Two under two - thoughts / experience?

[NorthLondonMum83]

Just that really. My DS Is 11 months old, just realised I'm pg again. First cycle trying after a long time breastfeeding, slightly in shock. Had MC and took then a wee while to conceive number one - so in a way we only started trying to quickly as I expected it to take forever. Absolutely delighted and always wanted an age gap as small as possible. Am however flipping terrified at prospect of the sickness and tiredness with an active toddler and a full time job (going back in 2 weeks!) - I know that there are plenty of mums on here with two under two...I think I'm just looking for some reassurance / advice since I can't tell anyone IRL yet!

Yes, our older one continued two short days a week at nursery. Good continuity for him, and some time away from the baby so it's not constantly in his face.

We have 16 months between ours now 14 and 15 they've always been really close played together loads. The first year or so was hard but since it's been great they're so close.

Just to let you know I've literally just started living this. Ds 1 is 18 months. Ds2 is 5 weeks. Yesterday was the first day I had them both together alone and I was literally terrified! It was pretty hard work I won't lie!

Ds1 is going to nursery 2 days a week and tbh after yesterday I can see that that is sensible for everyone! The hardest thing so far seems to be trying to breastfeed with a bored toddler in tow. The toddler is very active and won't be fobbed off with reading a book or anything like that either- he wants to be outside running or kicking his ball which i can't do if I'm feeding!

The sling has been good so far - ds2 has bad wind and cries if he gets put down flat too soon after feeding.

The pregnancy was very hard as I had hyperemesis and was throwing up 10 plus times a day at one point. That was a low few months trying to take care of a baby/toddler when I felt so terrible. It got better after about 15 weeks though.

It's good to see that there are others out there in the same boat!

And I guess that getting as much help from friends and family as possible too...? My mum might be on notice not to have a holiday for a month or two... I'm worried by eldest will lack the huge amount of attention I can give him now but, at the same time, he won't remember being on his own and I guess there are positives to that. I was 7 when my younger sibling was born and I still remember finding it difficult!

I just missed 2 under 2 by having a 25 month gap but dc2 turned out to be Dt's so ended up with 3 under 3..stereo newborns and a bouncy 2yr old. The end of the pregnancy was the hardest as I was blue whale proportions (measured 56 weeks by fundal height at 34 weeks) and could barely walk but somehow managed. There is, obviously, a relentlesness about stereo newborns (someone always needs a feed or a change) but found making sure the 2yr old was occupied was the key thing. Newborns sleep and are waaaay more portable than hefty toddlers. We did loads of going out and about taking 2yr old to park and being out of the house lots/as much as poss to keep him busy and arranged lots of playdates at mine so he had company and I had an extra adult for conversation /kettle putting on. Yes there were days when I fell asleep on the floor and days where I would eat my lunch in the car as they'd all fallen asleep in there but we all survived, I found being ultra organised re feeds and kit for a day out saved my sanity. I was also incredibly lucky that dc1 was a good sleeper and the Dt's went 11pm til 7am from around 8 weeks as I imposed a feeding routine (which some will say is evil but I needed to stay sane) . Good luck. Your kids will be close it will be fab.

.... Should add I had no family support but friends wth dc's were fab and I had dc1 at nursery 2 days a week for as long as I could afford whilst I had some maternity pay.

I was in similar position to Placeinthesun, just the other way round. Twins were 22 months when dd was born. Tbf having survived twins for that time an extra one was a breeze. Just don't stress, organisation is your friend. A well stocked changing bag complete with toys and treats always helped when out and baby gates, room dividers for those moments when you need to keep them apart, like when you need to wee! Fond memories of placing dd in bouncy chair on kitchen floor so I could go to the loo...coming back to find the twins lobbing their toys at her over the babygate

We lived 150 miles away from family and no nursery/childcare for the older one, plus DH works away a lot so it was pretty tough. Rope in as much help as possible.

My now 2 year old tried to drop his nap at 18m. We continued to enforce an hour of quiet time in his cot each day and he resumed naps, sometimes with a bit of protest, but I'm so grateful for the hour or two of peace with a newborn (7 weeks).
It is hard at the moment, and you need somewhere you can quickly put the baby down in every room, a pram, a cot, a swing. I also have a full nappy changing kit upstairs and downstairs, including changes of baby grow.
I have sort of got the hang of breastfeeding in a sling this time (only for emergencies eg when I'm running round getting the older one dinner) and so far have only used sling + buggy to get around, though we do have a double which I plan to use when the youngest is heavier.

17 months between mine. I have no idea what it was like, my mind has blanked it out. No, seriously. It was bloody hard. Don't ever want to go back there again. It's why I've only got two. The sleep deprivation was a killer. But it doesn't last for ever and life is probably easier in the long run with two close together in age. Well done for going back to work, I gave up my job when I was pg before the end of my first maternity leave. Big mistake.

Wow those of you with twins are really putting my fears into perspective!

Congratulations

My two are 20 months apart and now (age 2 and nearly 4) are the very best of friends and love playing together. They are inseparable even at nursery, DC1 starting school will be hard for them.

