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Original poster

i feel like i am losing it, if i dont get it otgether soon i think i may lose my kids

36 replies

misdee · 03/03/2007 14:36

i am ready for the onslaught now, but i need help. i was going to go annoyamos for this but there is no point

last week i accidently bruised dd1 arm. i picked her up near the top of her arms to move her quickly, and her arm is a mess. but i know it wont be belived as its so bad. i had been growing my nails and 3 of them cut in (she is heaveier than i remembered) as i moved her quickly (she is 7). basically i had all 3 kids screaming and frozen tio the spot after dd1 kicked the table leg out and threw 2 meals to the floor. i needed them all out of the way as milk was spreading everywhere(laminate floor), and there was hot food, plates cups, cuterly everywhere. i feel absolutly terrible, and i know it was because of my temper flaring up when this happened that dd1 got hurt. there was a small cut. i sprayed her arm with a cooling spray that dh has from the hospital that also draws bruising out, and put a plaster on the cut. but i guess now it looks like iam covering it up, but i am not. hoenstly.

i feel so down and stressed, and am so worried iwill be seen as not coping and lose my family.

i am going to get a docs appointment on wednesday (day off) but am unsure of whats wrong with me, apart from the obvious stress.

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 03/03/2007 14:39

Of course you are under stress, you would have to be bloody superwoman not to be, when you have went through as much as you
have.

I'm sorry I have no practical advice, just didn't want to read & not post. If I can think of anything later I'll come back xx

quadrophenia · 03/03/2007 14:42

mate if you need some help, ask for it, its sounds to me like you need a break. Obviously you are bound to lose it at times you are under an enormous amount of pressure. try not to get to paranoid about what others think, you are a good mum who just happens to be having a rough time.

PersonalClown · 03/03/2007 14:44

Lose the girls?.....BOLLOCKS!!!
You are entitled to be stressed, maybe even depressed. It was an accident, you didn't mean to hurt her. I KNOW THAT.
I don't know how you cope at times and I thought I had it bad sometimes.
They will not take the girls away but is there anyway of getting a bit of respite? Someone to take the girls out for the day, or just to watch them while you shop/see a movie/whatever without having to take them too?
I'll ask my SW but she's not here till the 14th March and I don't know if that's too long to wait.

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JanH · 03/03/2007 14:45

Oh misdee, sweetheart, you have really really got to get some help and support, you have borne all this on your own for so long and you just can't go on doing it, nobody could.

Big hugs and please try not to feel terrible (although I know you will )

XXX

SSShakeTheChi · 03/03/2007 14:45

Hi Misdee. Don't know what you are going through at the moment. Ask family/friends/neighbours for help. Ask people to take the dc off your hands now and again.

Is your mum or a sister nearby?

prufrock · 03/03/2007 14:46

misdee - temper flaring in that situation would be normal for anyone, let alone someone living with the daily stress that you have to. I think the fact that you feel terrible about hurting her acidentally shows that there is nothing wrong about what you did - accidents do happen.

Does your GP have a counselling service? YOu have so much to cope with that it might be helpful to have somebody completely neutral and sympathetic that you can just offload to - won't make your problems go away, but might make you feel better about them?

StinkyPete · 03/03/2007 14:48

misdee, i only know a little of your situation and i'm sure others will come along with loads of support. i just wanted to say a quick word from the point of view of social services - i'm presuming that they are involved in the support of your dh. They should be assessing the help you need as a family; not just in terms of dh's care needs. If you need more help, with parenting time, household tasks, whatever, then please make that clear and ask for it. ss now do all they possibly can do to keep familys together and carer stress is not the same as poor parenting.
hope you feel you can ask for the help you need.

Rhubarb · 03/03/2007 14:49

It was an accident! Goodness knows how many times I have accidently scratched the kids, stood on them, knocked into them, etc. The worst being when I lose my temper and physically throw them onto the settee!

You are panicking because you are depressed and thinking the worst of everything. Your dd probably won't even remember this time next week.

We all have bad days and if we were all really really honest, we could tell you tales that would have the whole of MN on our backs!

Don't be so harsh on yourself, you are doing remarkably well under the circumstances, don't push yourself though.

StinkyPete · 03/03/2007 14:51

ignore me if i'm telling you things you already know, but a couple of ideas;
does your ss have a young carers group - they maybe able to take children out a bit, after school activities, that kind of thing.
does your dh's therapy team have a psychologist - they can help with carer stress; coming to terms with change and loss, etc.

