Newborn & Sleeping

[Mrs40]

Needing some advice. My newborn is 2 weeks old and is wide awake at night and sleeps all day. The advice seems to be that in the early weeks establishing a routine won't work and its best to feed on demand and go with the flow and over time things will sort themselves out. I don't have a problem with this as my husband is off work and will be for another week but I am completely panicking about when he goes back and won't be able to help out during the night.

It's all very well saying sleep when the baby sleeps but even with the two of us off it's hard to get nap time during the day when there seems to be an endless list of things to get done. I didn't think it would be this hard. The other day for example I got up at 630 changed and fed baby and got myself dressed (a quick wash in the sink and a clean pair of leggings so not exactly a full pampering session :-) ) and these tiny basic tasks took me until 915 when the feeding cycle started again and the bottles need sterilised etc etc. Then the midwife visits and so on and on and before I know it it's night time again and I have achieved nothing let alone had time for a daytime nap.

We are coping as I said because my husband is off so I try and sleep between 9 and 12 and then my husband sleeps later in the mornings but as I said I am worried when he goes back to work.

Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal? Does it get better?

When I ask for advice from family and friends I feel criticised that I don't have a routine but with a baby only 2 weeks old I don't know if I am failing.

You're not failing. If you manage to put leggings on, you're doing better than I did. I don't think I got out of my pjs for a month.

It WILL get better.
It is normal.
You are not failing. Smile and nod at those criticising you and IGNORE them.
The first few months can be really tough. Google 4th trimester. Baby is all over the place.
You can help to differentiate day from night by keeping room dark and quieter at nighttime and curtains open and some noise during the day. It'll all come right.

Sounds about normal. What is it that you have on your endless list? What can you get rid of for now?

It will get better, and at 3-4 months that early rough patch will likely start to fade from your memory!

My HV at pre birth meeting said aim to get dressed by 12 and I internally laughed. I struggled to do this for weeks and weeks.

Even if you are formula feeding your baby feeds more at night because he is trying to up your milk supply which need a hormone which is only produced at night. Your baby is also used to sleeping during the day as when he was in the womb you moving would have rocked him to sleep.

On a night time try to keep light low or off and make as light noise as possible so don't sing or talk to your baby. On the day time keep him entertained but make sure he is not awake for more than 90mins at a time. Also try and get him in day light during the day . This can just be putting his Moses basket in front of a window.

Lower your standards. Do the bare minimum and live on freezer food.

If you have not got a sling then get one. It will mean you can chat to entertain your baby while you empty the dishwasher and load the steriliser.

You have no jobs to do right now other than to feed yourself and your baby and rest and recover from a major physical event. Everything else can wait or be delegated to husband/friends/family. Oh and cuddle your baby - as much as possible!

I was going to suggest a sling...but Heirhelp beat me to it!
I know it seems like the magical MN answer to everything, but it seriously works! My DS (and DD when she was a baby) has pretty much lived in it 24/7 since he's been born. Feed, burp, change, into in the sling, crack on wit what I need to do and he's asleep within minutes. He's 4 months old now and still takes all his naps in a sling.

I feel your pain. I have a 5 week old and today didn't even manage to get dressed. My house is a tip as I have a velcro baby that doesn't like being put down on her back to sleep due to silent reflux.

We are going to the sling library on Monday to try some out and hopefully just more than the bare minimum of housework will get done after that.

It will pass. It doesn't seem like it will when you are in the middle of it but it really will pass.

It does pass and you forget the bad bits. It is a cliche but enjoy all the cuddles you can.

Although I cuddled my babyblots my one regret is not getting a sling earlier and stressing about the need to get organised and out and about.

Totally totally normal and it gets WAY better. Don't put pressure on yourself to get dressed or do anything at all if you don't want to. Sit on the sofa, hold and feed your baba, watch Netflix and drink tea.

It's normal. Nobody has a routine at 2 weeks with their first child. Go easy on yourself. Look after the baby, rest whenever possible. Accept that you will be really tired for a while, and don't do anything you don't absolutely have to do.