I found keeping the eldest in nursery really helpful. And giving her lots of positive attention and praise.

They're both now asking when the third baby will come as they want another sibling no chance!

I have a 13 month age gap. Similar to OP thought it would take a long time to conceive DC2.
The start was really hard. I'd had a c section and DS just wanted cuddles and cried when the baby cried and bit me when I fed her.
Now they are 21 and 8 months it's really lovely. I think once they are doing more things at the same time such as meals, nap, bath, bedtime, it's a lot easier than the constant milk feeding early days and everyone us much more used to it.
I had a lot of people with bigger age gaps telling me it'd be a nightmare and feeling sorry for me which kind of ruined the pregnancy to be honest. Now I think it was best for my family as the relationship between them is lovely.

And we had no help, no family near and couldn't afford childcare. Get help if you can but if you can't it's still achievable

Ds1 was 22 months old when ds2 was born - and then I had almost exactly 2 years between ds2 and ds3.

I found that the step up from no babies to one was much harder and more of a shock than from one to two, or from two to three. I think this was because I learned a lot from having ds1 - the tips and shortcuts that you pick up during the first year or so of having your first baby that let you have a moment to yourself for a wee or a cup of coffee - when you have no2, those shortcuts help you manage the time so you can manage two at once.

Plus you are already skilled in things like nappy changing, dressing the baby, feeding them etc, so you don't have all those skills to learn again. And you are well used to sleep deprivation.

I think I was more relaxed with ds2 than ds1, and even more relaxed with ds3 - it was perfectly expressed, for me, by this

Baby No1 drops their toy/dummy on the floor - you wash it in hot, soapy water, sterilise it and give it back.

Baby No 2 drops their toy/dummy - you wash it and give it back.

Baby No 3 drops the toy/dummy, and you lick it or wipe it down your top and give it back.

All three babies in this scenario are now strapping lads - two at university and one with a degree, a career and even a promotion under his belt.

SDT that's super helpful thanks. Abbey interesting about the negativity, I did tell person as they pretty much guessed - they don't actually have kids themselves but still told me that it was utterly insane and would be really hard. So I'm braced for that...

Yeah I got told I was insane too. I think they were right though . Our second wasn't planned and I certainly wouldn't have chosen that age gap but it is what it is and it's all fine now!

People telling you you're insane is so annoying. The day I finished work for this mat leave one of my colleagues said "Good luck, you'll need it, it's going to be incredibly hard! Still, you can't do anything about it now!"

I was a bit

She was wrong anyway. It's hard, but as a pp said, it's harder going from none to one than one to two. You're already a pro at so many things!

I have a 16 month age gap and it was hard but they're 7 & 8 now and best of friends - so much easier than friends of mine with big age gaps.

My mum had 4 under 3 though so my baby woes paled into comparison tbh!

I too got really sick of the comments when I was pregnant about how I was going to "have my hands full". I didn't find it helpful and it just made me panic and worry. However, like a few of you I didn't expect such an age gap. Ds1 was an ivf baby and I thought it would take 2 years or something to get pregnant again (if it was even possible....). Now thT ds2 is here I'm trying to think of the short term pain being worth it for the long term gain....

Abbeyroad- interesting you say that ds1 bit you when you fed the baby. I'm having this right now. He kicks me, hits me and tries to bite me..[sad. I feel bad for him as it's just for attention but he needs to learn that I can't give him my undivided attention anymore. What did you do in response?

I have to say I found going from 1 to 2 harder than going from 0 to 1. I had time to focus on number 1. With number 2 I felt neither were getting enough attention. Plus I had 2 non sleepers instead of 1 to deal with! If one was asleep the other was awake.

Mine are now 11 and 10. There's 13 months between them. The first year of baby 2 was a haze of sleep deprivation but you get through it.

My advice would be don't put expectations on yourself. If they're healthy and happy, then the washing, dishes, whatever it's not that important. My eldest spent a year in non matching socks because honestly, I had better things to do than fight with the sock monster who steals those things.

Try to fit in time for you. This becomes much more important with 2 under 2.

In my experience, sharing a bedroom when they got older was a bad idea - they stayed up all night talking gibberish to each other for three nights in a row before I separated them again.

Time some separate naps so they both get individual time with you.

But I'm glad they were so close together because they are best friends now.

Chattycat A few things with lots of trial and lots of errors were to give DS a drink at the same time. Then they were both having their milk. Also found physical proximity helped so if he was playing on the floor I'd feed near him. I guess in his mind it was perhaps a form of separation / being ignored? He was more bothered about my lack of attention than jealousy towards DD if that makes sense?
It was an awful phase though.
Oh and praised any good behaviour or attempt at it such as bringing a muslin over even if DS was a bit clumsy or rough or item brought over was no use just trying to guide behaviour in the right direction really.

18month gap here.

The baby days were fine.

It's now that's shit! (2 and 3) Sorry! Just being honest!

Honestly though, babies are ridiculously easy. You only realise this once you have number 2. The first six months (the first 6 weeks aside!) will be a breeze.