Original poster
misdee · 03/03/2007 15:04

thank you. i am sitting here sobbing as i was expecting a backlash.

i realised todaty that dh care agency are screwing us out of our entitled and paid for hours. so i am asking for those extra hours to be available to me, as apart from me going loopy as dh cant go out due to nerve pain and only can lie down comfortably, i am not getting any time alone atm. i have taken to shutting myself in the bathroom, but even that doesnt work as we dont have a lock. i am finally admitting to myself that i8 am going through depression of sorts again, and apart from getting mroe sleep, i need extra help.

the carers support group runs during school pick up times (who though of that idea??). social services have never been to see us at home and discuss anythign with us, they set up dh carers and thats it. my kids are missing out on a social life as i am unable to take them anywhere due to dh. dd2 nursery got her extra hours so she goes all day now, but that also means i have lost 30mins peace and quiet each day when i was walking alone.

OP posts:
strongteabag · 03/03/2007 15:23

I don't know much about you misdee but know yo have it tough. People do lots lots worse than what happened wih your DD and don't admit to it. I do know how awful you must feel though. I remmber during a time of severe stress I snapped and smacked DS1, the way he looked at me and how sick I felt; and how sick I feel now thinking I had hurt him. I hardly hurt him but I had taken my stress out on him really, but I regretted it and ypu do learn from these things. I forced myself to learn different coping strategies. I tell DS it is OK to be angry just don't hurt other people, so I plonk myself on the bottom step and growl like I tell him to. I guess these sugestions seem trivial to you though. Good luck with the GP. Don't be scared to ask for help, you MUST get a break.

MilaMae · 03/03/2007 15:23

Misdee just wanted to add my support. I've had the odd mishap too, we all have, anybody who says they haven't will be fibbing. Sounds as if you've got a lot on your plate you sound like superwoman to me so hang in there, wish I could offer some useful advice.

JanH · 03/03/2007 15:28

Are you still having problems with dd3's sleeping too? If so could she have an occasional overnight at your mum's (or Peter's, or anybody's ) just so that you can get a decent amount of sleep for once?

Original poster
misdee · 03/03/2007 15:29

dd3 is now sleeping through to 6.30am. its me who cant sleep.

OP posts:
JanH · 03/03/2007 15:32

I'm glad you have sorted her out - well done!

You not sleeping will be depression too, won't it? You really need a break. Is there someone at Harefield you can talk to about this to help you get some support in place?

NuttyMuffins · 03/03/2007 15:37

Misdee no one would take your girls off you for an accidental scratch so don't even think about that anymore and don't feel bad you didn't do it on purpose.

FWIW I did the exact same thing the other week. Was putting Ds to bed and he was playing up. As he lay down I leant over to throw the quilt over him and he sat back up and I caught my nail on his cheek and made quite a deep scratch. He has told loads of people that mommy scratched him but at the end of the day I know and he knows that it was an accident.

Having no time off screws your head up. I know mine feels permanently screwed from the 24/7 kids and house stuff and I don't have the additional problems that you have.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

WestCountryLass · 03/03/2007 19:40

What happened to your DDs arm could have happened to anybody elses in the same circumstances.

Of course you feel terrible but it was an accident!

WideWebWitch · 03/03/2007 19:46

Don't feel bad Misdee, you are under an enormous amount of pressure, the arm was an accident, it sounds like it was a very stressful moment, we all have them.

I think you need some help and you need some time alone, you really do.

FioFio · 03/03/2007 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ejt1764 · 03/03/2007 19:59

Misdee - this organisation were incredibly helpful when we were trying to organise respite care for my sister.

Hang on in there - you are legally entitled to help this will show you how to go about it.

Thinking of you - go and see your GP - they spend a lot of their time helping people just like you.

Take care - thinking of you.

ejt

steinermum · 03/03/2007 20:08

I don't know how old your children are but your local Homestart group can send you a parent volunteer to help you out if you have any children five and under. Good luck

onlyjoking9329 · 03/03/2007 20:08

don't think for one moment that anyone will take your kids away cos it ain't gonna happen. you are under a lot of stress, you are responsilbe for so many people and so many things and it is bloody hard work, it might be worth looking into direct payments throu the SW. do give us a shout on msn if you want to chat.

mytwopenceworth · 03/03/2007 20:21

of course you feel bad Misdee, but it was an accident. ive done all sorts, including bashing ds2 round the head with a shopping basket! it happens.

but it sounds like you are about done in. you have lived, lets face it, anyones nightmare for what - 2 years now? you must be made of sterner stuff than superman but everyone has their breaking point and unless you get some serious aid, you might find it harder and harder to cope.

you need to take some time out so getting your hours back is a good first step, but maybe there are organisations that can help with childcare or housework, just to give you some help - for YOU. and maybe some counselling - to give you somewhere safe to vent?

you are a lovely woman and a strong one but you are not superhuman. please dont beat yourself up. xxxx

Original poster
misdee · 03/03/2007 20:24

yes 2 years now.

OP posts:
Aloveheart · 03/03/2007 20:33

I think everyone can honestly say they've done something they shouldn't have out of stress and depression. You've alot on your plate probably more than most people. Your entitled to have bad days. don't beat yourself up over it.

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