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Original poster

4 week old baby - sleeping help needed PLEASE!

48 replies

daisyhun · 15/02/2007 09:37

I have a 4 week old baby (first born DD) and she is wonderful during the day - goes down for naps no bother.

However, we have a terrible time with her in the evenings - she goes down for bed at about 6.30pm after her last feed fine but always wakes 30 minutes later and from then on fights sleep until her next feed and then so on til about 2am. This happens even when she has not slept much during the day.

We are doing everything by the book - same routine, calm winding down time before bedtime, Different sleeping place at night so she knows the difference between night and day, not talking to her much at night and not stimulating her at all.

She doesn't scream much but is just wide awake, calm for the most part but cries when we put her in her moses basket and gets herself so worked up there is no way she would go back to sleep herself.

This all coincides with DH getting back from work so he is not enjoying being a new Dad at all. I feel dreadful all the time as the sleep deprivation and stress is really getting to me - any suggestions gratefully received!!

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 15/02/2007 15:37

hm...I would have thought that your hubby , if he works all day, maybe enjoys time with his Baby and would want to spend some time with her....I mnean, if she is in her bed and you are downstairs...he hasn't got much time to get to know her.

lorie · 15/02/2007 15:49

daisyhun, agree with last posts.

I'm new to motherhood and I remember asking my HV the same thing, she also implied that I should leave him to cry. We didn't because we used our common sense and knew this wouldn't work and would be so cruel.

Don't worry about anything but being there for your baby, if this means feeding her lots in the evening like me, then just put the tv on relax and do it! our babies are too tiny yet to understand what 'bedtime' is. My son can be quite frantic in the evenings and is tiring but come 9/10 pm he finally settles and we can sleep which is such an improvement to those first few wks, when we had no sleep!

I'd also say make life easier for yourself and keep your daughter with you in the evenings.

whatever you do it will get better xxxxx

Original poster

daisyhun · 15/02/2007 15:54

I have to say all the posts on here make a lot more sense than the hv too.

Life would be so much easier if we relaxed about the bedtime routine and kept her with us for the mo, so I think that's what we'll do.

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Indith · 15/02/2007 16:00

I started a very similar thread a week ago when ds was also 4 weeks old. The lack of sleep really does start to get you then!

In the past week he has become so much more aware and things have been slipping into place and I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there! The past couple of nights he has gone down around 8 and it has been great. We tried 7 but like your dd he woke again after half an hour but 8 works really well.

Blu · 15/02/2007 16:47

Controlled crying at 4 weeks? Thank heavens you have MN! You won't make a rod for your own back, so enjoy your baby, enjoy cuddling her, and congratulations!
Also, I have no idea of the reasons in your moving to bottle-feeding, but if it's easy enough for you to continue breastfeeding for a bit longer this might help keep any fussy colicky upset at bay?

Original poster

daisyhun · 15/02/2007 16:54

Breast feeding was getting me down as I had/have very sore nipples - dd seems to have taken to bottle feeding really well, and seems to have no different after-effects from the bottle to the breast... also for now I breast feed before bed just to make sure it is not the bottle that's causing the upset.

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juuule · 15/02/2007 17:19

Don't worry about the feeding. IGNORE the HV advice about CC. As others have said it's downright cruel for a 4-week old. Enjoy your baby and relax. A routine will develop in its own time - yours and your baby's, not some externally imposed one.

Original poster

daisyhun · 16/02/2007 09:47

Thanks everyone for the great advice - last night we bathed dd and cuddled her then put her down in her moses basket at 7pm (once she was asleep) in the living room with us - it worked a treat - she slept right through til her bottle at 11.45pm (bang on her usual feeding schedule).

It slightly backfired as she wasn't interested in going back to sleep after her bottle and I finally got her to drop off at 1.45am - not ideal but I was so happy that DH and I had had a lovely evening together, stress free and had eaten together at a reasonable time!

Now we need to work on getting her back to sleep after her night feeds. I make sure I don't make a fuss, don't really talk to her and keep the lights low and she remains calm but just not sleepy - I am convinced it is because she slept so well in the evening...

I'm sure she will learn te difference between night and day in time though so I'm not overly worried. In the meantime I need to catch up on sleep when she naps during the day

Fingers crossed for another stress free evening tonight!

OP posts:

funnypeculiar · 16/02/2007 10:00

wow - fantastic result - well done daisyhun, mr daisyhun and little daisy! Glad you had an easier evening

lorie · 16/02/2007 15:18

Great!
Like I've said we've been doing this for a while...son doses downstairs, then upstairs for quiet time and bottle around 10pm...and guess what he slept through til 6am last night!! Heaven! We did try putting him upstairs earlier last night (7.30pm) but he would NOT have it, funny little thing! So back downstairs he came...I think we shall just stick to what we are doing for now.Why rock the boat! He He

Glad to hear you had a less stressful evening, I am sure your daughter will learn to settle and sleep longer soon.

xxxx

lukesmummy123 · 26/02/2007 20:04

Hello, As your baby is only 4 weeks old i don't think it is possible to have a routine until at least 3 months old. My ds is 17 months old and since he was 3 months old we have put him to bed at 7.30pm every evening in our room up until he was 6 months old then we put him in his own room. We had a routine of bath, bottle, bed and a story. Now its the same routine except he don't want a bottle anymore, so its bath, drink, bed and a story. I really believe that having the same routine every evening and reading your baby a story from 3 months old really helps to get them to sleep as they get older because my ds has had a story read to him since he was 3 months old and he goes straight to sleep after his story with no problems at all, he always has. He knows that after his story its sleep time. Good luck hope this may help anyone xx

Original poster

daisyhun · 27/02/2007 11:36

Thanks Lukesmummy - so for now we should just keep her downstairs with us til we go to bed? Let her sleep on us or try to persevere in moses basket (she only sleeps for 30 mins in that at a time but is fine once out for the night at about midnight)?

