absolute massive meltdown in dd 4 right now - what will i do

[hermykne]

she has lost it completely, she wanted her dodi, which she doesnt get until bed. is just home from school had her lunch and was calm, then asked for it i said no and she went beserk - so beserk i have never seen the like.
she then scrabbed me and screamed like a complete nut.
now in her room, door locked (not done at all) but time out on step staris wasnt working
the screaming is still going

Don't you think it makes her worse knowing she has been locked in.
Leave the door open but let her know she isn't allowed out past the door way.
Has she calmed down yet ?

My DD (nearly 4) does this occasionally. We leave her until she's calm then go in have a cuddle etc but also tell her its NOT acceptable behaviour even if she is tired/cross/hungry/etc
Hang on in there, if you waver she will learn that a meltdown is just what is needed to get your own way. Horrible though isn't it, you have my sympathy.

heavenis i dont htink thats what crosses her mind at all in theee, she just wants the dodi

i wnet in - mcu to dh teeling me not too

so i got her onto the bed and calmed her with a story about the dummy fairy (thanks CD ) and my sister when she was little with her dodi and my mum. it worked but shes lieing in there now, sobbing, doors not locked.

here she comes...

went out and we had a chat in the car. nothing happened at school. shes never seen srabbing there or slapping. so she just had an outburst because she told me she was tired. but she hasnt slept and is now happily playing a school game with ds.

my friend was here at the time and her ds who goes to the same class as mine, and maybe that kink in the normal day routine set her off....

Glad its over.

Its really annoying that they completely forget about it and your still stewing isn't it?
Glass of wine tonight methinks

My 4.8 yr old ds is like this atm. Started full time school in Jan.

They are exhausted I think.

And 4.5 is far too old for dummy imo.

Poor you - we had both of these at the same time from different children, so you have my complete sympathy from getting it from the same child. We had complete meltdowns from DS when he started 5 morning a week school: he is the nicest natured, sweetest boy imaginable and he would periodically be beside himself with rage and frustration. Also complete meltdowns from DD re dummy when we decided she was just getting too old for it: like you I didn't really have much of an issue about it at night time only, but we were getting a huge degree of creep to in the mornings/when in the car etc and we put our foot down.

Re the dummy, we did a build up to the dummy fairy for about a week, discussed she was now a big girl etc, and got her the twinkliest, shiniest, ghastliest my little pony you can imagine: best fiver I have ever spent. Was dreading it and we had a bit of murmuring but nothing like as bad as I thought. Think the build up to it is important.

Re the meltdowns from DS, they did pass and fairly quickly, but you do have to ride them out. Easier said than done, but I think the best is not to let them escalate. I can remember getting into a real shouting match with DS who was being extremely obstinate and disobedient and then suddenly thinking "what am I doing - the poor little thing is only 4". I backed down (but did not give in IYSWIM), and he sat in my lap and sobbed and sobbed for about 20 mins. I think they do get really really tired from conforming, behaving and learning new things - and unfortunately it doesn't manifest itself in them saying "actually, mum, I really need an early night" but in this sort of behaviour.

Good luck

oh anchovy thanks for that.
i feel terrible still Feetheart and youre right it lingers with us not them.
northerner i agree totally 4.5 is too old for dummy but i let it go on what can i say. its gone today was the breaking point. and she'll have it to go to sleep
as anchovy says we are going to work on the fairy coming for it over the next week or so and maybe get rid of it totally.

anchovy - i have had a shouting match with her before and realised the same thing so i do now speak quite low and calmly to her whereas DH roars and that exacerbates their reaction . he doesnt get my method thus we end up arguing... another saga.

glass of wine totally needed in this instance feetheart

Actually, Hermykne, I agree with you re not shouting. I'm not really a shouter but I can be a bit direct (like I'm in the office, so to speak). My mum was a real shouter - had been a primary school teacher, and I'm nowhere near on the same scale. When DS and I were having a chat after one of his meltdowns he said that he didn't like it when I shouted, and that it made him scared. I was really gobsmacked by that and it really pulled me up. So I really concentrate on keeping my voice low, and being very direct with DS - shouting just isn't the way to handle him.

(DD, on the other hand, needs to be shouted at to convince her I'm actually serious...!)

Oh you poor thing, it's awful when they do this isn't it? Funnily enough I was toying with the idea of starting the very same post this evening.

DD (4.1) had a complete and utter screaming, spitting, hitting, throwing meltdown about bubbles in the bath.

I tried to nip it in the bud by explaining calmly about the bubbles, giving her a choice of bath or no bath & bed and then counting to 3. She ignored me totally and went ballistic.

When she started to spit I just carried her into her bedroom and explained it wasn't on and that I'd come back when she calmed down.

After a few minutes I went back in, offered cuddles and we made up. She stayed in her room though and went to bed early (cuddling little miss trouble ).

It was all very confusing though, as she apparently had a sleep during the day so should be less tired than usual. I think it might be an adjustment to moving up a class at pre-school (start of new school year here).

I've seen her do it before, so I was a bit more prepared. The first time I ended up in a crying heap feeling a complete failure.

As everybody else says, I would get rid of the dummy. Dummy fairy was very effective here - posted all to fairy and a present was left behind. Take the first step! Then you can have meltdowns about bubbles instead

deffo big cuddle now

then bin dummy ASAP

well whining about the dummmy to day.
she got it a bedtime last ngiht, so day 2 - stressful. but we're working on the dummy fairy (she told me there is no such thing , the cheeky monkey!), and a trip to ELC might help her focus on the treat if she posts it away at the weekened.
god it would be great to see it gone.

Just wanted to add that my ds used to have huge meltdowns over what seemed like nothing. They went on for ages and really upset me. It was awful.

Anyway our homeopath gave him a remedy 3 months ago and he's only had 1 episode since.

Fabaroonie!!

Got a new prescription for it yesterday.