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Original poster

Are child reins a big faux pas?

142 replies

MerryMarigold · 26/01/2007 14:51

My friend's child is constantly running off and I always declared mine (who is now just walking) will be on reins as soon as he's running. But I never seem to see people using them. Why not?

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AlanasMum · 29/01/2007 11:26

We've just had to get rid of our cot
dd just screamed but thankfully her room is v safe so fingers crossed no hospital visits.

tinkerbellie · 29/01/2007 11:43

i'm dreading getting rid of the cot can't remember how old ds was when we did but dd is coming up to 16mths so wonlt be long off

ds just used to get out of bed every two mins did my head in

LadyPenelope · 29/01/2007 12:10

DD never had reins - except for when we were on hols in v. nice hotel when she was 18 months old and there were lots of pools, steep drops, etc around the hotel grounds. But in general she was always happy to hold hands and stay close to base.
DS is a totally different story ... he's got to be either in the buggy or on reins ... he's a sprinter. Even on the days when he's being compliant and you think " great he's going to hold my hand " , he will just make a sudden dash for freedom.
Fortunately, he doesn't complain about the reins much and it means he is safe. Obviously, if we are in a safe place like a park he's able to run free.
I expected lots of comments but actually haven't had any yet. Although, most people who have 5 mins in his company, would see the merits of the reins even if they were anti to start with!

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Dozeynoo · 29/01/2007 14:11

The highest reins count on toddlers I have ever seen was at a 'Thomas & Friends' day at Loughborogh station.

caterpiller · 29/01/2007 14:21

I still don't get this I'm afraid. Who came up with the idea that there was something wrong with reins? Why? Is there something wrong with strapping toddlers into their carseats too then? Or highchairs?

mummymic · 29/01/2007 14:23

i used reins on dd when she was sat up in her pram - to keep her from throwing herself overboard (esp when my mum was driving!) they also came in handy when the pram went to a pushchair and she could get out of the harness in the pushchair! then when ds2 was born she was 23 months and wanted to walk and was not v road aware - she wore them for a few months and now no more - ds2 is now wearing them in his pram and when he walks he will use them too!
my sister has never used them on my niece, but she never ever ran off!

swifterella · 29/01/2007 14:31

i'm with custardo on this- really who cares? I dont use them as i dont like them and my DS holds my hand. If he doesnt then he goes back in the buggy. end of. i think there is a fine line between being over-protective and reckless. at 7 year old girl wearing them though

swifterella · 29/01/2007 14:32

i meant over-protective and sensible

jellyhead · 29/01/2007 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgianmama · 29/01/2007 14:38

I think it depends on your child. If you've got one that dissappears in the blink of an eye, that's constantly wriggling out of your hands, that wont stay near you unless you use a harness and reins, then use them. My mum used them on my brother for just those reasons, while she never used them on me.
Belgo, you're right they are a major faux pas in Belgium. You don't see them at all there. In the UK though I've seen them used quite a lot.

Bodkin · 29/01/2007 15:14

Sorry, change of subject, but at a 16 month not being far off coming out of the cot! If they've got a sleeping bag, put it on back to front (zip at the back) and you can buy yourself at least another year!

lapsedrunner · 29/01/2007 15:48

I think they are essential in certain circumstances. They are a big, big faux pas here in Austria but I used them anyway

LucyLouise · 29/01/2007 16:00

Surely this is a no-brainer?
My DDs are 3 and 2. DD2 runs off at every available opportunity. Of course hand holding is the ideal solution but on the way to preschool I'm already laden with bags, toys and assorted paraphenalia and I only have two hands.
I'm pregnant and suffering from spd and running after errant children is not an option. So DD2 is on the end of a wrist rein thing.
Not sure whether I could live with myself if she ran onto a road and the unthinkable happened. Stuff what other people think. My children are safer when I do it my way.

homemama · 29/01/2007 16:25

Well I'm sorry if this upsets people but I've actually been present when a toddler was killed by a bus. We were at secondary school and waiting at the bus stop, as was he with his mum. For whatever reason he ran onto the road as the bus swung in sharply.
This was probably the most horrific experience of my young life (even though I didn't actually see it though many school friends did) Nothing compared to what his mothermust have felt though!

I cannot imagine that a little strap could look anything like as bad as a toddler's head squashed under a bus.

I'd continue to use them even if they were made illegal!

homemama · 29/01/2007 16:29

Even 20yrs later, typing that has made me cry!

climbingrosie · 29/01/2007 17:13

My DS went through a stage of running off all the time, reins would have been great, I ended up inventing my own version out of desperation...

On a hiking holiday in Europe he kept running off in the towns we visited so I resorted to tying him to me with a length of climbing rope we had and his climbing harness. There was no way I could run after him with a heavy rucksack on in a place I didn't know surrounded by people who spoke a different language to me!
I got a lot of funny looks and stares, especially when he was trailing behind me crying "don't tie me up...don't tie me up..." but it made the trip less stressful.
(strangely enough, he never minded being tied to me when we were on the side of a mountain! )

I used the threat of the rope for a while when we got back and took it in my handbag when we went out, now he stays with me unless I've given him permission to run.

