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Original poster

Advice needed from RAF wives

70 replies

fluffyducks · 21/02/2007 14:54

My DH is looking into going the RAF and the recruitment office have been really pushing 'we're family friendly' and I want to know if that is true. We have 2 DD's, 1 and 2 y.o. and as my DH is my only support at the moment, I am obviously very concerned about what support there is when he is away, is there any organised by the RAF? I'm also worried about what I'll do when the kids are at school, are there any restrictions on wives working, what jobs they can take etc? I'm also unsure about what happens during the initial training, will we be able to see him at all, how long might he be away from us? I'd also like to know what it's like living on base/off base. I'd really appreciate any advice you can give me. Thanks in advance.

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Notyummy · 22/02/2007 12:05

Aargh!!! JUst posted a huge message which has f**king disappeared.....

Anyway; upshot was:

I am RAF wife who also served as an officer for 7 years and left 2 years ago. I have one dd (7 months) and I work 4 days a week as a Project Manager. Most RAF wives with pre-school age children don't work, for a variety of reasons. Some through choice, some because what they earn doesn't cover the childcare, particularly if they have moved around a lot and their careers took a back seat. Of my post-natal group there were 6 RAF wives and I was the only one who returned to work.

As an Int O your dh will def spend a fair amount of time away in some pretty 'interesting' places. Whilst he is training at Cranwell you will not get to see him much (max 70% of the weekends for 8 months, and he will not be able to leave early on Fridays!). In addition, he will have work to do over those weekends.

Having said that; he is unlikely to get in as an Int O. Hate to rain on his parade, but Int O slots are like hens teeth and tend to go to either people who have joined up as a junior rank in the Intelligence trade and are very good, or people who come straight in with double firsts from Oxford/Cambridge etc(but that could be your Dh, I guess!)He does need to be realistic about the trade he has chosen. He may go for selection and be offered another branch entirely, so has to think whether he wants to be an officer in the RAF and would look at other branches, or only wants to be an Int O.

As for the commuting...plenty of people do it and make it work, but it is bloody hard. I did it without kids for 5 years and I dont want to do with kids if I am working. DH goes away a bit now and that is hard having to do everything as well as working....if I had to do that 5 days a week for years on end with no support from family etc because of where we live I would not be a happy bunny! I accept that when he is sent away I would have to get on with it, but we will do everything to be together the majority of the time and move when necessary. When it gets to secondary school age I will reassess, but I was moved through a few primary schools because of my families miltary background and I always enjoyed school...however you will obviously know if your dc could adapt or not.

Let me know if you have any other queries.

flossie64 · 22/02/2007 12:33

I must have a husband in a different RAF cos nearly all the wives I know work , except for ones with really tiny kids. Even the station commanders wives at our last 2 postings worked full time , so they weren't organising any lunches/coffee morings.

saltire · 22/02/2007 12:57

flossie, where I am, it is mostly junior ranks (i hate that word as a description for Corporals, sgts etc) wives that work full time, or as childminders, or part time in local shops. Of all the Officer's wives I know, only two work, and one is the wife of a Wg Cdr, the other a wife of a Grp Cptn!

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flossie64 · 22/02/2007 13:01

where are you saltire? I guess from your nickname your scottish. I lived up there 4 18 yrs.

saltire · 22/02/2007 13:07

I am scottish, we live in fife. However we have just found out we are posted to Portsmouth of all places. I'm a bit apprehensive if truth be told, as DH only has a year left, so we thought we would finish out his career here. However he has got promotion so is signing on

flossie64 · 22/02/2007 13:13

In the RAF my husband has always led me to believe that your last tour was the one where you got to choose more or less where you went, or is he living in a fantasy world? on second thoughts you don't need to answer that!Are you at Leuchars at the mo?

saltire · 22/02/2007 13:25

We were here on last tour, so your DH is right, you do more or less get to choose where you want to be. We weren't expecting this promotion, especially since DH only has a year left.

Notyummy · 22/02/2007 13:32

Take your point about a lot more wives working at some stations. If you are quite isolated, or in a area with quite low wage (e.g Lincolnshire or far north of Scotland) it is pretty hard to find a job which justifies the £500 (at least) monthly childcare bill plus hassle of working. If the station is in an area which is easily commutable to well-paid jobs I am sure more people do work. I was at Leuchars for 2 years and a lot of the wives/girlfriends of dhs friends on the Sqn did work....but that was because it was commutable to Dundee or Edinburgh. Even so, the majority of them who had kids under 3/4 didn't.

flossie64 · 22/02/2007 14:00

Did any of you know that the RAF sucribes to the childcare voucher scheme. Where you take vouchers towards childcare as part of your pay and that amount is deducted before tax so you are getting a bit more tax free income. I don't think I am making myself very clear , hope people can understand!

