A question for German mums on MN

[admylin]

I'm British living in Germany and sometimes Mumsnet is like my life line back home when I'm homesick, even if I just read a few hreads a day. I need some info about Grundschule and other things specific to Germany but up to now have only found quite aggressive, not very friendly sounding german forums (eltern.de for example) that I haven't dared to join. Can any of you suggest a nice, helpfull forum abit like MN for me in Germany? Could be my german isn't perfect enough and I mistake the style for unfriendly when infact it isn't.

We're also British living in Germany, down near Dussledorf, and I agree the German style sometimes takes a bit of getting used to.

So where do you go if you have questions about the german school system or other things? I was reading one thread on a german forum about a girl in the 2nd year who was having trouble walking home from school and the mum had been worried about it and she got really slagged off about not letting her 7 year old have freedom and being a stupid mum for walking with her dd. Imagine on here that would never happen (I'm sure not).

It's hard to say cos we're in the army so we have the information centres on camp. I could try there for you if there's something specific you want to know?

Do army kids go to local schools?
No nothing specific really, or some days absoloutly everything! We're at inner city Berlin school and the parents I know are all foreign and just shrug when I have questions about the usual sort of thing you would talk to other parents about. Also needing a new school bag for ds and they have those traditional masive box like ones for the first few years but was wondering which kind was best for year 4, just little things like that! An equivelant to MN would be so handy.

We're pretty much in little England on camp but we venture out occasionally. I agree that German MN would be v handy though!
I thought it was strange you never see really pregnant German women and I had no idea about bf in public when we moved here!

OMG, this really sounds as if all Germans are very strange.... WE ARE NOT (well, not ALL of us....) . I have no idea where to find something like MN in German (that's why I dote on the real thing), but maybe you could just, well try it here, since here are so many German mums or at least UK mums living in Germany? If I can help, of course I will, so fire away.
I don't know if I personally know that much about primary school (dd is 19 mo), but one of our best friends is primary school teacher so I am sure I could find out.
By the way, I did spend a lot of time outside with a HUGE bump and I also read this ominous thread (thought it was on MN, though) or a similar one about the way to school. It got me to wondering about what we would do since I am somewhere between wanting her to have self-confidence and my Mom's heart not wanting to risk any harm to her iykwim. Decided to let the matter rest for the moment . Sorry this is kind of long, hope it makes sense . Let me know if I can help you!

Hi there, there is a site similar to mumsnet in Germany (it's in German). Don't know if I'm allowed to post it here, but I hope I don't get banned if I let you know that if you type babyzimmer + austausch in google it's the first result you get. It's in German and aimed at mums living in Germany so I guess it's not really in competition with this site, I hope. Despite the name you'll find lots of mums with primary school children on there as well and lots of different views on bf and children going to school (un-)accompanied etc.

Thanks alot and I will come back to you when we have homework questions too! I want to find out if it's the norm to go on a week away with the class in year 2 (dd is 7 some of the kids are 8 already). The teacher wants to go, but all the foreign parents find it isn't a good idea but the few german parents (they are in a minority in their own city!) find it a great idea.

linjasmom, oh sorry, I didn't want it to sound like you are all strange. I find life in Germany very hard because I would rather be back in the UK and the language is so dificult but the few (sadly it is onyl a few) germans that I know are really nice especially we have friends from the east part of Germany. It is easier to make friends with foreigners or that is our experience, here in berlin the only real german mum I know is really nice and friendly and even walks her ds to school!!

Btw yes, the Germans sound more unfriendly, I think you'll find that in most German forums. But I think most just openly say what they think without holding back and often it comes across a bit harsh, particularly on the internet, when they think they're "invisible". Don't let that put you off.

On the other hand, I found myself thinking that in English forums people are often nice but on the other hand don't always say what they really think (I didn't find that this applies for mn where I think I can still get an insight what people really think whilst the majority still remains polite and rather friendly).

Eg. there was once talk about the dangers of babywalkers in German forums and 99% of posters were completely, absolutely for an official ban and applauded the fact that they were actually banned in Canada (! not Germany btw) and everyone felt very strongly.
I posted the same thing in an English forum (not mn though) and 99% of people said that they should be the responsibility of parents, it hadn't done their children any harm, or even if they were anti-babywalkers they didn't really seem to care much about it and said politely parents should decide for themselves.