If you feel your child will be safer with reins on, then use them, a child's safety is more important than other poeple's opinions and judgements.

becaroo · 29/01/2007 17:31

I did try a wrist strap with my ds when he was first toddling around. Lasted about 2.3 seconds. I put it on....he looked up at me, said "oh mummy!" in a very exaperated sort of way and promtly took it off. He was only 15 months old. If your child is happy to wear one and you feel safer/happier then do it (but be prepared for houdini like escapes!)

becaroo · 29/01/2007 17:33

Climbingrosie...am chuckling heartily

MuminBrum · 29/01/2007 19:56

I think they look very stylish and classy, especially if the old-fashioned leather ones, and I love seeing a toddler being allowed to walk along without having to hold its poor little hand up in the air to hold hands with a grownup. Having said that, I only used DS's set a couple of times as he is so good at walking to heel it seemed unnecessary - plus I only had the bog-standard mothercare nylon strap ones, not having been able to find an heirloom set of leather ones. The dog analogy is just bonkers - some dogs wear coats in cold weather, but no-one ever suggests you shouldn't put a child in a coat because dogs wear them, do they?

Medea · 29/01/2007 22:22

I was watching the American film from 1946 It's A Wonderful Life and there was a street scene with lots of extras, including a mother who had her little boy on reins.

It was one of those little moments that puts things in perspective, that shows how things go out of fashion and then come round again. I mean, I don't think anyone used reins in say the 70s when I was growing up. But they did in the 40s and they do now.

I'm totally of the "who cares" view, but then I always am.And I didn't have the kind of kids who would dash off. But if I did, I'd definitely use reins. I mean you'd be mad not to, if you know your kid is likely to dart off in to traffic, and if hand-holding doesn't do the trick?

Also I think it's a bit of a city vs country/suburb thing, too. You're probably more apt to need reins in a city like London, than in a suburb where you're shuttling your kid around in a car and don't need to brave much traffic except in the context of parking lots.

HaggisSupper · 30/01/2007 00:30

My DS has been on reins since he was 11 months old. He's now 20 months old and if it just the two of us I will let him walk without them and he's pretty good at taking my hand. However, I have a 9 month old DD as well and if we are not taking the double buggy when we all go out, he is on his reins. I can't trust him not to run away if I am momentarily distracted by DD and I would rather put up with funny looks from people (not that I've had any)than a lost or injured toddler.

ingym23 · 30/01/2007 08:22

I've got a three month old and a two and half year old who runs off all the time. I put them both in a double pushchair if I have to go out to the shops, or on the way to / from nursery.

I also have a wrist strap. I sometimes give DS2.8 the choice of either going in the pushchair, or wearing the wriststrap.

It's a bit embarrassing when we're out and about and he says "I want the strap, I want the strap"!

I would so love for him to just to be able to walk beside me with some level of control, and hope this running off is just a stage that he will grow out of soon!

fortyplus · 30/01/2007 10:03

I didn't need them with ds1, who was born 'sensible'. But ds2 was another matter!

I just made a game of it - I was his dog and he was taking me for a walk.

Who cares what anyone thinks?

luckymummybigfattummy · 30/01/2007 13:33

Here's a story for you all......I was in the lift in a dept store when a woman walked in with a toddler on reins. I thought nothing of it, in fact, would consider using them with dd when she walks/runs. (8 mths old). Anyway, another lady in the lift started making comments to mother of reined child about the fact she was using reins. What an interfering cow, I thought.

A week later, the same interfering old cow arrived at my baby clinic. Started making comments about little boys who play with little girls toys and how she 'hoped to God they wouldn't turn out gay' etc etc. I kept my mouth shut at first, but she kept going on, then couldn't resist a bit of comeuppance for the old cow, so I said (which is true!) "well my brother had lots of boys toys and loved his train set and cars, and he is gay". she then replied "Oh, how awful for you...how do you feel about that? you poor thing". (!!!!!!) So I said, "fine, no problem at all". She then looked a little embarassed and said (can u believe this) "well actually sometimes they can be nicer than NORMAL people" !! I said "HE IS NORMAL!!". She said "I mean, they can be quite nice and quite ordinary". I said (getting quite cross now) "HE IS NICE, NORMAL, ORDINARY, HE IS ANOTHER HUNMAN BEING"!!!!.
Ok, completely off the reins tangent, but the thread reminded me of the situation. Can you believe anyone of our generation could be such a bigot!!!!!!!
busy body bossy cow.......

fortyplus · 30/01/2007 13:49

Good grief!!

How about this - one of my friends has a brother who is homophobic... even though he's gay!
He hates everything about being gay, hates 'glad to be gay' men.
Poor sod. It probably stems from bigoted views forced on him as a child. At least gay teenegers these days are seen as 'normal'. I was amazed at a friend's daughter's 18th bd party that there were quite a few same sex couples openly dancing together and snogging.
That would never have happened in the 70s - at least not in suburbia.
Friends from minority races & religions also say that life is easier for them now - despite all the media hype about white yobs targeting Muslims etc.
So maybe the country isn't really going downhill?