Thank you all so much for replying. I feel much better knowing this is normal.

I'm definitely going to look into the sling idea.

I am also going to try to be kinder to myself. I ended up with an unplanned section after a long labour and was nicked resulting in a 2 litre blood loss so recovery will be a bit slower. unfortunately now my wound is infected and open and antibiotics are playing havoc with my system. It's also slowed down my milk production so we are relying mainly on formula which isn't a bad thing as means my husband can feed him at any time.

He's gone down now so time to try and catch up on my sleep feeling reassured by all of your kind posts. Thanks again.

I could have written this post! I also have a two week old nocturnal baby, hence being on MN at 03:28am!
I. Am. So. Tired. I also had an unplanned CS and have had complications postnatally, now also relying largely on formula and busy beating myself up about that.
I'm really hoping that it improves soon for us both. DH is trying to help, but I'm mostly fairly snappy and baby seems to only really settle for me. Sigh. I hope you're sleeping now OP zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You birth sounds similar to mine except I had no blood loss but ended up with spesis.

If you had any other major op you would getting lots of rest instead you have the opposite. Be very kind to your self.

GTS I hope you managed to get some sleep last night. I did because my husband did a lot of the night time. I'm feeling a lot more positive today as I am reassured that this is normal and that there really isn't much I can do except ride it out and that I am not doing anything wrong. I'm sorry you are in the same boat but in a perverse way it has helped me. Take care of yourself.

You are not doing anything wrong. In fact, it sounds like you are doing great, as is your DH. Let him help and support you, together you will get through it. There is no such thing as a routine at this age, just cuddles on the sofa and lots of crap tv.
I slept from about 4:30 til 8am. I may go mad and have a shower soon. Although the sight of my body post CS currently makes me weep (I suspect this is just hormonal, at least I'm hoping so!).

Yes, it will get better, hang on in there!

Could your husband help out with a least some of the night feeds once he's back at work?

Please don't feel you didn't achieve anything if you've not done household jobs. You're caring for your DS and that's the most important thing.
I felt similar to you when I had DS1, I felt like I should be able to do everything and I put too much pressure on myself. With DS2 I knew better and I was much more relaxed. I spent weeks just holding him and watching box sets on TV. Some days I didn't get dressed at all, if my teeth were brushed I was happy.
When your DH goes back to work make sure you're stocked up with drinks/ snacks you can eat with one hand/make a packed lunch while he's there. Work out when you can grab a shower. I always had mine when DP came home as DS2 was bf all day! I know some babies will sit in their bouncy chair in the bathroom for a bit.
Try to get out for a bit everyday, even a short walk is good for you. Don't put pressure on yourself. Definitely Google fourth trimester too.

I'm afraid I tried a bit of Gina Ford with modifications! It is normal that they sleep all day and are awake all night at 2cweeks but it's like a form of torture! I tried to keep my little one awake a bit more

In the day and eventually this worked and he slept better at night. He only slot through at about 21 months though!

Hello, I had the same fear when my husband had to go back to work. You think about how you're going to go to the loo, eat or answer the door if the postman is at the door.

Do you have friends who can come over for a few hours with you ok the first day? If not, don't have high expectations of what you can achieve. Who cares whether you're dressed or not for the whole day? Don't expect you will do any housework or cook a meal - that's your husband's job!

Also use the app Mush to find mums in your area who you may want to invite over to your house for some support.

Two weeks is way too little to have a routine. 12 weeks is the mark when you should start some kind of routine. By 4-5 weeks you can think about teaching him/her day and night to help the routine. Now the number one priority is that baby js feeding, pooing and weeing well. As long as baby is doing all that and gaining weight- you're winning!

I'm a new mum to a 5 week old - trust me my baby was like that in week 2 but now he knows Day and night and sleep much better and night.

During the day, keep the TV/music on and keep the room bright. Don't keep your noise down. During the night, everything is pitch black, don't talk to baby during feed. In the beginning baby will be wide awake in the dark just staring into space but then after a few days to a week baby will learn that nothing is going to happen so baby will sleep!

Hope it helps - you're doing great! X