is it abnormal to not take advantage of free child care in your area?

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

I have two DD'S (20mo and 2mo).

Obviously they are quite close in age and I planned it that way.

Anyway since before DD2 was even born, whenever a mum asks DD1s age they say to us "Oo off to nursery soon!". I don't know when free childcare starts for everyone. For us it is 3yo but I'm assuming it can be 2yo (or less, I actually have no idea).

Now I don't know if my intentions change as DD1 turns 3 but atm I have always felt that I will probably be a SAHM full time until perhaps 4yo. I'm not sure yet. I take them to toddler groups and DD1 starts baby ballet soon so it's not like she is missing out on social interaction with other children but I am not joking in that it seems I'm almost judged for wanting to do this and not take advantage of the free childcare when the time comes. I will LOVE it apparently. I'm not keen on sending DD1 away while her little sis stays home with me. I don't judge nor care if other mums have one at nursery and the other home. Or even just have one DC and use childcare whilst they stay home and get things done etc. Everyone's lifestyle and desires are different. So why do so many mums seem shocked that I'm not counting down the days until I can send her off to nursery for free?

It's the same for my friend and her 3.5yo. I just find it bizzare. God forbid anyone that might say to them that they home school!

Maybe it's just the area I live in?!

I found it got a bit ridiculous. One person told me I should put DS into private nursery "to get him used to" the idea before he went to nursery. Which, of course, you're supposed to use to "get them used to" the idea of school.

I think most people use it. And I did use preschool. But it's certainly not compulsory and if you don't want to, it's perfectly fine not to. FWIW DS, previously the shyest most anxious child, absolutely loved it and used to wave me off without a wobble!

Worth noting - one primary school in the area I lived had an extremely slow and gentle settling in period because of the fact a large amount of their demographic wouldn't have attended pre-school. The primary school DS was going to go to didn't, because 99% of the children attending had been to the attached pre-school which was actually mixed with the reception class, the only difference being that reception children stayed the whole day and the preschoolers stayed just for the morning.

We've only just started getting free child care at 3 but dd2 has been in nursary for the past nine months that we paid for two afternoons a week as she was very clingy to me and quite anti social even though we did groups most mornings. It's was getting an issue when people even came to visit dd2 would get really upset.

Any who... We were very lucky that we found a brilliant nursery - so much so that when the time came she could go to a school nursary or stay put - we choose to stay put.

I've found that dd2 going nursary has helped with social interactions, her seperation anxiety from me and she gets to do other things I wouldn't think of doing. Also they have this fab app that I can log in to to see photos of her during her sessions.

She really loves it. She also does ballet and swimming so she has quite an active schedule!

I'm due in a few weeks with dd3 so I'm going to keep dd2 of for a couple of weeks untill she gets bored and then she can go back to nursary when she is ready - as she will miss her friends.

Its totally down to you and your child but I'd try it and see it they enjoy it!

It's definitely the norm around where I live for children to go to nursery once they're eligible for the free hours. Not everyone takes the full 15 hours, but I can't think of anyone I know who's done no nursery at all for their DC.

Both my DC enjoyed nursery - they get to do lots of different things, plus they're learning about mixing with other children, and the social skills needed for reception.

It's strange that you describe their reactions as shocked I suppose. But perhaps having sent their own children to nursery and seeing how much they've enjoyed it, they can't see why you wouldn't.

For me, my child has come on leaps and bounds since starting nursery. He absolutely loves it, his speech has come along wonderfully, his confidence has soared and he really values that time with his peers. I have no worries at all about him settling into school when the time comes. I love seeing how happy he is when I pick him up. Don't get me wrong, I don't think be unhappy had he never been, and yes I took/take him to play groups etc but it just isn't the same experience for them.
It is 100% for their benefit, not yours. It's not for all children, but it's worth a try, IMO. It'll give you a chance for one on one time with your youngest too, which is valuable.

I'd echo the "it's for them, not for you" sentiment. If you find a good preschool, it's definitely early years education rather than childcare, if you see what I mean. Plus - as my DD's nursery teacher said to me - because it is the norm and so many children have experience of an institutional setting, it helps them settle in to nursery year at school, which in turn makes Reception a breeze. It just gets them used to being with a lot of other children (some of whom they may not like!) It's by no means compulsory though!

OP do you take them to playgroups and let them socialise at all?

Where I live it's not 'free childcare', we have a certain number of hours 'free' early years education.

I packed DS1 off to preschool when he was 3 and had newborn DS2 at home. He was absolutely ready to start leaning and where we live we have to pay for it, there are no free hours.

I also loved that I had the one on one time with DS2, just as DS1 had when he was born.

You'll make the best decision for your family when the time comes, and that's about all you need to say to people who ask.

It's not free childcare

It's free early years education as research has shown that the early yeas are extremely important, that's why it's called the foundation stage

It is for the child's benefit. Not yours

Yes minipie I believe you are right about the misleading.

OP, it's not unusual here. There are a lot of sahp's or those working pt at night when their dh are at home, so not requiring childcare.
Mine are older now but for us it wasn't a consideration as we could provide an excellent pre school education ourselves.
They had plenty of friends as we met up with all the others who didn't go to nursery or pre school.
I do think that socialising with friends is important during that last year before school, but you don't need a managed group setting for this.
I can report all 3 started school with no problems and in general were at the same level as others, the 3 r's were considerably in front, but the others soon caught up.

