A question for German mums on MN

[admylin]

I'm British living in Germany and sometimes Mumsnet is like my life line back home when I'm homesick, even if I just read a few hreads a day. I need some info about Grundschule and other things specific to Germany but up to now have only found quite aggressive, not very friendly sounding german forums (eltern.de for example) that I haven't dared to join. Can any of you suggest a nice, helpfull forum abit like MN for me in Germany? Could be my german isn't perfect enough and I mistake the style for unfriendly when infact it isn't.

Hi SSShake - sun's shining here too and I've every single window and door open to air the house
Yes, one of his friends is going too, which is good. I had a long talk with the head and I've heard positive stuff from other parents with children at the school but it hasn't got a good reputation amongst the snotties (we have lots) here. They in turn pass that on to their children so it's no wonder ds1 was put off, he's only heard bad things. Am confident it'll work out well. Nice to be upbeat about it at last Daggers still drawn with the primary head but I'm not ruining my sunny morning by thinking of her.

Thanks Gracelo ,the more the better! I always need to confirm - am I mad in thinking something or is it the done thing over here and on forums like that I can often read that I got it wrong (or sometimes right) again!

admylin, I'm away from Germany for so long now (via NZ, then Oregon to Scotland) that I am not really up to date with what's going on in German schools either and I'm often rather baffled when I read postings on RUB about schools, childcare etc...So, I totally understand how you must feel.
Germans come across as more frank and rude but I think that is often a cultural misunderstanding.
I have listend to many German friends who visited me over the years talk in English and often thought "ooops, you can't say that in English" while being aware that in German that would be acceptable.

finknottle and SSShake, about having sensitive children. I'm sometimes bordering on the decision to go and ask for some sort of help with dd, maybe at the doctors or school but then I always say no rather not. She is sometimes SO sad and it's hard to find out exactly why. Ds is sensitive too but he seems alot more confident in himself than dd and he can "defend" himself better and isn't easily influenced.
I think some sort of yoga or relaxation techniques would be good but they would have to be aimed at helping her in her specific situation. Do you know what I mean?

Admylin, mailed you.
I found some German MN-ish sites but tbh I know it'd do my head in trying to formulate the German - I'd end up rephrasing stuff to avoid a grammatical construction I'm not sure of and then delete everything. Difficult enough to hit the right tone in English. Plus MN is a bit of home and vastly superior
House now freezing cold with all the windows open and am off to clear up for ds2's sleepover tonight.

Gracelo, I know exactly what you mean! When we got our first "official" letters here in Germany we were shocked at how unfriendly they sounded! Always remember writing a letter to some official place and asking a colleague to correct it for us. He changed it so much and we said we can't send that it sounds rude but he was right, our letter was too "nice"! Worst thing for me is that I've got sensitive kids and it gets to them when they hear how some people speak to them or us even though they aren't really being unfriendly or nasty as dd puts it.

finknottle, my house is also freezing, just the patch of sun on the floor is lovely and warm!
Yes, agree. I couldn't write much on a german forum but I like to read them if it's a subject I'm unsure about or behavior that I just don't get! MN is certainly unbeatable. Go and check my mail now.

Quickly about your dd as I understand the wrench. Ds2 is sooo sensitive too and I'm trying the following:
-time for just the two of us w/o ds1 and dd and doing silly fun things or cuddling with a book on the sofa
-trying to give him the words to express the emotions but that's tricky as don't want to put words in his mouth. Things like, "Sometimes I feel... and it's makes me feel ... when ..."
-Lightening up myself and being more cheerful/less stressed and not cross about stuff. Saying positive things rather than harping on the negative. He takes it so much to heart even when I'm cross with the other two. It's like his emotional barometer is also so sensitive. Always was, mind.

• Give him space/time away from ds1 so he can read or play by himself. They get on wonderfully but ds2 is rather in ds1's shadow and ds1, though he can be considerate, does dominate his little brother, only natural to a certain extent.

Yoga or an activity she enjoys would be good - does she do sport or music?
Am really off now

Admylin, you're in Berlin, arn't you? If it is any consolation to you: even we Frankonians (Frankonia is the northern bit of Bavaria) think that Berliners are rude. They (and the rest of the Republic) on the other hand think, we are all unsophisticated, conservative country bumpkins

My daughter is only 2.5 and she's got a mix of German rude genes and Kiwi can't-be-fazed-by-anything genes, but I will never ever let her go off on a weeklong school trip when she is 7 or 8 years old.

