Advice needed from RAF wives

[fluffyducks]

My DH is looking into going the RAF and the recruitment office have been really pushing 'we're family friendly' and I want to know if that is true. We have 2 DD's, 1 and 2 y.o. and as my DH is my only support at the moment, I am obviously very concerned about what support there is when he is away, is there any organised by the RAF? I'm also worried about what I'll do when the kids are at school, are there any restrictions on wives working, what jobs they can take etc? I'm also unsure about what happens during the initial training, will we be able to see him at all, how long might he be away from us? I'd also like to know what it's like living on base/off base. I'd really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thanks in advance.

there are wives who work and seem to find jobs where ever their DH goes but I would think that depends on the type of work you do. Having said that the air warfare centre has intelligence officers as well as the scientists, but you can't stay in 1 place all the time . Loads of people do seem to rotate round Lincolnshire cos there seems to be loads of bases here.its even good for London commuting cos of the train links

Skyler where are you based I'm on the move to High Wycombe soon ( medmenham patch) .trying to find out about the area

Skyler - thank you for your post. I see you use the phrase 'getting by'. I don't want to just get by, is that what it is really like?

Does anybody know if the RAF have their own forensic scientists?

Hi Flossie, I remember, I emailed my friend to try and get some info on Wycombe for you.
I am at the home of the PTI's at the moment.

Fluffy - . We do better than get by if I am honest. I think we have a good life really because of the job security and experiences we have had (we were posted in Cyprus prior to living here) and prior to this posting dh has had the sort of job where I could pop in for a cup of tea if I was passing. There is a lot of 'networking' like that. Lots of work gets done in the Mess after hours!!!
I am a glass half full person normally and although I go into melt down initially on receiving certain pieces of news I hope that I am soon looking for the positive and we try and do lots of things where ever we live. If it wasn't for this job I would still be living in my home town. That would be fine and that is where we want to end up but I have met such wonderful people and been able to do fun things along the way as well as gaining huge amounts of confidence by proving to myself that I can walk into a room full of people I don't know and talk to them, something I would never have felt capable of unless I had had to do it IYSWIM.

Yes based at Henlow and Cranwell according to this google result here

I should add that my DH has the sort of job where he doesn't have to go away very often, apart from a few courses. The lovely thing about living so close to work (if you are on the patch) is that my dh is usually home by 17.15 to eat with me and the girls so actually our family life is much better than someone having to commute for an hour at the end of the day. DH can also pop home for lunch if he wants, although he usually trains. When we were both working on camp we would walk in together, meet for lunch and both be home by ten past five. That was lovely.

When/if your dh goes away they are keen to be seen to be doing the Welfare thing. You will be allocated a contact etc and given lots of (patronising) information. But actually there is no extra childcare help or money, apart from the extra you get while your dh is away. Having said that people do help each other out. When I was in Cyprus we really looked after each other as none of us had any family close by.
I go to a Mums and Toddlers on camp and a civvie one too and I like the spread that gives me. I am spoilt though and have people here I knew from previous postings. I also joined the committees of one toddlers and the nursery and go to the local church so I do have people I can call on in an emergency.

Skyler - good to know that it's not just a case of getting by, life is for living and all that.

Skyler - what do you mean by extra help while DH is away?

Like you wouldn't be offered a place at any camp run nursery or anything like that. It was sort of in answer to your question about if there is any support organised by the RAF when your dh is away asked in your OP.
I have to say the RAF have impressed me in real family crisies. I know a family who had their youngest tragically diagnosed with cancer. The dh was given a year off to be with his family no questions asked. I have to say when things go wrong the support and speed things happen at is impressive. We saw a lot of it in Cyprus when people needed to get back due to family emergencies.

The difference between the Army going away is that generally they go as a regiment and so all the families are left at the same time (though not always) so there are often things set up geared towards the families (at least it seemed this way in Cyprus and Germany), but the RAF go away as individuals and so it is different, but generally people are in a better situation to help you out as they are not in the same situation IYSWIM.

Fluffy - I think Sky may have been referring to the extra pay they get for being away from home.

Fluffy

On the whole it is a good life, and what you have to remember is that if your husband worked for a big firm that wanted him to move there would be no support at all when you got to the new unknown place...at least with the RAF there is some. You need to be proactive, but when you arrive at a new place you will get a pack with all the details of the local area, usually including contacts of the local wives rep i.e someone who lives on the same few streets as you who has volunteered to help out new arrivals. If you then go and knock on your door and have a chat, that can be a valuable way of getting to know people.