You could try this experiment again with other controversial subjects such as bf, co-sleeping, immunisations etc. It's really interesting...

admylin, even though I am German myself I marvel sometimes at the things some German parents find normal. Like the walking to school thing!
There is one forum which I think is quite nice and friendly and where you might find help, and they have a specific sub-forum for all questions school-related, called "Lernwelten".

look here

The spirit is all a bit alternative, attachment parenting-y, but that's not a bad thing necessarily is it?

I find people generally very friendly on there.

HTH (Btw if you've heard the term "Rabeneltern" before and think it's a negative thing, click on the link top left to go to the main website, there they explain the name!)

Thanks, Rabeneltern seems like a nice forum and web site, never heard ofit so I might have been looking at the wrong ones but I never knew what to google or where else to look!
I know I once read a forum of germans in London or something like that and some of them were all very critical of alot of the british way of bringing kids up and how things work like schooling etc but the majority of them seemed to like livingin the UK so it was funny to compare with a forum of brits in germany who spend alot of time complaining and moaning about Germany and don't seem to like a single thing about it. I've tried to find a middle line and although I'm homesick for UK I try to see the positive sides about living here and try to seem integrated even if at heart I'm not!(healthcare is top for one).

I've been off sick for a bit Admylin. You're sounding a bit down. Don't do the school trip if you're really unhappy about it. There will be plenty more later I'm sure. You could just do a couple of nice things with dd whilst the class is away. Have some special time. Will the school be offering regular classes for the dc who don't go on the trip.

You do sound down in the dumps

Re being negative, I've just posted on a thread from someone moving to Munich (Living Overseas) and mentioned that I keep meaning to do a "What's positive" thread. Have been rather poleaxed by all our school difficulties lately and other things but am usually a most cheerful and positive person

Ask me any questions you like, I know what you mean about needing a sounding board sometimes and I talk about these school things with German mums and expats and hear a range of opinions.

Those satchels are loony imo and hideous as well as heavy and ludicrously expensive. Never understood why they don't have simple leather ones like in Heidi! They usually keep them till Y4 and then switch to rucksacks when they start secondary school.

I think Y2 is too young for a week's trip away, ds1 had his 1st trip (4 days) in Nov, i.e. at the start of Y4 and most were 9 going on 10. It was the 1st big away from home trip for them all and a really big deal for the parents too. Maybe Berliner are different!

I too try for a way between sticking to what I think is right and enjoying the advantages of what is different, like the walking to school. I'm sure I'd feel differently about it if we lived in a larger town, but in a small village I think it's good for the boys to be sent to buy their own Schulheft from the shop because they forgot to tell me they needed a new one. They enjoy it, too. Ds1 gets all sensible and asks, "Do you need anything Mum?" I send ds1 (10) alone but not ds2 (7) and when ds1 was 8 and went to music alone - it's in the school building - I used to give him my old mobile to call me when he got there. But I know they'll see other children out and the women in the shops know them by sight and often by name.

The girl having problems on the way home, btw, I can't believe the attitude about "freedom". We've had constant trouble over the last year with ds2 and his Laufpartner having trouble with others and all the parents got involved at some point to sort it out (not necessarily to everyone's satisfaction) No one (even the annoying ones) would suggest walking alone to be important or valuable, they all want their children to be with someone, it is basic safety, even here.

Sorry if I came across as only negative about being here. These last 4 months have been rough but things do have a habit of evening out.

Hi again, I heard the flu had got to Berlin, did you all have it SSShakethechi? My sympathy. Touch wood, we're OK.
Finknottle, I am really worried about this school trip and not very happy about the way the teacher has been pushing it at school so all the kids feel they want and have to go. Now of course the parents who aren't happy about it feel like real mean parents not letting them go. One boy who's mum doesn't want him to go said "please mum, I'll even give you all my pocket money ", poor lad, now she feels mean and abit forced to send him. The class teacher has so to speak, gone behind our backs or that's how we feel. It's so awful to have to decide now and not nearer the time but of course they have to book the villa.

About going out alone, that story about that little boy (well, 10 year old) is so shocking and again the man had already done time earlier. In a smaller town or village I would be fine about ds going to school with friends maybe next year but in Berlin Mitte, no way.

Is it not worth getting some of the parents against the trip together and having a collective word with the teacher? Or a letter to the head? You shouldn't have to send your child but it's so awkward if yours does want to go and telling a 7 year-old there'll be other opportunities isn't much consolation.

