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Original poster

finding life with 2 VERY difficult...3yr old and 7wk old...is this normal?

29 replies

xenabelly · 03/03/2007 23:04

Help! Think i'm cracking up, we tried for baby no 2 for 2 years and i was desperate to have 2 children. Now i've got 2 children and they are driving me nuts! Am totally exhausted and feel like i'm the grumpiest, most miserable mum in the world.

My husband works from home so feel i have to take kids out all day so he can get some work done but find it totally exhausting trying to entertain 3yr old and by 6pm and sick to death of hearing 'mummy,mummy,mummy'.

I feel really bad that i'm finding my 7wk old so much easier to be with than my 3yr old who insists on coming to the toilet with me! I don't think it's a reaction to baby cos she was like this before I had him, think it's just normal 3yr old behaviour. Just feel really guilty that i feel so relieved when she goes to playschool or to grandparents for a few hours.

Having said all that I love both of them to pieces and after having a 'bad day' with her today she was sooo cute going to bed and blowing me kisses that i felt really guilty.

Is this all normal stuff? Is it just cos i'm getting used to having 2? Suppose the sleepless nights aren't helping.

Please reasurre me that it gets better!

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malaleche · 03/03/2007 23:10

It's normal. It's much, much harder starting again with a new baby and continuing with the old toddler at the same time than it would be just continuing with the toddler...iykwim
Mine are 3.5 yo and 5 1/5 mo and the first month was fine, the next 3 and a half stank and now am either used to it or hormones have settled down and dont feel like killing myself and them any more. But don't think it's fair you have to take them out the house all day just because of dh - get him some earplugs!

Busybean · 03/03/2007 23:11

Yes it does, I had ds2 when ds1 was 20 months, and boy would I discourage anyone to have them that close. I found the first 6-9 months almost unbearable; if it wasnt ds2 screaming the house down, or requiring 2-3hr feeding sessions, it was ds1 wingeing and whining and having tantrums all day.
I never really went out much for the first yr of ds2 life as I dont drive and it was so much hassle.
Ds1 would also not let me do anything with ds2 and ds2 would often get a sly hit round the head whilst I was breastfeeding.
Its completely normal-ffs your baby is only 7wks old!!! everything will get to you more than it usually does, your hormones will be all over the place following the birth and with sleepless nights you are bound to feel like this.

It does get better xx

brimfull · 03/03/2007 23:11

well I have one ds of 4.5 (and a 15yr old dd) and I can't wait for ds to go to playschool/bed whatever!
I love him dearly but 24 hrs a day ....aaaargh.
You are completely normal imo .
And 3 is a very tiresome age imo.

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sauce · 03/03/2007 23:15

xenabelly, you poor old thing! yes, it's totally normal - everything you describe. It gets easier in a way but life with 2 is more of a challenge. Sleep will help you get more of a grip on things but get used to feeling exhausted. I'm so happy I had 2. I'm an only & I so wanted dd to have a sibling. We've had our moments but I wouldn't choose to do anything differently. Keep us posted.

Mummy2TandF · 03/03/2007 23:17

Hiya - completely normal - I have a 2.3 yr old and a 16 week old and have been finding it really hard! Haven't really wanted to admit it as I felt like I was a failure but my friend has just had a baby who is 3 weeks and she has a 3yr old and she has been on the phone to me in tears as well I think it is all part of the adjustment from 1 to 2 children and toddlers are sooo demanding - I don't think that you ever realise how demanding they are when you only have them but when you have a new baby as well it is hard! You baby is only 7 weeks, stick with it ad it does get better (I think it is starting to anyway) although I do try to get out for either a morning or afternoon everyday to keep me sane it also keep ds occupied and stops him climbing the walls

Frizbe · 03/03/2007 23:21

totally agree, 3 year olds are trying at the best of times roll on pre school eh my other one is 1 tomorrow, and its been an interesting year, dealing with the two of them, but it does get better! My dh works from home some of the time, and he has had to learn to put up with the kids, or take the laptop and go elsewhere to work! you spend far too much cash taking them out everyday, send him out instead if poss.

