarrassed but wanted to show face at the party.

I would knock the christmas presents on the head though, it's expensive enough at that time of year without having extra kids to pay out for

aintnobodygottimefodat · 16/03/2017 19:36

YABU. A gift is not mandatory surely?

RandomMess · 16/03/2017 19:36

Seriously!!!!

Perhaps she can't afford gifts. Presence far more important than presents IMHO.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Families General parenting

EweAreHere · 16/03/2017 19:37

Does your 5 year old really need another present to add to the presumably 24 other presents he got from the other children?

Maybe she's financially hurting, and you don't realize it. Was a gift really the price of admission? Or was your son just happy to have his friend there to celebrate?

I think of weddings, where the point is really supposed to be about getting a gift ... it's about celebrating a life event with your friends. Are birthday parties not supposed to be the same things?

Original poster

shoebedo434 · 16/03/2017 19:39

I don't care about the present, as I said it was the principle
and secondly yes she can afford it, I know she can

OP posts:

littleblackno · 16/03/2017 19:40

If she hadn't mentioned it would you have noticed? Seriously I think you are being a bit petty.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 16/03/2017 19:40

You could lower yourself to her level...

Avioleta · 16/03/2017 19:42

YAB massively U.

You invite kids to parties because your DS wants to celebrate with them not because you'll get a present out of it.

Perhaps she genuinely forgot. Perhaps she is struggling financially.

Did your DS really need another present? I'm guessing not since he got 20+ others!

I would never want any of my party guests to feel obliged to bring a present they couldn't afford. And only a twat would take 'revenge' on a small child because their mum didn't get your DS a present for whatever reason.

DextersMistress · 16/03/2017 19:42

Just don't go to the party and don't meet up with her again.

Btw, I hope you haven't mentioned anything of this in front of your ds, he'll grow up to be a spoilt entitled brat like his mother.

Lugeeta · 16/03/2017 19:43

I would rise above it. It not about you and her. Get her child a present if you can afford it.

littleblackno · 16/03/2017 19:43

I don't think anyone can ever really know if someone else can afford something. Most people would think I could afford something like this. You can't judge what her priority is to spend money on.

AllllGooone · 16/03/2017 19:44

I wouldn't worry about her not bringing a present, and don't take one to her dd's party if you don't want to. It's not that serious.

MistressMolecules · 16/03/2017 19:45

You sound proper grabby and entitled! I'm glad you're not my "friend".

There could be any number of reasons why she didn't bring a present.

fizzingwhizbee · 16/03/2017 19:46

I honestly would not give a shit if someone didn't buy my son a birthday present. Even if they'd said they would.

Jesus. My house is already filled to the brim with his plastic tat, I don't need anymore!!

Buy her child something noisy and obnoxious for their birthday. That way you're not taking your (I think unreasonable) anger out on a child and you get to fill someone else's house with plastic tat.

Win win!!

piginboots · 16/03/2017 19:47

You are weird.

piginboots · 16/03/2017 19:48

(and unreasonable)

Hercules12 · 16/03/2017 19:49

I don't suppose she's givenot it a second thought nor should you. This is nothing, really it isn't.

Hoppinggreen · 16/03/2017 19:50

Well it depends if you invited her child purely to get a gift

GlitterGlue · 16/03/2017 19:51

You need to let it go.

Original poster

shoebedo434 · 16/03/2017 19:52

thank you for your comments. obviously I am being unreasonable and should just let it go and have a nice time at the party
and to the people who made nasty comments, I thought this was supposed to be a friendly forum. I don't think I will post again

OP posts:

triskele · 16/03/2017 19:57

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed. Maybe doing the same back is petty though.

It's the fact that she went to the trouble of saying she'd get a present then didn't bother - if she's struggling for money she should just give the card and not make false promises! I'd be annoyed too just because she's made it awkward.

gamerchick · 16/03/2017 19:58

Let it go OP it's not important and don't punish a bairn to get revenge.

oleoleoleole · 16/03/2017 20:14

I actually wouldn't get a present. Reply to the invite with a yes but say that you think it's the way forward not to exchange presents as it gets a bit expensive and ridiculous and the DC get too much!

piginboots · 16/03/2017 21:10

Sorry op, i do think your reaction is slightly odd but really didn't mean to upset you or make you feel unwelcome.

Shootingstar2289 · 16/03/2017 21:45

This is a difficult one. I would be annoyed too but I'd still take a present as I would feel heartless going without one. Maybe she forgot?

I have a good friend. When her daughter was born I bought her a card and a few lovely gifts for her newborn. Anyway, 6 months later my daughter was born and I didn't even get a card. I'm not petty but I spent a small fortune on those gifts! I would of been happy with a card! I also bought her little one a present for her birthday but nothing back. Now, it's not that my children 'need' anything. But if someone bought my child a gift, I'd certainly buy one back. I love buying presents for people.

Perhaps make a mutual agreement with her not to exchange gifts. I had a similar experience ago christmas time. My cousin/godmother has three children and I have two (much younger than hers too). We'd exchange presents every year for the sake of it. They don't live locally and I had no idea what to buy her children who are heading towards their teens. So we made an agreement not to change gifts. It just seemed a bit daft!

Flip

1 2