Yes I think there are some people who like to talk about it that way - as if it's all about getting their child off their hands.

Same with school in fact. There will be some people saying "ooh I can't wait till they start school, think of all that lovely time I'll have" - doesn't mean the govt is providing school for the SAHM's benefit!

Against the grain here. 3 children, never in nursery/pre school and nothing wrong with their social skills

But I was asked again and again when they would go to nursery, and were always shocked that they wouldn't. Even the lady down our road who takes her DD kicking and screaming to nursery - insists she is doing the right thing for her

All families are different, your choices, your children. But there is a pressure of sorts to do the nursery route.

It's not the only way though

I would find it odd for someone not to send their child to pre-school, unless they intended to home Ed.

Having said that, I wouldn't put DS straight in for 30 hours as the 15 hours for preschool has been ample for DD, unless I need to for work. Which, as a SAHP you don't need to. But as a single working parent I might need to when the time comes.

So to sum up! Not sending them to pre-school at all would be odd it helps them get ready for school, but how many hours they go for you'd expect to vary according to the needs of the child/family.

I wouldn't find it remotely shocking and I'm surprised so many would be surprised.

I dont think I know a single person who didnt put their kids in nursery at least some of the time. I knew quite a few with kids your age who were unsure though. a lot changes developmentally at that age
I think the 'shock' is something else though. there is a theme of 'thank god kids are back at school' which is similar eg cant wait to get rid of them. its almost unforgiveable to be the smug 'i love having kids at home' type sometimes.

Gizmo. Yes. I stated in my post I take her to toddler time which is basically singing and stories and then a long play time for the toddlers to interact with one another. Plus other similar groups involving messy and soft play. I feel like you haven't read my post properly as this is the second comment you've made which I find rather irrelevant. I don't know. Perhaps your picking.

It's good to hear such positive comments about pre-school. Hopefully I can find a good one when DD1 reaches perhaps 3 and if we decide to go down that route.

It's also equally good to hear from the mums who haven't and that it didn't affect their children.

Dd didn't go to any nursery/daycare/crèche/childminder/preschool until 3.5 and walked in without a backwards glance because she was excited and ready to go. She's now at school and incredibly independent and thriving socially. You really don't need to send them any earlier to stop them from being clingy and make them sociable; toddler groups, classes and parental interaction are more than sufficient.

I agree that it's harder to find 3-4 year olds at groups though so would say that preschool is beneficial for that reason. No reason to start with all 15hrs though.

The other thing I thought was good about preschool was they did activities which I wasn't very good at doing at home (eg potato printing, making biscuits and decorating them - you may be better at this than I was!) as well as things you couldn't replicate at home (eg doing a little Christmas concert where they all sang and danced together). They also follow the EYFS curriculum that runs through Nursery and Reception, so it's interesting to have a professional evaluation of what milestones within it your child has reached. I think we were really lucky with the one my DDs went to. Definitely worth looking round one or two and talking to the leaders - I expect you'd be able to go and visit and see them "in action" if you were interested.

No reason to start with all 15hrs though

Good point. My DDs' preschool did 9-12 every day as core hours, plus a lunch session and afternoon play (bit like most school nurseries). Here they said a minimum of 2 mornings (they felt that one meant it was too disjointed and unsettling for the child), but there was no compulsion to go every day, or to use the 15 hours. We did every morning, so 15 hours - but others used the afternoon for childcare, so would do 2 or 3 full days (hence there were often spaces for a few morning sessions). I'm sure you could try it and build up the hours if your DD responded well to it.

As some previous posters have mentioned your DD could be the only over 3 at some toddler groups if lots of children do morning Mon-Fri. One group I went to didn't allow over threes.

A good friend of mine has two DC with a 2 year gap. She was intending to home ed so eldest never went to preschool. Friend couldn't cope with DC1 so she went into foundation. The lack of preschool didn't hold her back but her DC2 was very behind with language skills due to a domineering older sibling always being at home. DC2 was in preschool 4 days a week before he was 3, partly to help his speech delay and also because my friend had had enough by that stage.

I know this judgemental but I felt sorry for her younger one who never got undivided attention or a word in.

If your younger older DD is upset about your younger child being at home without her you just explain that sibling will go too once they are big enough.

Anyway, just smile and nod and make your own decision nearer the time.

I think you may find it useful to rethink language like "sending her away". It would be useful for parents using childcare as well, if one had less of the "sending away" in everyday talk. Very very subtle things but they add up.

Last word from me (as I'm now beginning to sound like I'm some preschool obsessive!), but you may find your older DD loves going off to do some "big girl" stuff. Mine did. Then - when she went to school, which was a bit of a trauma for her little sister - little sister got her turn to be a big girl at preschool and "go to school" as well. Remember too that it's not like school, in that if you do want to have a day off/have a day out, then you can do so (it's obviously courteous to inform them and you won't get a refund for the missed saison, but it's not the rigid "need to go" of school proper).

Be led by your DD. Children do not have to go to a group setting to learn how to be sociable. Some love it though.