Thinking about going for a third ... persuade or dissuade me!

[halcat]

I have a DD aged 4 and a DS aged 19 months. Life is getting easier by the day, job just getting interesting again and I'm reluctant to go back to the sleepless nights etc plus I wouldn't mind never having to give birth again. BUT I have always wanted 3 children and think it would be great in the longer term. Those of you with 3, tell me how it is! Should I go for it? How long is the tricky bit? And is it much harder than having 2?

Total personal choice - had conversation yesterday about the same thing as I'm very concerned about 'middle children syndrome'! Aunty was involved who has been a childminder for over 25yrs and she said that you can always tell a middle child?

The older one gets lots of praise because they are able to help - the little one gets lots of praise because they are achieving new skills and the middle one - well they're just the middle one!?

LOL

if youre on here talking about it.... chances are you've decided. you'll cope because people do.

We have a boy of 5, a girl of 3 and a boy of 19 months. 2 and 3 are quite close together as we had planned on having four children. 3 is a lot harder than 2 but for us it was all about timing. I had a new baby born in the June and my eldest started school in the Spetember, so we had a lot of new things to contend with at once. My girl is the middle one but she gets it because she is the only girl. Though we treat them all the same as much as possible. I wouldn't be without my third. Two just didn't feel enough. I wouldn't say it was any easier at all than having 2!!!

oh me too, ds is nearly 6 and dd is 19 months. Would love a 3rd but like you say, we have sleeping children etc now, do we really want to do it to ourselves. DH keeps blowing hot and cold on the idea - if he would say 'yes, definitely, let's go for it' then I would be there, but I'm not sure I want it enough to really really work on him.

I want 3 but DH is happy at 2 because

1. you have 2 hands one for each child
2. 2 is enough
3. we're getting back a semblance of life and in a couple of years they'll both be at school
4. there's no way if we did have to do private education we'd be able to send 3 to private secondary
5. I didn't have easy pregnancies and he'd have to pick up the pieces again
6. I'm no spring chicken you know
7. oh give it a rest .. 2 is enough

well you see ...

As a middle child - I think the syndrome is worse if your children are all of the same sex. To THIS DAY if I say "ohmygod I will be (insert age)" my Mum ALWAYS replies "that means my baby will be ...

I have actually stopped saying it. I am never the first to do anything (except loose my virginity and I'm not boasting about that to my Mum) and I will never be the last.

My husband and I stopped at 2 children, as once you add another child or more then you have to start realising that most things are geared for a family of 4, like the extra roll out bed in the hotel room or the fact that you can't go on a theme park ride with your parents without one child waiting for their turn etc etc family tickets are for 2 adults and 2 children.

Also agree with Twiglett on the whole I can hold both their hands in future when crossing a road, when we are somewhere really busy I can watch one child and my DH can watch the other. It all sounds incredibly practical and dull!!!!

Good luck with your decison

Am waiting for a post which tells us when the "tricky bit" ends. Can confirm that it's not in the first 3 years of having 3. am still waiting for that "great in the longer term" feeling....

As a sibling in a three children household and having compared notes with all people I know that have or were part of a set of 3 sibling my advice is... avoid number 3, get 2 or ..... 4 instead!

Actually I liked being the middle one of 3 children, so I think 3 can be a good number for the children. My 3 dds get on well and play together welll with noone systematically left out.

it's just a bit of a slog for the parents.

I'm in the middle and i have 3 DC , but my middlie gets extra special attention from me beacuse i know what it's like

lurk.....

Highly recommend having 3.
Mine are now 8, 7 and 3.
Sibling rivalry less intense (if they're fed up with one, at least they've got another to play with).
Third one just slotted in, really. Much less stressful than going from 1 to 2.
More fun all round, definitely
Only downsides are not having 3 arms, having to have a bigger car, holidays costing a fortune - and sheer impossibility of all 3 being round at friends' at the same time!

Totally agree with Porpoise. I have three 7, 5 & 4 - to summerise, three times the joy, three times the work.