Generally there is a useful informal network as well. My next door neighbour's dh is away for 6 months in the Falklands at the mo, and she has 2 kids under 3. I have made a real effort to see her a couple of times a week, and looked after one of the kids so she can take the other one to the docs etc....mainly because I think it is the right thing to do, but also because that could be me in a few months and I'd hope the support would be returned!

There are plenty of civilian jobs with the MOD, and you can then move with hubby and apply for the next vacancy that comes up at the new camp, and will be put at the top of the list. That said, depending on how qualified you are and how much you are used to earning, these are not high paid or prestigious jobs IFYSWIM. Generally between 12 - 18K. There are scientists and analysts as well (my dh works testing new weapons systems for fast jets with some of them!), but they are pretty specialist jobs. I think if you looked on the MOD website it might give you an idea of the careers available and whether you would be interested/qualified.

Take care.

What are your thoughts Fluffy?
It is like all things, swings and roundabouts, but on the whole I feel the positives definately outweigh the negatives.
I totally agree with NotYummy too about the 'informal' networks. You sound like the sort of person who would get on ie not shy and retiring. They are the ones who struggle more because you do have to get out there and meet people and be pro-active.
I have a friend whose husband is a pilot and is currently (hopefully) doing his last year of front line flying. He has been away a lot but she has had another two children in that time (she already had one) and kept positive and looking at the bigger picture ie he will hopefully have a training job for a few years and some sort of stability, and her DH LOVES his job. He is living his dreams and that makes a difference.
What does your DH think?

My sister's DH did a double tour at Medmenham, so I was a visitor very often. Quite nice married quarters, the newer ones have two bathrooms, one en suite to master bedroom. I think the older ones are larger though. The school is very good and a 2 minute walk from the patch. My own twoDC loved goiung to stay with their cousins because of the freedom living on a base. I remember it well as a child as well.

Sis was very happy there, she is a practice nurse and picks up work wherever they go, in fact she trained as midwife while there, and is now working in Riyadh where they are doing their 2nd tour. Her DH is hoping to jump to Brit Aerospace later this year and then remain in Riyadh for as long as possible.

Skyler/NotYummy - thank you for your posts, I think if you are examples of wives in MQ's then it would work out, I like to keep busy (I am a SAHM just now but run the local toddlers and breastfeeding groups) and I like to think I get on well with most people so hopefully I would find a role to fill even before the girls go to school and I think about working.

In reply to notyummy's post about whether your dh will get in as Int O, he doesn't need a double first from oxbridge, he needs to pass the aptitude test. We have a very good friend who's an Int O who didn't get an oxbridge degree and he applied to join as an officer a few years after graduating.
I was on my own at a new base when dh went to Falklands for 6 months, I hate to say it but no-one even knew I was living at the base, no welfare/support person assigned to me. However I did find the HIVE one afternoon, who were very helpful and friendly. I would say this is unusual though, as usually I would have stayed at the old base instead of moving to new one, but old one was closing. To be honest, like most things in life, it's often what you make it. I am quite strong/independent but I still found it really hard at times, especially when everyone kept saying 'sympathetic' things like "I don't know how you cope when he's away, you're so brave" Also be prepared for him to miss birthdays/xmas/anniversaries etc - that's when it hits home. My dh was away for our first 3 wedding anniversaries, though thankfully not for xmas (yet).
We've recently bought our own house (hence my nickname!) as we know we'll be staying put for a few years, we only moved before xmas but already I feel much more settled than I ever did in MQ.
Hmm, not sure what the point of that last bit was, hope (some of) it helped though!

nomoremagnolia - thanks, it's good to get a balanced view. Good luck in your new home.

Nomore

You are right; it was a generalisation! I trained officer cadets at IOT for 2 years and i did meet Int Os coming through who weren't Oxbridge...it has to be said though that

a. They tend to have good degrees (2.1 or firsts, with firsts predominating)
b. They tend to have got them from 'good' universities....this is because their A level results are usually pretty impressive and hence they can go to Oxbridge/Durham/Bristol etc

Can I just point out that I am not some sort of university snob...I didn't go to any of these institutions myself!

Lastly, I'm not sure which aptitude test your friend sat...I think there is testing once you have been selected for Int O, to see if you have good photo analysis skils etc, but the only aptitude tests at initial selection are for aircrew, air traffic control and fighter controller. If you are applying for a ground branch, such as Int O, you will do the ATC and Fighter Controller tests as well. If you don't get selected for Int O, they may then offer the other branches if you pass those tests. I guess in a convoluted way, what I am trying to say, is that there are no aptitude tests for prospective Int O's during initial selection at Cranwell. You have to get pass the 'hens teeth' stage before they start giving you specific Int based testing.

Cheers.