Notyummy · 22/02/2007 15:27

The last time my dh asked about this (about 6 months ago), he was told that the RAF DIDN'T do it at that time and was 'considering' entering the scheme. I shall be most vexed if he was given duff info! Will ask him to look again. At the mo I pay for all the nursery fees and get vouchers, but if we could split in in some ways and both benefit from the taxfree bit, then even better.

Notyummy · 22/02/2007 15:34

Just googled it.....with the intro of the new JPA system, the worry is that it won't be able to cope with the complexities of the salary sacrifice/voucher scheme and therefore it isn't available at the moment. Earliest will be late 2007....and from what I've heard about JPA I wouldn't hold your breath...!

MilaMae · 22/02/2007 15:36

Hi Fluffy
Sorry probably didn't get myself across that well. Just meant it's tough basically for kids, wives too but I think RAF kids are brought up with a grin and bear it, get on with it attitude. Didn't do me any harm and has stood me in good stead countless times but each kid is different and it would definately not suit all kids. We're uni educated too so it didn't wreck our schooling but it easily could have. We were lucky dad made sacrifices for us. You're right about dh needing to follow a dream, you only live once, they were happy years for my dad but not that great at times for mum and particularly us. We're pretty self assured too and sorted- happy, careers (before kids wrecked it) etc but we're tough as old boots-not all kids are. Good luck hope it all works out.

FluffyMummy123 · 22/02/2007 15:40

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FluffyMummy123 · 22/02/2007 15:40

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shosha · 22/02/2007 17:05

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shosha · 22/02/2007 17:06

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shosha · 22/02/2007 17:07

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FluffyMummy123 · 22/02/2007 20:12

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shosha · 22/02/2007 20:25

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Original poster

fluffyducks · 22/02/2007 20:36

Jilly... Thank you for your post, we don't have any bases here either, we are in the SW of Scotland, but our local school is fantastic (reflected in the property prices). DH and I have been together for 10 years and so realistically our relationship should be strong enough to survive time apart, it's just that the kids are so young. Maybe it's easier that they are so young though as they are more adaptable. It's just a tough time parenting wise though as there is no-one other than DH who can give me time off.

NotYummy - thank you for all your advice, it's eye-opening. Re. my career I did think if you can't beat them then maybe I should join them but I'm 34 this year and will be too old for officer training when my girls are school age. I couldn't leave them for all those months of training either. Are there many good civilian jobs with the RAF?

MilaMae - thanks for your good wishes, I'm glad you've come out well. I'm tough as old boots too, I would rather it had been through my father being in the RAF rather than just being a complete b**tard.

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flossie64 · 22/02/2007 20:41

There are civilian jobs at the bases. My DH worked in the Air warfare cantre and they had quite a few scientists ( boffins as they called them) don't know what they did tho !

Original poster

fluffyducks · 22/02/2007 20:47

flossie64 - thanks, maybe I should go and see the recruitment office too. Do you think it would be possible, if I did have a civilian role, to follow DH's postings?

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Original poster

fluffyducks · 22/02/2007 20:48

BTW - I studied as a forensic chemist.

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Skyler · 22/02/2007 20:52

Hi, another RAF wife here. The training period will be tough and demands on officers are more than on other ranks (ie non officers) such as moving every 2 years in general, attending certain functions etc etc. But you have an element of job security, hopefully a decent pension, good social life as long as you are a doer, a roof over your head etc etc.
DH will have done his 22 before my dd1 hits secondary school thankfully and because I don't wnat them to board I would consider him commuting if we didn't get the area we wanted to settle in as last tour. This posting was our only negative posting choice and we still got it so don't hold your breath on that one. Also as an officer you are expected to be a RAF officer above all else ie your trade etc and IME more family sacrifices are made. My dh is a Sgt and it seems he can say no to some things.....
I have met some wonderful people and if it wasn't for our cheaper rents I could not possibly afford to be a SAHM at the mo. I don't have many low points now we have settled here but if I do I remind myself of that. It is exciting at times too and I think it is fun, although I am still waiting for new flooring after 12 months...
I think the RAF is the most family friendly of the services. I know dets have been postponed or rearranged due to pregnancies or impending births etc and I think this is unheard of in the Army.

Skyler · 22/02/2007 20:59

There are loads of civvie jobs on bases now. Some with contractors and some Civil service. I got a job on the camp when my dh went on det after we first got married and despite the pay cut it was the best thing I did to learn about the RAF, and meet friends etc.
We have no family support here, (DH has had to take leave so I can have a smear etc) but you get by. BUT I don't work.
We have a good babysitting circle though here and I know the mums through Mums and Tots. I think it is harder to meet people if you work out. That is why I got the job on camp. Though here most of my friends are civvie through Toddlers in the village and nursery etc.

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