They are their own little gang - I wouldn't change it for the world.

"much less stressful than going from 1 to 2"
I hope you are right porpoise, I am due in 6 days with no.3 and I have a 6 yr old and a 21 month old. really happy to be having a third just scared about how to juggle them

Funny that you mention that Foxtrot, I tend to have a soft spot for middle children... maybe because I recognise the pattern in the relationships with parents and sibblings...

Just last week, a friend of mine who has three was complaining about the middle one's likelyhood of becoming the school bully. Just minutes before that, her older child had finished her packet of crisps, she just went and took the packet middle one was eating, and when middle one complained, mum fell on him like a pile of bricks, not noticing that her other child was the one bullying the middle one.

The other day I saw it outside my house, 5 year old middle one doing the monkey manages to annoy his 10 year old brother who goes and smack middle one on the face. Mum tells off, lightly, older one and proceeds to smack middle one for causing all that trouble. [rolls eyes]

To say that these happen in everyhousehold would be an unfair generalisation, but for some reason, older one gets all the attention (or all the responsability) being the one experiencing all the new things, younger one will always be perceived as the baby of the family... Middle one is just a blurr in the middle. So, if you decide to have 3, pay special attention to the very particular characteristics and needs of each of them.

you never get holidays for 5

2 adults
3 kids

even numbers are cheaper when flying - should you ever want to go abroad again.

you could have twins

you get a 'middle child' you know how much therapy that needs. whinging " i was ignored for 18 years" blah de blah.

when they are teenagers, whether you have 2,3,4,5 kids they wont like you anyway.

if you stay at two you can only fuck up two children.

if both are academically inclined you may be able to sned both to university - have you rally any idea how much each kid costs - you better hope for 'builder'

just when you think its all o'er and your breathing a sigh of relieve, you will get grandchildren and your kids will expect you to babysit x3 - and if each kid has 2 kids thats 6 kids your babysitting for.

Oh, how exciting, TrinityRhino!
Best of luck with it all - three's great, honest!

God, never thought about future babysitting, custardo.

If you become like my parents and their friends, you will be lobbying for more grandchildren so you can boast about how many you have. My parents still havn't forgiven their friends for trumping them with a great-grandchild

Things you can't do as easily with 3:

Weekends away. not many people want to have 3 extra small children for the weekend. even devoted grannies and competent sisters blanche at the prospect.

Holidays. with one child we backpacked around Hong Kong and Australia. with two we went to Spain and Germany. With 3 we just don't really bother with going on holiday at all. and we were holidaytravelophiles before children.

not trying to put you off. but it's not always that easy having 3, compared to 2.

Three is the Magic Number

and we manage several trips away each year...nowhere exotic but that's not important.

I am 16+1wks pg with number 3 and excited..
My DD is 10 and DS 2..
Looks like we are having to change the car though so that three can fit comfotably oin the back (two car seats and a booster..)

Going from 1 to 2 was easy. 2 to three was not.

dd2 is 11 months, and sadly we have sort of realised that 3 might finish us off. Never say never, but we can't afford to upgrade everything - car, house etc.

We can only just cope with the workload at the moment.

But this is why I wanted 3 (or 4 or 5 or 6?):

I grew up as one of 5 children, and I loved it. It was like the Waltons, and I honestly grew up feeling so grateful to my parents for giving me so many brothers and sisters.

We all travelled to school together and had a little network of friends etc.

I loved family hols, which were restricted to cottages in the UK and camping, but they were like holiday camps.

Growing up we always had instant "friends" and we all played together. To my knowledge we never missed any of the things that we "missed out on". We just relished the things we had.

It wasn't all roses, and my mum is exhausted now, but with no regrets. I would love to have more children for this reason and have sadly accepted that it is just too hard for us (at the moment!). She never had a 'career 'as such, but a fantastic job which she loved.

I want a career and personal achievement in life, which I think is the main reason for sticking with two. I reckon it depends on what you want in life.