What about the practicalities: how much supervision will there be, where is it, why must there be a trip etc., how old are other children in the area when they go on trips etc. The Germans do seem more laid back about these things but still, Y2 is awfully young.

The flu hit here hard too, half of the school was off. I had it 2 weeks ago and tbh I'm not really fit again - still can't face drinking coffee

The Germans are very laid back about sending their dc off on these sort of things. Majority seem to be going on the trip from what I've heard and most have already been away for a few days atleast with Kindergarten. Trouble is my dd has never been away and I don't think she really knows what it means from the length of time - I mean a night or 2 OK but a whole week is a long time.
I don't really want to sign 'till we've atleast had the parents info evening which he promised us and should have held before he told all the kids about it. Not very pleased with his way of doing things. We'll get through it somehow though won't we, reassure me!!

They go away in kindergarten?
Reassure yourself by asking all your questions at the meeting cos if you're like me you'll kick yourself later if you don't. Yes, you will get through it but it's v odd. Like I said, ds1 was 9 and he and I were tearful when he left (both doing our best to hide it) and though I was sternly telling myself to calm down and he'd be fine and have a great time, I admit I didn't really breathe easily till he came home. Parenting!
Will they let the dc call home? Our school said no as it made dc homesick who'd been fine before the call.
I gave ds a serious talking to beforehand about how if he was old enough to go away he was old enough to know (and act on it) that daft stunts can be dangerous etc. just enough to scare him into timidity
If he'd had a mobile I'd have had him text me secretly - now wondering why I didn't think of giving him one Then at least he could have had a goodnight message and I'd have known he hadn't lost a leg
When he came back it was clear he'd had a great time with only an occasional pang whereas I was a jumpy wreck who'd been clinging to the gin bottle for days

My stomach is churning now and the trip is in July! I'm still not sure what to do but am going to sit now and try to write some points down in german to tell the teacher. I'm quite mad at the way they are treating the ones who don't want to go.
Don't suppose you can translate scare tactics for me?!
I think the trip could make or break my dd, she is very sensitive and I wish I hadn't put her in school a year early but she was bored to tears in kindergarten.
Also need to say things like that to the teacher but I just can't find the words in german and it all comes across wrong I'm sure. Moan, sigh ..off I go to translate.

If you need help translating, no problem! Good luck with your decision, sounds all rather strange and different from what I know. Where do you live in Germany?

Hi, I'm im Berlin wishing I was back in the UK! I think th e4th year is soon enough to be starting with school trips and certainly not for 5 days! Talk about being thrown in at the deep end! I've got my letter ready and it will be full of mistakes but I hope he gets my point.
Does this sound too much?
"Ich muss die Konsequenzen aus der Angstmacherei tragen in dem ich ein Kind mit Bauchschmerzen in der Schule bringe."

That would be at the end of my letter after telling teacher about what I think of the blackmailing scare tactics that have been going on.
Dd gone to bed with stomach ache and starting with her worry headache.

Surely your teacher speaks English, Lin? Can't you just write it in (simple) English? Or how about calling the teacher at home? Is he approachable? Leave a message with the secretary (write a little note) asking him to call you about the trip?

What are these scare tactics you mentioned?

What happens to the dc who stay in Berlin? Do they attend school or what?

Look, if our school offers a week away next year, dd is not going. I'm pretty sure they don't but I'll ask some of the mums with older dc when I go to pick her up today. I think it's a year 4 thing.

Thanks you 2, thank goodness I have people like you to reassure me or I would go mad! I am also prety sure she shouldn't go. Have to stick to my guns here.
The scare tactics have mainly been the pressure of the teacher who seems to have said they all HAVE to go and the assistant who watches the class when they have UEA (a stupid empty lesson) and she had told a boy who didn't want to go that he would have to go in the 6th year and sit and do work all day if he didn't come. That made me mad because dd sits next to this boy so she heard what this woman said. That doesn't sound too bad to us as adults but they are scare tactics for little kids.
I know my dd best and when I asked her if she wanted to go she said "err, yeah I do,...but Herr Kaping said we all had to go anyway" I could tell straight away that she wasn't really wanting to go but had been told she had to.
SSShaketheChi, it would be great if you found out what your school does, and if you know any "real" German mums to ask them. All the German and Polish mums think it's a great idea at out school.

finknottle, thanks, I'll email you my letter which I got 3/4 finished yesterday. Let me know what you think of it!