I hate my baby.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

I think "hate" is the wrong word. I think "resent" is more accurate, although it feels like hate a lot of the time.
He is 5 weeks old. Has CMPA and colic. All he ever does is cry. He will not be put down and hates the sling, which makes life with a toddler as well near on impossible.
Because I spend all day every day in futile attempts to get DS to sleep, DD is getting ignored most of the time, and I can't help but feel we've made her life worse by giving her a sibling
We've just been out for a walk because it's the only way I could get DS to sleep....the second we got in, DD decided to try and pick him up, woke him and then threw a tantrum, so the effort of getting everyone dressed and out for a walk was pointless, as DS is now wide awake again.
I've already been diagnosed with PND, and I feel like that tunnel is just getting darker and longer with no end in sight. I have precious little RL support, and my toddler's near constant tantrums are close to pushing me over the edge.
I just want someone to come and take my kids away

Reflux..... your baby probably has reflux.

Buy a mechanical swing.... NOW. It will save your sanity and his life.

After a feed my babies would scrunch up, wriggle and cry, their only comfort was more bm but this was a vicious cycle. They would also fuss on the breast, quite on and off.

Im not sure I would want a less-than-2 year old picking up a new baby! Especially if he is asleep.
If your DD wants to play babies with you, could you get her a baby doll of her own maybe?

Eggy, call the Welfare office.

They can help. I was a CM on camps, and signed up with the Welfare office.

When I had a free space of a couple of hours, I would take a child in your situation, just to give the mum a break.

They also often have somebody who can come in and just give you a break for an hour.

The Wrlfare Officer is their to help you.

Agree it sounds as if he could have reflux as well. It is horrible. Take him to the GP - there are things that can help.

Do you know anyone that would push the babe out in the pram for an hour so you can have some 1 to 1 with your DD and give you a break from the screaming

sorry to hear you're having a tough time. i just wanted to add that my brother's DD had terrible colic and they took her to the oust who massaged her belly, she did an enormous fart, and never suffered from colic again.

The first 3 months suck, especially when you have other kids. but it will pass.

when it gets really bad you should make sure the kids are safe (even if crying) and take yourself away from it for 10 mins. you need to look after yourself and the kids, not just the kids. and the kids won't remember any of this when they grow up! I just found out that my mum had PND with me, and she was coping with 3 other kids too - and I'm fine and perfectly happy and secure! x

Poor little munchkin - and poor you. It is miserable having an unhappy baby who won't sleep. And with a young and tantrummy toddler as well it's very very very hard.

I don't have many practical suggestions to add to the ones above sorry. I agree with the suggestion to keep pestering the doctors until you find a formula/meds which seem to help. Otherwise, just do whatever it takes to make your life as easy as possible. Don't feel guilty about eg parking your DD in front of the TV or giving her easy meals (even if not the healthiest in the world) - it won't kill her. And don't feel guilty about making her life worse - maybe in the short term that's true (it is for most older siblings!) but fast forward a few months and she will be making him giggle and loving it.

All I can say is that things will improve - I fully understand that feeling of being in an endless tunnel, believe me, but you will come out of it one day. By the time he is 3 or 4 months you will probably see a big difference - he'll either have grown out of the digestive issues or you'll have found the right treatment by then. I know that seems like a very very long time right now but you really just have to survive this period and then it will be better.

Best of luck and a big hug.

I have thought maybe he has reflux. He fussed on his bottle, takes a few sucks, stops and screams. He then alternates between scrunching up and going really ridgid.
I'm sat here right now in tears, literally begging him to stop crying
I can't take this anymore, I just want to run away and never come back

Oh you poor thing my DS was very similar, and I HATED the first 8 weeks. Wanted to go back in time and not have him. After he grew out of colic around 4-5 months life became a lot easier. I sympathise re the CMPA. Ours went undiagnosed until recently and I regret being so easily fobbed off. I don't know much about the special formula as I BF but if he still doesn't seem right do press for something else. I have heard you sometimes need to try a few before you find the right one.
Can I ask what sling you have? I'd say it's more likely that he dislikes the sling you have rather than all slings and if you can find one he likes it could be such a help. It was life changing for me- seriously!- when I went to sling library and found that we both liked the Caboo. He hated both the baby bjorn and the ergobaby i tried when he was tiny.

Try your local church - they will have something running during the week.

Where abouts are you?

It's awful to hear you're so sad

So sorry you're having this difficult time. I had PND and it did feel like a tunnel as you describe. It really helped me when my GP told me I had an illness and was not a failure as I thought (thinking that is part of the PND I think).

Get all the help you can, the situation will improve, you just need to keep going till it does.

Quite honestly it sounds as if you're coping really well, non-stop crying from a baby who is in pain is like a torture, especially when you yourself are ill.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. It's OK to feel like you do. I'm sure you will try the other suggestions (I tried everything when I had a sensitive, highly strung baby!), I just wanted to let you know that other mums are thinking about you and wishing you well.

