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DD (11) dealing with mean girls at school... Am I giving the right advice?

26 replies

twelveyeargap · 15/02/2007 22:37

DD is 11 and is very bright for her age and behaves in a very mature way. She's not precocious (in the perjorative sense) and does have some good friends.

However, she was crying her eyes out tonight, partly with frustration and partly with pure misery about the girls in her class (all girls school), who make fun of her for being clever, and make snide comments about her being helpful and kind to other girls in the class or for putting herself forward to do things.

DD knows that pretending to be 'fick or not doing her work is not the answer, thankfully, but I didn't really know what to say to her, other than that unfortunately there will always be b'tchy women and girls that we need to deal with and that we will never be able to change that. I said that what we could change is how we feel about them and that whilst she mustn't stick her nose in the air, all she can do is try to learn not to care about what they say. That these people will probably never enrich her life in any way and that it's a shame for her to get upset and worry herself about people who don't really matter.

Is this the right thing to say? I feel so sorry for her. She really is a lovely kid. Not in an "all parents think their own kids are great" way - adults and even other children say she's nice and teachers always say how polite she is and what a pleasure she is to have around.

I know I can't stop other children from hurting her feelings, so how can I help her to deal with it?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Sonnet · 21/02/2007 12:53

12yeargap - My dd aged 10 sounds very similar to your DD is in a very similar position. I gave her very similar advice at Xmastime and have helped her develop "other" friendships and strengthen some existing ones outside of school time.
We have spent time just talking about things, how she feels, how she reacts, what n=might have happened if she had reacted differently etc...
Things have turned round for her now almost a term on, but I think they will never go away completly. The "in-group" at her school is also made up of "mean girls" who DD has no desire to join up with or be like.

I don't think things are helped by DD being "mature" for her age and one of the oldest in her school year ( Oct Birthday).

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