Daughter grounded but it's her best friend birthday ?! !

[Lhigham]

I have grounded my daughter for a month with no phone and she has accepted it as a punishment. She had a party at my house while I was out so in big trouble. The last week of the grounding is her best friend's birthday party meal. Meal and sleepover! Should she still miss them or just do the meal, not sleepover?! Finding it hard to stay strong!

I would let her go. It's not her friends fault.

I would let her go. But be clear it's on probationary terms.

I would let her go too and just extend the grounding a few days instead.

It depends what kind of message that you want to send.

A) that her actions have consequences and she misses enjoyable things because fb her behaviour

Or

B) that it doesn't matter what she does because she'll be grounded in name only but allowed to do special things like go to birthday parties.

My personal opinion is that grounded means grounded, no matter what events have been planned. It may not be a popular opinion but mine is that if you don't set ground rules and stand firm, kids will walk all over you and do whatever they want, especially if there are no repercussions or they know that you won't follow through on a warning.

And no, it's not her friend's fault, but the DD should realise that her actions then have a knock on effect on those around her. That's life. Actions have consequences and it's a lesson in respect and boundaries that she needs to learn imo

I'd let her go. She's not going to suddenly realise the error of her ways because you make her miss out. I think a bit of flexibility is okay in this situation. But I'd really make sure she understands why you are very upset with her.

If it is right at the end of the set period of the grounding I may be swayed towards some time off for good behaviour if she is genuinely remorseful and has accepted the consequences

How good has she been during the grounding?
Does she accept that what she did was wrong?
Has she offered a real apology, or something similar?
Was the purpose just to punish or to rehabilitate?

As tyneteas posted is she genuinely remorse full?

I'd let her go, but add some extra chores in on the last week to make up for it.

If it's the end of the grounding period and she has accepted the punishment up to then, then I would let her go with a warning.

Let her go.

How old are they? Was friend at this party by any chance, I wouldn't be so sure of her innocence if so. She needs to behave exemplary in the meantime and I wouldn't allow the sleepover if she's grounded.

I'd do meal not sleepover

I was all a grounding is a grounding when mine were younger but if a birthday came up then i let them go no sleepovers though

Thanks everyone. I think she is really really sorry genuinely for what she did. She had already missed loads of things due to the grounding so I think she is getting the message. I agree it's not her friend's fault which is why I was torn. I think I will let her do the meal but no sleepover, that way she is still aware her actions had consequences.

Grounding means grounding. No parties.

A month is a long time in teen years its a lifetime think the most i grounded for was a fortnight you are a hard mummy

I wouldn't let her go - if that's the punishment you have given then that should be what the punishment is!

As the rest of the month she's being punished I would make an exception stating it's for the friend's benefit. I remember being grounded at 18 & missing my friend's 18th party despite begging my parents to make an exception to that ad it was a big function. I not only missed out but had the guilt of letting her down too. 20 years later I'm still gutted when it comes up in conversation (rarely but still!)

Lhigham, that sounds like a plan.
Do have a word before she goes, re time keeping !

I was grounded at 17/18 i was bloody working full time and grounded they were ridiculously strict not with my younger sister though she could do no wrong

Urm ermm wrong thread

I'm another who thinks grounding is grounding

For those saying it's not her best friends fault.....was the best friend not at this party your daughter threw? Did she know you were out at the time? I'm guessing the best friend was fully aware, letting your daughter off is sending the wrong message to everyone involved.