Nemo2007 · 04/03/2007 12:36

3 yr olds are a nightmare..I have a 3.4yr old DS, 14mth dd and 2mth old dd. The 3 yr old is harder work than both the others put together.

edam · 04/03/2007 12:40

Agree with everyone else (from a bystander perspective, only have one myself but this sounds familiar from friends with two or more).

I don't think you should work so hard at keeping them out of your dh's hair - I know he's trying to work, but tough, he chose to have two children as well! You can't spend all day every day out of the house, just not reasonable and will drive you mad.

edam · 04/03/2007 12:41

Make him get a shed or something or convert the loft so he has somewhere to work while you and the kids are in your house. Where you have every right to be. Completely unreasonable to expect you to stay out all day. Sheds fitted out as home offices with heating and lighting cost a few grand.

TrinityRhino · 04/03/2007 12:43

I'm not coping very well with 3 but the one that causes me the most trouble out of the 6yr old, 22 month old and 3 week old is DEFINITELY the 22 month old. You lot are all saying that 3yr olds are a nightmare I was hoping that she would be manageable when she's 3 abd the littlest is turning one

edam · 04/03/2007 12:46

Trinity, from my experience and from other kids I know, two year olds who really get into the terrible twos cheer up when they hit three. It's the kids who aren't particuarly terrible aged two who turn into threenagers!

TrinityRhino · 04/03/2007 12:47

goodness, I hope you are right

franke · 04/03/2007 12:52

Just agreeing with everyone else - I found the transition from 1 to 2 a real shock, a complete logistical nightmare that my nappy brain had problems coping with

Please be kind to yourself and don't be too considerate to your dh. It's just not practical to be out all day with 2 little ones and gives very little time for you to get a rest (even if that just means slumping on the sofa in front of cbeebies with your 3yo for 30 mins while baby sleeps).What you're doing is probably far harder than what your dh is managing day to day. Can he at least just work in one room where he can shut the door?

MadamePlatypus · 04/03/2007 13:58

I think the big problem you have is DH working at home. The thing that makes having 3 yr old and a baby bearable is when you realise that you have to have the bits of the day when everything is chaos and everyone is screaming. It is very difficult to look after two children if you are constantly out and on the go/trying to keep things calm at home. Sorry if this isn't helpful - I don't know if your husband can work away from home.

Having said that, it will get easier. I have a 4 month old and a 3.4 month old, and things are consiferably easier now that the baby is past the colicky/I am not sure about this being out of my mummy's tummy phase. Still not getting much sleep between the two of them, but hey ho.

Bucketsofdynomite · 04/03/2007 16:36

God don't feel guilty about playschool! Apart from anything it's her special time away from the hassles of home, where people are just interested in her. My dd was 20m when DS was born (3yrs early LOL) and I would have killed for free childcare for her! My mum was still coming over at 7wks to drive her about as she would only nap in the car or pushchair. Hope you're getting some rest while she's out.
Can't your dh go and work in a library or the car or park for the odd noisy time?

JodieG1 · 04/03/2007 16:40

Sounds normal to me. My ds1 is 3 and ds2 is 7 weeks and ds1 is very whiney and whingey and it does grate. Dd is generally much better but she's just turned 5. I am always knackered and stressed but I keep telling myself that it won't last! I have my parents helping a lot still and they either take the older two to school/pre-school or stay with the baby at home while I take them. Ds does 12.30-3pm every day. Not much advice other than try and rest when you can, easier said than done I know.