I felt the same with my second baby. I don't really know how I got through it looking back but I promise you it does get better. Right now, you just need to get through the days, I used to break it down into hours as a day was so overwhelming. It's horrible when nothing seems to help them. For now, you are doing enough just keeping them fed and warm and dry, please don't beat yourself up. Sending hugs.

Oh just saw your latest. Wish I could do more.

It does sound like reflux. We got a prescription for infant gaviscon in the end, although far too late as he was nearly over it by then. What has the GP said?

Have you tried tiger in a tree position, or laying him accross your leg? That often was the only thing that would ease the colic and wind with mine, although risky as mine puked so much too!
Do you think it's silent reflux or is he sick a lot?

Ah sweetheart it does sound like reflux.

I would suggest this:

1. Buy some infant gaviscon, add to feeds and see if that helps. It does work for some babies with reflux (not all).

If that doesn't work:

2. See if you can record the way he behaves during and after feeds and take the video to the GP. Say you think it is reflux and ask for ranitidine.

If that doesn't work:

3. Ask for a referral to a paediatric gastro specialist who can prescribe some stronger meds and maybe run other allergy tests.

Also: Make sure he is vertical for a while after feeds (the BabyBjorn bouncy chair is great for this as it goes really vertical, they are often available second hand). Wind him really really thoroughly. Feed little and often rather than big feeds.

How much is he sleeping in the day and at night? Does he sleep in the buggy?

What formula is he on?

I'm finding it incredibly hard with two -- my youngest is easier than the eldest and I don't have PND, so I can only imagine what you're going through.

TBH it sounds like you're coping way better than you give yourself credit for. Even just getting up and out with two is a massive achievement with two LOs, so please don't be so hard on yourself. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

I'm wondering if you're using the right sling, or if there's a better way you could fit it? The sling really is a godsend for refluxy/CMPA baby AND for a bad sleeper AND for when you have two. Is there a sling library or sling consultant near you? If not, have a look at some YouTube tutorials or search an online sling library like itsaslingthing. I used a connecta and I would quite literally have been completely lost without it.

Other things that helped me: being outside and letting the eldest burn off steam, going to groups or libraries or museums, and letting anyone who even looked vaguely interested in the youngest have a nurse so that I could either rest, get something done, or pay attention to the eldest.

There's some good advice on this thread. But you're exhausted and in a very difficult position.

Yes Shosha's suggestion of the Welfare Office sounds good - if you can find someone who can take your DD out for a few hours here and there that will help a lot. Or who can walk the baby in a sling/pram to get them to nap.

One more thought- is there any money for any help? Mothers help? Maternity nurse? Either for the baby or your toddler? Even occasionally?

If the Welfare Office can't help, homestart offer a similar service. Someone comes to you for a couple of hours and does what you need. Which could simply be holding baby so you can play with DD (or even shower!).

Do you have a room you can shut off, so your toddler can't wake the baby if he sleeps. Get the milk down him the best you can, bring pushchair in the house, wind the baby well, and put it in the pram, rock him to sleep, [hopeful face]

Thats what I used to do, do try singing/music, sometimes they stop crying to listen. If you have a safe secure back garden, you could wrap him up warm, and put him out there, with the rain cover on, sometimes, they sleep better in the fresh air. Sorry if that's not an option.

Its fine to lay him in a cot pushchair for a few minutes, while you grab a quick shower, to make you feel fresh. Have you been given advice about how to time the feeds, have you tried a dummy? holding the dummy gently to his face while he suckles it. Have you tried a sling? He may be comforted by that.

Hang a toy from his car seat handle, to give him something to look at, and give it a push every now and then. Sit him infront of the washing machine, with it on, or a tumble dryer.

This will pass dear lady, i know how hard it can be, i don't think I had more than a nap for first 12 weeks with my 3rd. Just keep trying, your doing much better than you think.

Homestart is wonderful. I have a lady coming once a week to play with my older two or help me take all three children out for a walk or do some chores or just sit and talk. It's really helping me get through this PND. I definitely recommending asking your HV to refer you if there is a service in your area. Or refer yourself; the leader in my area said she never refuses a self-referral, though sometimes they need to refuse HV referrals.

Agree with taking your baby back to the GP to investigate reflux.

Hope you find some respite soon. It is incredibly difficult sometimes, especially when the support isn't there. Be kind to yourself.

Hey Op.

I really can't suggest a mechanical swing enough.... it was the only thing to give me hands free time from DS3. If funds are tight get one from eBay and then resell it. Gumtree might have one too then you can pick it up today.

Just remember your baby is crying because they are in pain, which doesn't make the crying any easier to hear but might help you stop getting angry. A dummy might help as well.

When dd had reflux, undiagnosed for a year, I could just about cope but my older two were at school and pre school, I had to be out in the car (where she screamed most of the time) and do stuff so I had no time just to listen to her roar.

But when I had DS3 I thought I would break, he didn't stop crying or sleep. I used to have to put him down or I would tempted to really squeeze him, then I got the swing and found little pockets of 30 minutes here and there saved my life. Gave me time with DD.