I'm finding the bath, bottle, bed thing really difficult as she has no set routine for feeding - it can be 3, 4 or 5 hours between feeds so some nights bottle works out at just the right time, and other nights, like last night, she fed at 5pm then not again til 10pm - when do I do the bath at that point? Do I put her on a set feeding routine (in which case she will sometimes not even take an ounce if she's not hungry) or do I wake her to bath her?

She also screamed the house down til midnight last night but it was obviously pains - have started with colic drops to see if they help.

OP posts:

adath · 27/02/2007 13:21

I would go eith the keeping her with you thing far easier. I did a routine from birth with dd and although she was on no set feeding pattern I did the bath and jammies thing at around the same time every night and if it was a couple of hours since her last feed I offered another one but never bothered if she never wanted it sometimes she fell asleep but sometimes she never but I did it every night and she did fall into the routine for a short time. Then she changed her sleeping habits again but I adapted to her and she started going to bed earlier. Basically what I am saying is that having a bath bed routine is a good idea there is no point in being rigid with it follow her because she will know herself what she needs so if you see her changning her habits go with them, dd has set her won body clock and I have found it easier to follow her rather than force something on her that is not what she needs.
DS has never had a routine I was too laid back this time and he goes to bed now around the same time every night and has done from a few months old and that is all down to him really.

Keep up the bath etc but do not stress too much about times watch your baby and she will let you know what time she needs to go to bed a routine that suits your family will start to appear.

Runninglate · 27/02/2007 14:35

Hi Daisyhun,

Oooh this all sounds so familiar! For what it's worth, I think perservere with the moses basket and don't let her get used to falling asleep actually on you as she will get used to that.

When she wakes up after 30 mins or so and only if she gets insistent (rather than just the odd cry out or grunting), try gently talking to her (she may just be in a flap thinking you've gone away) and if she doesn't settle again, see if she's hungry and if so, offer her some food. And repeat as necessary! It's normal for them to 'snack' in the evenings if BF.

I personally think bath, feed, bed routine at the same time and then do what you need to do throughout the evening to 'attend' to her.

Original poster

daisyhun · 27/02/2007 16:14

I am so glad this is normal! All advice/experiences welcome - I need as much advice as possible as my health visitor is useless and I have little other support/people to offer advice!

OP posts:

lukesmummy123 · 28/02/2007 20:12

Hello again, We never even tried the routine till our ds was 3 months old as its too hard cause they are too little, i would mabye wait another couple of months as this will be easier for you and baby. To start with we didint bother with the bottle in the routine because he was feeding every 4 hours even through the night, so he had a bottle whenever he woke up, but we did have a routine of bath and then story the same time everynight, then when he was 6 months old we stopped giving him a bottle through the night cause he didnt even want it! so then it was the bath, bottle bed routine,and hey presto it works a treat still!. give this a try, hope this helps too!

crayon · 28/02/2007 20:19

Sorry to say this, but my first two were like this. It lasted a while, but they gradually got earlier and earlier at being settled. Try and focus on the fact that it will get better, and that having a newborn is stressful. Well done for getting her down for naps!

crayon · 28/02/2007 20:23

WHAT!! Controlled crying? Your health visitor needs reporting. As far as I am aware, that is dangerous for such a tiny baby - all babies struggle to settle at this age, I can't believe she suggested that.

Is there another health visitor aligned to your Dr's practice that you could use?

Good luck!

MadamePlatypus · 28/02/2007 20:24

We didn't bother to try to get DS into a routine of going to bed at a set time until he was about 6-8weeks. When DD was born I was all gungho about her getting her into a routine from birth - which was completely pointless until she was 6-8 weeks. At about 8 weeks it suddenly became possible to put her down at 7 and be pretty sure that she would stay there. I think (having heard other people's experiences) it is possible to try to get a baby into a routine earlier, but equally you can save yourself alot of trouble by not worrying about it too much and letting nature take its course.

MadamePlatypus · 28/02/2007 20:26

The other thing that really helped was a miracle blanket - its basically a swaddling blanket that works. Google them to find out more about them - we got ours from mothercare online.

MINNIE1 · 28/02/2007 20:27

I have a 12 wk old and i to had this problem at 4 wks. My DD would not sleep in the crib! (cost a fortune) She slept in her buggie. I would settle her in the sitting room and wheel her to our room. This worked for a while, then she was waking when DP and i were going to bed. I then decided to put her into her own room to see if she would sleep any better and she did. I also had the bath, bottle and bed thing (still do) and down to bed. At the start i would be like jack in the box in and out pick her up put her down. But now she goes down to bed at 7-8 When i feel she is ready (i don't want her to be sleepy on the bottle) She might wake for a 2-3am feed which is in and out job. I have my evenings and were all happy

All i can say is stick to what your doing and try and settle her in her own room, takes time but well worth it. I try and have 5 feed in the day and one at night.
I do underdtand what your going through its tough on you and DH you both need time for yourselves and it will come.

MINNIE1 · 28/02/2007 20:29

i agree MadamePlatypus with swaddling them helps alot too.

oldnewmummy · 01/03/2007 02:38

Can't claim to be an expert as DS only 8 weeks old, but had very similar experience. From about 5 weeks refused to settle in evenings, and after stressing about it for a few days we decided to go with the flow and let him stay up and cuddle us if he wanted. He's happier, we're happier, and his sleeping is now starting to improve of its own accord.

Having read tons of baby books before DS came along and been very pro-routine, I've now given up and just go with the flow of what he seems to want to do. And he's doing really well, so I'm carrying on with feeding/cuddling/sleeping on demand etc.

Good luck.

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