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Parenting

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Original poster

Boyfriend not the dad-can it still work?

39 replies

user1467619390 · 12/07/2016 15:02

Long time reader, first time poster. Sorry if it's a bit long. So it's a complicated one. We found out after my baby was born that she isn't my boyfriends. She's from a one night stand I had during a short breakup in our relationship. Unfortunately I believed all through the pregnancy that it was BFs so didn't say anything until I realized when she was born. I had used contraception with this guy and thought there was no way it could be his, but baby looks like him and nothing like BF. We've had massive arguments as you can imagine, and it's all my fault for not being honest in the first place. But we keep coming back to the fact that we love each other and we are both just so sad and disappointed that we don't have the family we thought we would have. We love the LO of course but when I look at her she reminds me of the other guy, and he can't look at her as his own, even though he spent 9 months waiting for her. I'm surprised he's still with me tbh. It's driving us both mad inside and we haven't been able to talk about it properly yet. No one else really knows. I want to know if there are fathers out there who have taken on someone else's baby as their own from birth, and how everyone coped with it, or not?

OP posts:

WellErrr · 15/07/2016 09:08

And skin colour. My DH and I both have olive skin, but babies were pink as piglets. They're definitely olive now though.

Imknackeredzzz · 15/07/2016 09:23

Your judging the paternity of a 2 month old baby on appearance?!! Really?!!
That's ludicrous

Butterworthbees · 15/07/2016 09:27

Honestly if you used contraception with OM and you didn't with your dp I would be willing to bet money that your dp is the father.

Pretty much all babies are born with blue eyes and lighter skin that they end up with. You cant tell by looking at a 2 month old who is the dad between two essentially Caucasian men.

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Scarydinosaurs · 15/07/2016 09:31

Make no decisions until you are equipped with all the information. Do a DNA test.

LilacInn · 15/07/2016 10:26

Nearly all babies have blue eyes. Mine were and now so dark brown nearly black.

Why did you jump the gun and tell your partner re the ONS? Because of eye color?!

DNA test takes only a cheek swab. Get it done.

twinkletoedelephant · 15/07/2016 10:33

I have twins that look nothing like either parent or each other.... only 1 has a passing resemblance to older sibling

Get a DNA it's the only way to know....

mouldycheesefan · 15/07/2016 10:41

All this aggro could be for nothing. Get the test done, unless you enjoy the drama? It would seem strange for two months to go by and the test not to have been done.

99percentchocolate · 15/07/2016 10:42

My DD looked nothing like my DP when she was born and still doesn't. She is the absolute clone of me, just a bit fairer. If I wasn't 100% sure that he was the father then I would have panicked too. There really is nothing of him in her at all. She was born with blue eyes which are now brown.
My DS is 2 months like your DD. He was born with ginger hair and just in the last couple of days it has started to go brown. Neither myself or DP are ginger, but both are brown.
Get a DNA test - at this age babies don't look

99percentchocolate · 15/07/2016 10:42

Pressed send too soon!
Don't look much like one or the other parent yet. That develops over the whole of the first year.

Original poster

user1467619390 · 15/07/2016 12:17

I started to worry when DD was born and wasn't dark like DP. I figured dark genes were always dominant. If there had been no OM we would have joked about it and moved on. But because there was and it was weighing on my mind I told him. It may just be a coincidence that DD resembles OM, and over time I get that her appearance will change a lot.

It may sound like I'm making this up and I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking that, but it's causing a lot of mental anguish for both of us.

I know, get a dna. I'll put the foot down and insist on it.

OP posts:

Caterina99 · 15/07/2016 13:57

My DS is now 1. Looks nothing like DH and never has. He's like a mini version of my dad

ChicagoBull · 15/07/2016 14:15

This is crazy, my olive skinned brown eyed kids were born pink & blue eyed. Just get a test asap.
Your poor dp though...even if she is his

Sparklesilverglitter · 15/07/2016 14:18

i know, get a dna. I'll put the food down and insist on it.

Yes OP that's what you need to do. You both need to know for sure who the father is and you can't go on not knowing

Msqueen33 · 15/07/2016 14:29

None of my kids looked like my husband when younger. Nor are they similar to look at. Babies eyes start blue but can change. My eldest looks like my dad. Younger two look like me. Eldest has olive skin, blue eyes and is tiny. Middle has fair skin, blue eyes and white blonde hair, youngest has fair skin, blue eyes and dark blonde hair. My husband has blue eyes, black hair, very olive skin and is very unusual looking (people often think he's form abroad). A DNA test is your only answer basing on appearance is silly.

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