Talk to me about 2/3/4 year gaps between DC

[HariboFrenzy]

I know there's no perfect gap between dc, but I'm really struggling to decide when would be best to start TTC no 2. I think I would prefer a 3 year gap, as ds1 would start free childcare then (atm ds1 is looked after by family) and I would be able to nap with the baby when he is at childcare. This is truly, honestly my main reason for wanting a 3 year gap rather than a smaller one . Ds1 has been a bad sleeper (dairy and egg allergy, reflux) and has just started sleeping through at 18 months. Even though I have been back at work since he was 10 months, being able to sleep when he does during the day on my days off has kept me sane. For that reason I really don't think I could cope with a non-sleeping dc2 and a 2 year old.

However, there are many advantages in having a smaller gap. Am I being ridiculous to put off Ttc no2 just to prioritise sleep??

Advice welcome

There's just over 3 years between mine and it's been fine. DS1 was in nursery practically full time even when I was on maternity leave and it didn't seem to affect him in any bad way - he was used to going so we just carried on with it.

The tricky bit with a 3 year gap is a bit later when they're 4 and 1 - the 4 year old is into more intricate play and the 1 year old is in the bulldozing through carefully crafted train sets/lego models/playmobil land etc. I've had to break up a fair few fights!

However they're now 20 months and nearly 5 and they are starting to be best of friends - I wasn't sure if they would with a 3 year gap but they really really love each other. In fact DS2 often calls out for DS1 in the night if I'm a bit slow off the mark too fucking sleepy to jump out of bed!

We have a 19 month gap. It is hard at times but we also had fertility issues, a toddler who had been reliably sleeping 12hours by the time the baby was born and who had been settled at nursery two sessions a week and still had naps.

Overall, it will mean less time with babies in the house. I am choosing to be at home while I have any child under three. However big a knock my career takes in four years a home if it were ten it would be so much worse....

I was hoping to have a relatively short gap between dc - so they'd be in consecutive school years at least - but ended up with a 3 year gap.

Must admit, I hate it. I really really wish it was much shorter. Whilst they can and do play together nicely at times, the gap is such that they have different interests and often want to do different things, and what is suitable for one of them is too old or young for the other (currently they're 11 and 8). They've spent most of their school time in different schools (here we have infant and junior schools rather than primary schools) so they will only spend one of the first 10 years of their schooling at the same school - so 9 years of school pick up nightmares and dashing between schools.

Also there are times when ds2 gets either treated like a much younger sibling or a same age sibling and is expected to behave like someone 3 years older. Neither of which are fair on him!

I might be biased by the fact that there's only 14 months between me and my sister and so we were very close - and could do a lot of things together. I watch dc's friends who have siblings that are close in age do lots of things together too and it does make me very wistful for what might have been.

I have a 15 month age gap and my DC are very close now they are five and four. I found the early days dreadfully lonely even though I went out every day (sleep, nappies and double buggies were all very easy), I slept when they did, I waited and did potty training when they were ready rather than forcing them, double buggy was my ticket to freedom and we travelled loads both at home in London and abroad. Emotionally and physically it was hard on my body. My DH was very busy with his career when they were babies and I have no family or help nearby. Now I'm pretty laid back but my DC are a bit wild probably because I often turn a blind eye.

two years 8 months between mine. It was perfect, although I had hoped for slightly less initially. DD was by this age, very verbal, toilet trained and sleeping in a 'big girl' bed, so I only ever felt like I had one baby even though the age gap is smallish. She also was a good sleeper so only had one waking through the night. I had both of them at home for about 8 weeks, then DD started at a pre-school which I just paid for with some left over childcare vouchers (mine and DHs) until her free funding kicked in just after she turned 3. They are now 18 months and just turned 4 and really enjoying each other's company now.