Mercy · 04/03/2007 16:44

Completely agree with Edam's posts - especially re your dh, and the threenagers! (both mine are/were like this)

LadyOfTheFlowers · 04/03/2007 16:51

i have a 20m old and a 6m old and now the ds2 old can entertain himself a little or is happy to watch me get on with things, it is easier, although the ds1 insists on helping me with things!
ds2 is now going intot he first phase of separation anxiety though and i know things will toughen up again soon!
i found, as you mention, it is 'nicer' to be with the tiny baby at first. they seem so easy in comparison yet when your first baby was tiny they were difficult iyswim?!
saying that, having 2 with the youngest not wanting me to leave the room for 30secs, i appreciate how easy ds1 is now he is a bit more independant ie:he can follow me if he wants to etc.
it is all very confusing.
once you get settled you will be fine. try and get the baby to slot into your first childs routine as mich as poss. easier for me as they are both still babies really. i manage to get them to sleep at the same time in the afternoon for example.
hope some of this makes sense.
keep your chin up and i find it really useful to count my blessings every now and again to remind me how much i have.

bobblehead · 04/03/2007 17:45

Eeeeek!

Will go back to skimming the threads that say newborn and toddler is easier than pg and toddler.
Am due in 3 weeks when dd will be 22 months

majormoo · 04/03/2007 18:26

well I sympathise. My DD is 3.5 and DS is coming up for 5 months. Much as I love her, I am so relieved when she goes off to play school or nursery as the constant 'mummy mummy mummy' does get wearing. The baby just seems so easy in comparison. I think for me, I am just useless without sleep, so just have no patience. Five minutes ago she was asking me quite reasonable questions about where my great grandad is (dead), where is he now he is dead(I said heaven), how do you get to heaven, where is is heaven etc and I just couldn't summon the energy for enthusiastic replies. Luckily DH is now doing her bath!

My DH works from home half the time, and although it is great that it means he can help with bedtime/morning routine, it is hard in the day when he is there, as I also feel I need to be out of the house. should be easier in summer at least. Some of my close friends with babies and toddlers have partners who work really long hours who are never around to help, so I do see it as a bonus that he can work from home.

anyway just wanted to say i know how you feel. i have lots of friends with similar age gaps and it seems to be the norm really.

motherinferior · 04/03/2007 18:38

Totally normal: and agree with Edam (both Edam and I work from home, btw - we do know this territory!) about how you shouldn't have to get away from the home!

MadamePlatypus · 04/03/2007 20:19

I am so with you majormoo. If sleep deprivation is a kind of torture, sleep deprivation + answering questions about "why is it getting dark" and then being asked the same question 30 seconds later is so much worse. I am surprised Jack Bauer hasn't tried it on 24.

wexy · 04/03/2007 22:17

Just like to add, im new to mumsnet by the way. I have a baby boy age 2 and a baby girl age 1. I breast fed both, found it very difficult as baby girl would not take a bottle,not even expressed milk. My son was brillant and he is so laid back, otherwise i would not of coped. Some days are bad when i feel if i have to change another nappy i will go mad. But then you have the good days when they play all day together and do the cutiest things, like my son trying to clean my daughters teeth and he gives her a bottle and also trys to feed her. He also tells her no when she is in any danger,like falling or crawling away. I have never regretted having two so close. It gets easier and easier, just remember what you've got.

Sakura · 04/03/2007 23:09

Umm, I found if VERY difficult with a 7 week old and no 3 year old. SO I`d say that any mum who manages a newborn plus another child deserves a medal.

pucca · 04/03/2007 23:15

I am another who felt the same, still do some days! My dd was 2.7YO when my ds was born, they are now 3.2YO and 7 mths and it does get easier.

I found it really tough the first 3 months, felt completely bogged down and actually couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel, but dd now goes to nursery 2 days (soon to be 5 days) per week which is good for her and ds and i!

Once the baby starts sleeping better, you will feel much better yourself.

No one could have made me comprehend how difficult i would find having 2, but remember when you have no 1 if you are tired you can sleep when they sleep, when you have a toddler who is running round constantly all day you don't have any of that...knackered or not you have to keep going...it is sooooo tough.

Just remember IT DOES GET BETTER!

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