We've got into a massive mess over a parenting issue and I'm not sure how to move on. Any constructive advice would be gratefully received.
We went on a long car journey with our 9 yo DD and our 7 yo twins as well as my father in law. My oldest one, who is a bit hormonal and tortured at the moment, especially with feeling thwarted by the other two, had brought a big cushion to lean on. One twin was feeling very uncomfortable and my dh promised we would buy him a travel pillow. When we stopped at a services I went in with twin 1 and looked for a pillow. There were some big animal fluffy pillows which were 2 for 1. I got one for each twin, but nothing for big sister as she already had her pillow ( an old breastfeeding pillow from a beloved aunt that she uses to feed her baby dolls). I brought them back to the car and there were tears from the older one. I explained to her that at that time the younger two needed a pillow and she didn't so on that occasion she didn't get something and they did.
This is how we generally play things, not always exactly the same for every child but giving as and when there is a need. For example, only the week before she had a mini makeover for her room with new bedding, curtains and carpet of her choice and the other two got nothing as they needed nothing.
So maybe this was a poor decision of mine as older daughter is very partial to big fluffy things. My dh did not agree with what I had done and thought I should have bought three cushions. So he challenged my decision in front of everyone. I explained it, he questioned me again. He said over and over 'are you sure you want to do this?' And 'can't you see how upset DD is?' Etc etc. I was shocked and v embarrassed in front of whole family and father in law. He kept going as he was driving and stopped the car at one point to continue to beg me to get out and go and buy a third cushion. I felt cornered and eventually just pleaded with him to stop creating division and to support me. He then said to DD that when we stopped again for our next break he would buy her a cushion himself. I was stunned into silence. At the next stop he did not buy her a cushion. I said nothing and thought that he must have decided it was a bad move. As we were loading up the car again I asked him privately why he hadn't. He said it was because there weren't any in the shop and that he had taken her aside and promised her money instead.
I can't help telling this story in a biased way and I know I didn't make the best decision in the first place. Maybe I am just too angry to see this situation clearly.... am I the one in the wrong?
My Dh is not usually like this but recently our relationship has not been amazing. Our DD is also very delicate at the moment, hence his understandable desire for her not to feel left out.
Since then I have told her that I made a tactless decision and that I am sorry and love her very much etc etc but she has latched onto the evil mother saviour father dynamic and said that she thinks I don't love her any more as even when daddy begged me I didn't buy her a cushion.
Feeling very cut up and confused and would welcome any constructive thoughts.
Sorry for long post.