DH isn't bonding with DD (6 months) is there anything I can do to help them?

[entropy]

My dh hasn't bonded with our dd. he works a long way away (something we know we need to change but easier said than done) and when he is at home he feels his time is precious and doesn't want to waste it doing things he doesn't like. Being with dd falls into this catagory. He says he wants to want to spend time with her but he always feels like now is not the right time.... I have tried to force the issue but end up with a resentful dh and a distressed dd if I throw them together. when I try to do things as a family he always manages to do all the hands off stuff.

She has feeding "issues" so its not easy for him or anyone else to feed her. he can't get her to sleep, she just cries for me. He has a bad back so he can't do bath time and he finds sitting on the floor to play with her uncomfortable......

he isn't used to babies (but then again nor was I) in fact his family are a bunch of baby haters! he has been brought up to believe that having a crying baby in a public place is unacceptable and inconsiderate!! so I am having to work against years of indoctrination. He thinks everything will be ok when she is older but what I am worried about is that by then dd and I will be so used to him living on the edge of our lives that it will be too late to let him back in.

I know I can't change things, it has to come from him, but if anyone has any helpful suggestions we would appreciate them. he isn't happy with the way things are at the moment and I don't know how to help.

Does your daughter absolutely have to go to GOS - isn't there a hospital nearer where she would receive adequate treatment?

It sounds like you moved for the right reasons - but it has backfired. She doesn't see her dad, he is stressed and miserable, his depression means he has no empathy with her cries and takes them personally. His immunity is low (hence the flu).

Travelling to London every day must be massively expensive (I know how much my 6 zone travel card was!) so a massive pay cut would be relative. If he carries on like this he will not be able to work anyway, he'll burn out.

my sight is very poor because of the care I recieved at the local hospital when I was a baby. I know things have come a long way in 30+ years but she is being treated at moorfields and GOS jointly and is getting fantastic care so I don't want to risk moving it.

tbh it doesn't feel like moving was the right thing to to at the moment. hopefully that will change when dh feels better. I miss the freedom I had in london though and I don't expect that to change anytime soon. public transport here is awful! (and not pushchair friendly )

we are hoping that dh will be able to put his CV together whilst he is off. Even with the huge cost of the season ticket we are 10k better off with him commuting but he needs to work closer to home to be happy,

He needs to work closer to home for you all to be happy.

I understand what you mean about the hospital - I would go to the end of the country if it meant that ds got even slightly better treatment for his allergies.

Without being rude - couldn't he have sorted out the CV on one of those 2 hour train rides!

thats what I've been asking him for weeks apparently he can't think properly on the trains. I think he finds writing his CV a little daunting, I'm no expert (and blind and dyslexic!) but I'm hoping I can help him with it somehow.

He needs to take the day off and sort out his CV, which may mean paying someone to help him (if only to make sure he does it!)

He can at least get the factual bits sorted out whilst he is home with the flu. After all his qualification etc. should be relatively easy to get down.