KTeePee - you're absolutely right in saying that I need to keep her confidence boosted. Her form tutor, at parents' evening on Weds said that she was worried about her because she's seemed very scatty in the last few weeks and its very unlike her. I realise she's had a lot on her mind. She's gone to a new school where she knew absolutely nobody, we've moved house twice in the last three months, her commute to school has increased from 30 mins to an hour and we're having a baby in May. There's so much going on her life and I've been so busy that I've neglected her, I think. Poor thing.
We're going away on Sunday for the mid-term, just me and her. It couldn't come at a better time, really.
She does have trendy clothes (I'm only 28, so I'm still fairly in touch!) and she is friends with some lovely girls, although most are outside her own form. She's just found it incredibly frustrating to be in this environment where the "mean girls" seem to be so popular. I asked her if she'd actually like to be friends with these kinds of girls and she said she really didn't, it was just annoying how they were perceived.
I also realised because of her "Miss Fix It" approach to things, she seems to put herself forward for things, like during games (which she's not very good at) and then gets well, abuse, if the team doesn't win. Told her that PE was probably the one thing where people always feel they have the right to tell you you're rubbish and to blame you when things go wrong. Unlikely to happen if your science experiment doens't work... Said that she should channel the "fix it" attitude into leadership in other ways, like suggesting random ways of picking people for tasks in PE when the girls are arguing about it, instead of just getting exasperated and saying, "Oh I'll do it then."
Rosa, I feel for your little girl, becuase I think it must be harder to know how to cope at 9 years old because she's dealing with even more immature girls than mine is. My DD used to come across as "bossy" to other kids, whereas now most other children are learning to value leadership. It's much more difficult for yours. When similar (though not quite so nasty, I admit) things happened to DD in primary school, I sometimes used to ask her exactly what was said and how she reacted. Sometimes I was able to say, things along the lines of, "Well that girl probably doesn't understand where you're coming from, because between you and me, she sounds a bit unhappy/ immature/ confused, so perhaps if you said x in this way instead, it might make her react differently to you." It's a HUGE concept for young children to understand - that you can say what you mean in lots of ways to suit the person you're speaking to. I suppose it's never to early to start leaving how to do it.
So I suppose with the necklace, perhaps I might have said that she really should wear it, but if people asked if she made it and she was embarrassed, that she should do what older women do all the time and give a "This old thing!" type answer and play it down. I related to DD last night about how bloody awful I think the people I work with are, to the point where even I was in tears the other night, but that I'm stuck with them and I'm just reminding myself to take a deep breath in the mornings and not take to heart how obnoxious they are. It seemed to help her when I found a similar situation to hers in my life and told her how I would deal with it and asked if she thought that kind of approach would work for her.
Gosh, this is a long post. Sorry!