What to do with perpetually smelly teenage boy?

[Pollyanna9]

I'm reaaalllyyyyyyy beginning to get utterly fed up with DS now age 17.

He NEVER washes. He NEVER brushes his teeth.

I keep waiting for something to happen and he will suddenly realise the need not to stink, but nothing's happened yet. And I'm getting fed up with waiting.

People have said ah but when he gets interested in girls you won't get him out the shower but tbh, no girl would want him as his breath is so fetid, I doubt any girls would come near him.

I'd like to give him time but honestly, when he opens his bedroom door he absolutely stinks out the whole house.

I was really livid with him last year when he started sixth form. They insist on business attire and because he's a fairly small lad I had to get him one made (and bloomin' Next were out of stock). I said to him, this was an expensive outlay for me so I expect you to wash and keep yourself really clean. Well he didn't and the suit ended up being stinking BO laden garment that really needed burning.

So I have no intention of buying him any clothes at all for college because it will be just the same old thing again.

I'm ready to accuse myself of being weak although I've tried to follow what the majority have said which is just wait and he'll change. But he isn't changing and I actually find it disrespectful of others to not clean your teeth and wash to make sure you don't smell.

So what you guys done and what worked for you - just a massive bollocking, turning off the broadband until a full bath and hair wash (and teeth clean) was carried out, what? Did you just get tough or did something just happen and it changed and if so, at what age??

[llhj]

If he can't go to the corner shop by himself at 17, then you have a major issue. Is he depressed? Anxious? Would he benefit from a Camhs referral?

[Pollyanna9]

No, you know llhj, he's quite happy in the limits that he's set on his life. I just don't think he's ready to proceed further yet at this time with expanding his social remit.

I've certainly decided for this coming year at his new college that he's switched to that I am, literally, going to have to leave him to it. If he makes mistakes and fails, then it'll be on him. I haven't got the energy to try and carry him through two further years of A levels like I attempted to support and guide him through GCSEs and sixth form - his dad was effin' useless with that.

I said to his dad well over a year ago, you've got to start doing things with him that stretch him then if we both do it, we'll probably start helping him to widen his horizons. So he had him wash his car when he was at his having contact - totally missing the point that doing activities at his dad's house wasn't really what I had intended! I meant take him somewhere and make him go up to the counter and buy what he wants, that kind of thing. It's like talking to a brick wall though so anything I do with DS, doesn't carry the weight of the both of us unfortunately.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

How did it go last night OP? Was it a real shower? Did he say anything?

[Pollyanna9]

Yes, he did a real shower!!!

However, today I took him to pick up results and enrol at college and once again the car was filled with the stench of uncleaned teeth (yes, I did include 'clean your filthy teeth') in my detailed instructions and checked he had toothpaste and a decent brush.

So I've just shoved him in the direction of the bathroom again and instructed him to scrape his teeth with a dental tool then clean them with the new toothbrush he now has and to remove the smell because it's disgusting to be anywhere near him and that his breath smells like a badger's arse.

I will keep you updated on progress going forward!

Still hate it that I've got to police him like a bloody baby at the age of 17 though.

[MyBreadIsEggy]

At least the shower was a breakthrough!!
Have you tried removing the wifi cables from the box/his xbox before he gets up in the morning, and then don't put them back in until he's had a shower and brushed his teeth? That might force him to do it every day so he can get back to his Xbox with minimal fuss!

[Pollyanna9]

I like your thinking MyBread, like your thinking......

Anyhoo, I've got a week's break whilst he's on holiday with his dad. Let the French people of Normandy flare their nostrils at his aroma, see how they like it!!

[sadie9]

You've tried threats, yes?
Make an appointment for a dental hygienist to have his teeth cleaned and checked. That should take care of that.
I don't get mine any lunch until they have had a shower.
Then just nagging, threats, nagging, more threats, etc.
When mine go without breakfast for hours etc I threaten a trip to the GP to look at diet and lifestyle advice - healthy eating and sleep patterns etc. With the old 'if you won't listen to me you might listen to them'..