I'll be on this thread with some translation questions I bet! Starting to try and find a good ways to say things that keep coming into my head for my meeting on tuesday with the teacher. I've got to try and get positive but I've got a feeling it'll be hard to make him understand that I don't have the same ideals about Erziehung as the other mums seem to.

Hi Admylin
Think the meeting will go fine. He sounds like a very good teacher and I liked his mail. You needn't convince him of anything.

Do you know what I was thinking the other day? Perhaps if dd has the confidence to try this trip, she will come out of it with a new best friend. You said her special friend had gone back to the Ukraine and perhaps this way she'd get close to someone else?

Hi SSShake, I also think the meeting will be a good opertunity to explain to the teacher about how sensitive dd is and also get some info about how she is doing in the class.
I am nearly sure I am not sending her. Yesterday I spoke to a friend from south Germany who works in schools and also has a dd of her own (my dd's best friend but 1 year older) and she is the type of mum who has no trouble letting her dd go out alone and walked even to kindergarten alone! Anyway, even she said 5 days is far too long for 2nd grade and she also didn't see the point in going on the last week of school before they all break up and go on holiday anyway. After the summer holiday when the new school year starts the dc will have done so many other things in the 6 week holiday that the trip will be in the background.
Wanted to explain to the teacher too that when dd is under stress or anxious about something but also when excited about something she gets her skin rash which itches and that it's all part of her being very sensitive and that she is not the victim of an overly protective mother! If you feel inspired you could help me put that in german. when I tried it didn't sound right. Anxious translates as aengstlich but I don't find that puts across what anxious really is.

wenn sie sich unter Druck gesetzt fühlt und sich Sorgen macht (?)

My dd has those skin rashes too. They were awful in her old kindergarten but then it was run by a crowd of women who'd have been just right in the gestapo. Thank goodness I got her out of there in the end.

Send me any thoughts if you like. I'm a bit busy today, have to go out in a minute and then dd has music school this afternoon. If I can, I'll log in when she's in bed and see if I can help with anything.

Have my whacky uncle over from the Isle of Man here today. Dunno what to do with him really but at least the weather is nice. We were up the Teufelsberg briefly yesterday. Cold but sunny.

why is it amazing that 8 year odls walk to school?

why is it amazing that 8 year odls walk to school?

Here in Germany it isn't really amazing for 8 year olds to walk to school alone but alot of 5 year olds walk to Kindergarden alone too.

Admylin,

I would use the word "sensibel" not "aegstlich". I know this sounds strange to native English speakers but this is -in my opinion- the best phrase to describe your dd in German

agree with gracolo, sensibel is the word to use.

Perhspa I should really put it here: Admylin, have to dash, just wanted to say, have a lovely tutor for German if you do want one. Know her from tennis. She is SO nice with dc, you wouldn't believe it. She's studying German and English and wants to train to teach German as a foreign language when she's finished her degree. She hopes to work overseas at a Goethe Institut one day. Her English is very good too.

Thanks, does sound better sensibel rather than aengstlich. I'm going to the meeting armed with my big German/English Dictionary too so I hope he has atleast half an hour for me!
Thanks SSShake, I've got a tutor lined up - she just got a job here in Berlin and is moving up here soon so will be great to get her to explain some grammar to ds.She had to learn German as a second language as a child too and has just finished university.

"sensibel" is how I describe my wee sensitive ds2 as well.
Am determined to get stuff done in the garden today but will be popping in and out so I'll check back if you have any more questions.

Hi Finknottle, isn't it a gorgeous day, I'v ebeen for a long bike ride through the park and along the river. We have a garden but nothing to do except watch our bulbs growing! There is a massive building site nextdoor, the house shakes some days and I'm sure it's scared my bulbs into staying underground!
Think I've got all I need for tomorrow, let you know how it went afterwards.

good luck today Admylin. Let us know how you get on. Your tutor sounds good. You can always give it a try and see. The one I mentioned is of Turkish descent. She is so nice with dd, very soft and gentle. Nice girl altogether. I think if dd needs some help with writing German later and we're still around, I'll employ her to tutor dd a bit.

Hi, that's funny, our tutor is also of turkish decent with abit of bulgarian mixed in!
I have my meeting at 11:30 so will be pleased when it is over! Going to be really warm today so dd has already said we're going to the park later and getting ice cream and doing homework outside! See how much of that she really insists upon. hard to find a park that isn't covered in dog poo.

The way I feel today it would have to be a park empty of people too! Still we should make the most of it, think tomorrow is supposed to be cold again. How are you feeling about the meeting now?