is it abnormal to not take advantage of free child care in your area?

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

I have two DD'S (20mo and 2mo).

Obviously they are quite close in age and I planned it that way.

Anyway since before DD2 was even born, whenever a mum asks DD1s age they say to us "Oo off to nursery soon!". I don't know when free childcare starts for everyone. For us it is 3yo but I'm assuming it can be 2yo (or less, I actually have no idea).

Now I don't know if my intentions change as DD1 turns 3 but atm I have always felt that I will probably be a SAHM full time until perhaps 4yo. I'm not sure yet. I take them to toddler groups and DD1 starts baby ballet soon so it's not like she is missing out on social interaction with other children but I am not joking in that it seems I'm almost judged for wanting to do this and not take advantage of the free childcare when the time comes. I will LOVE it apparently. I'm not keen on sending DD1 away while her little sis stays home with me. I don't judge nor care if other mums have one at nursery and the other home. Or even just have one DC and use childcare whilst they stay home and get things done etc. Everyone's lifestyle and desires are different. So why do so many mums seem shocked that I'm not counting down the days until I can send her off to nursery for free?

It's the same for my friend and her 3.5yo. I just find it bizzare. God forbid anyone that might say to them that they home school!

Maybe it's just the area I live in?!

You know all those lovely 1:1 activities you did with your PFB? That helped her developmentally, and were lovely bonding activities and great fun? Don't you want to do similar with your second born? Doesn't she deserve some 1:1 time with you too?

As people have said - it is not childcare. Pre -school is for them! I felt sad about it in some ways for myself - but my son thrived - it is nothing like doing baby ballet or playgroups - they are on their own with adults who are not family and a group of children who become their close friends.

It is really realy lovely to see them grow and develop relationships with children that are not mediated by adults all the time.

It would be actually very unfair on a child to keep them at home until they are 4 - school would be a horrible shock! 9 till 3 every day with 30 kids and one teacher - brutal! The pre school hours offer a gentle socialisation and development - with more adult/ child ratio but a way for them to start being used to being without their parent in a group setting.

A 3 year old is absolutely nothing like a 20 month old.

I hve a 4 year old and 2 year old. I can't believe in a year my baby will be at nursery - but I know from experience that she will transform over the next year and will get so much from a couple of hours a day at pre school.

Well like I said before I haven't made any decisions and still have a while to go but I must admit I am leaning more towards the pre-school at 3 rather than not at all.

I don't think it will have an impact on the development of my youngest though if DD1 stays with us all day until then. DD1 enjoys playing independently so I already have lots of bonding time with my 2mo and same when DP come home from work which luckily is before 5.

Thanks for the eye opening responses. I have definitely learnt something from this post.

waterrat

So the parents on here who have said that their children didn't go at all and managed to start school fine, sometimes more sociable and academically in front, have been unfair to their children. Right in what way?

Agree with bertie, people saying it's needed to get them ready for school, well what gets them ready for preschool?

If they're not going to be ready at 4/5, why put them through it at 3!

Each child is different and spending time with parents is not necessarily a bad thing.

My ds is also 20m and I am one of these mums counting down until he can start nursery.
My situation slightly different to you though I work 4 days a week and I can't afford to send him to private nursery so he's with grandparents a lot. He does go to play groups twice a week and has a cousin similar age aswell as older siblings so he's very social and good at interacting with other children. I just feel he will benefit more at pre school than our current situation of being passed around the family.
Every family situation is different do what suits you not what suits others.

Ok gillybeanz fair point. I would personally find it very unusual if someone chose to turn down the couple of hours a day and wait until they have to be going 9 till 3.

My son who loved pre school which was very gentle and child focused has still found the school day very full on.

I thought early years education is based on benefit for the child . Being realistic school is pretty relentless snd the adult child ratio is very low considering how young the kids are. I prefer a more gradual start through pre school.

I am a SAHM, 11month old baby and 2.11 toddler. When my son just turned 2 I wasn't that fussed about him waiting til 3 for his childcare hours. However, he's approaching 3 so qualifies for his 15hours and will start nursery in January and he is so ready for it. It will be so good for him to go and I can't wait because I know he will get so much out of it. There is a world of difference between a 20 month old who is content to play alone at home and a 3 year old who needs to develop their social skills within their peer group.

"If they're not going to be ready at 4/5, why put them through it at 3!"

This logic is so strange that it sounds like something the Cheshire Cat would say.

For one thing, you can work up to nursery classes in a way you can't with school. You can sit with them, pick them up early if you want to, or not take them on at all for a bit if they seem overwhelmed.

For another, habits that are still malleable at 3 will be much more ingrained at 4 or 5.

Does that really need spelling out?!

I got chased up three times for not taking up the two year old nursery place! Was quite intrusive as they door stopped me twice - I wasn't in and got left a calling card. I explained I didn't want the place and dd would go later but they just seemed incredulous that I wouldn't take it.

As it happened I didn't take up the three year old place either but no one seemed to notice about that.

DD is fine, very able and her speech is great. I wouldn't feel pressured into going or not going, different strokes etc...

As a SAHM you might well have spent more or less all your time with your DDs. That means by the time they're 3 you'll know exactly what they're saying, what their likes and dislikes are and be able to anticipate everything they want almost before they know themselves. In a nursery setting, they're there without you so they have to learn to make themselves understood by another adult, listen to instructions, be part of a group and generally manage without you for a short time. It's also lots of fun doing new things and playing with all the toys they have.

DeadGood I love the Cheshire Cat, so I'll take that as a compliment

I kind of wish I'd kept DD home for longer. I put her in to get time with DS and I do definitely think it created jealousy issues.

Did she enjoy it? Yes, sometimes, and no, not other times.

Did she need it? Of course not.

Such varying opinions! My little girl is 3.5 and recently started at pre-school. She did not enjoy it one bit, she said it was boring and she missed me. I work from home so I am able to keep her with me until she is ready to go. As others have said, they are going to spend so long in the education system you may as well cherish these early years where she will learn so much from you and how you interact with others. We also go to lots of playgroups places where there are lots of children to play with. She is so confident and self-assured, it makes me realise I am completely doing the right thing for us.

Another thing to consider is whilst children are entitled to free childcare the term after they are 3, there often aren't spaces until September when some of the children move on to school, so depending on when your child's birthday is they could be nearly 4 anyway.

I think you do what suits each child at the time, it's lovely to be able to have the choice.
It's bollocks that you impair their education by not starting them early (unless you are really crap;)

You can use a Playschool as a stepping stone instead of you want some acclimatisation time for them but children today can also be like us old codgers were and just developmentally ready for school when the time came.

I would also think about future friendships. We have a preschool next to our village primary school. Most of the children in the village go there and both parents and children form strong friendships. Dd didn't go to the preschool and it took a few years for her to feel fully integrated.