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Original poster

the urge to have number 3, did you have it (the urge) and ignore it?

53 replies

undergroundernie · 23/01/2007 13:24

I have 2, ds is 4 dd 2.7, I miscarried in Nov at 6 weeks. For quite some time I have periodically thought about having number 3, practically it's not impossible but it would be a lot of hard work, the potential age difference keeps increasing, I like my growing independence. However I keep getting that urge now and then. Has anyone felt this but done nothing, and then found that the urge gradually goes away as your children grow?

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Mog · 23/01/2007 20:51

I had the urge for three and it wouldn't go away. I'm glad I did but I found it really hard work. If you think you could be settled with 2 I would stay at two.
Lots of things are harder with three. Nowadays you can't go swimming with 3 on your own, it's much longer getting everyone out and ready, doing any kind of focused work with one means getting the other two occupied and settled. There just never seems to be enough of me. I love the dynamic of three and two just never felt right for us. We had dd and ds and it all felt a bit too average!

expatinscotland · 23/01/2007 20:53

I'm fighting it now.

We can't afford it.

I'll be 36 next month and my last pregnancy was soooo hard on me.

I also get PND.

Really trying to ignore it entirely by rationalising it's a biological thing.

Putting a scientific spin on it helps.

Sparkler1 · 23/01/2007 20:55

Oh god yes - most definitely had the urge but, unfortunately, dh didn't. I have had the most humungous broody feeling for number 3 for quite some time but I think I'm coming through it now. Like lots of people said on here - I've had that strong longing then I also get days where I don't have the patience or enough time for the two children I already have and then reality kicks in. DH is adamant he wants no more and I think he is right. He told me that even if I had three I would want four/five/six.
Not sure if this "urge" is something that will ever go away completely.
He's booked in for the snip now so I am enjoying the two happy and healthy children that I have been blessed with.

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Original poster
undergroundernie · 23/01/2007 20:55

Thats good thinking expat, I will try that.

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Original poster
undergroundernie · 23/01/2007 20:57

Sparkler, thats what I want to know - that I can come through it. I realistically do not want another baby but some part of my head has definately not got the message yet.

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zephyrcat · 23/01/2007 21:00

I had the urge for number 3 but resigned myself to it not happening. I already had dd and ds and we were plodding along nicely. The urge wouldn't go away though and before you know it along came dd2!!

She isd 9 months now. DD1 has just turned 5 and ds is 2.7. It is hard work, I can't deny it, but the house is always so lively and there is always something going on, I love that. They love each other to bits when they aren't bickering and refusing to share!

It changed the dimensions a fair bit as dd1 and ds are/were very very close and now dd1 is very much into her new sister but ds doesn't like her as much, he wants dd1.

Go for it!

Forgot to say that now dd2 is here, the urge has totally gone and I feel our family is complete

bananaloaf · 23/01/2007 21:12

i have waves of wanting a third i'll be 37 soon dss are 3.5 and 10months. then i think of the cost and how realistically we would never get our head above water intill i was 58 and dh was 68 given that the last one would leave home at 20 . in fact writing it down like that the waves have become still

Dottydot · 23/01/2007 21:16

dp and I have both had the urge to have a third (she'd do the pregnancy bit, not me!), but we're resisting.

Ds's are 5 and nearly 3 and the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to shine very brightly in terms of no more nappies, no pushchair, kids at school... sigh..!

Dp's quite broody at the moment and likes being at home and being a Mum, but at the same time the thought of starting all over again... Don't know if we could do it.

Also the thought that further down the line we could have both boys having left school and off in the big wide world, and an 11/12 year old still at home.

I think rationally it's a BIG no, but the urge to have more babies is completely irrational - not sure what's going to win at the moment!

eviletc · 23/01/2007 21:18

i have 3. only one is biologically mine (2 sdcs). i have never had only one child. 2 to 3 was actually ok...am i kidding myself 3 to 4 would be ok...?!

am no help on this thread

eidsvold · 23/01/2007 21:21

had the urge - did not ignore it and no3 is Due in Mar!!

shimmy21 · 23/01/2007 21:31

had the urge - got a dog

that did the trick

LowFatMilkshake · 23/01/2007 21:37

DD is 3 and DS is 6 wks, watched the film cheaper by the dozen 2 and was jealous of PG lady and big family. Very sad my body wont host another baby etc.

Then had sleepless night with DS and thought 'I must have been mad last night'

Sorry to hear about M/C. Have suffered 3 and they do make you more determined!

XX

Original poster
undergroundernie · 25/01/2007 18:43

Thank-you everybody, my new current plan is firstly to consider the Focus C-Max (as we want to replace our car and that would at least give us the option of 3 seats in the back) and then to try for a baby for 3-6 months so I know we've given it our best shot. It nothing happens then c'est la vie and I will focus on all the good things about growing independence and ignore the occasional broody urge. Then hopefully the broody urges will get less and less as my two grow.
Now I shall try to stop thinking about this particularly during nighttime hours when I should be asleep.

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ScoobyDooooo · 25/01/2007 19:16

I have the urge too & if we were not in the circumstances we are in at the moment i would love to try BUT dp is adament no more he s happy with the 2 we have.

Ds is 4.4 & starting school in september & dd is 1 i honestly thought that after dd i would feel complete but that feeling is just not there yet, i always ask myself if that feeling would ever be there? i do hope so & i sort of think just 1 more would make it complete.

I would never have more than 3 children because i just think i would crack

It is a hard descision to make but good luck

I also think to myself that if i got pg & had no 3 then i would never regret it but if i did not try for no 3 then think i would regret it.

twoplusone · 25/01/2007 20:39

I have a DD 10years and DS 2.5years when DS was 10days old I wanted another baby.. Then I kept going onband off the idea about having number 3.. DH couldnt make his mind up.. We moved in November but as we were sorting out for ht e packers in Sept we found a big box of baby clothes and toys so decided to sort them out.. That was the turning pint.. we decided to see what happens,. We gave ourselves a year till DH has the snip.. In Nov I had a big fat +

Number 3 is due in July..

But it is already having an impact need to change car etc...

Pitchounette · 25/01/2007 21:07

Message withdrawn

improvingslowly · 25/01/2007 21:58

i have 2 and was desperate for a third, dp was definite we would stop at 2 and if i wnated 3rd, i was on my own. i felt v hurt and sad for good while, but now that have 2 happy , healthy school age children who get on well, no one is left out etc and who i know i can easily look after without stressing self out, feel it was right outcome.

Sparkler1 · 26/01/2007 00:04

I definitely feel more positive that I do not want another than I did a few months ago. DH and I had a really long chat and he made me think a lot about things. We talked about how lucky we both were to have two such beautiful, happy and healthy girls. Maybe we might not be so lucky next time (both girls were born with cords round necks so bit of a scary time was had). We have decided that we are just going to enjoy the two of them and watch them grow up and savour every moment. DH and I are also starting to get more time back for each other - much needed after the tiring days and sleepless nights of young babies - and yes the being able to sleep through the nights is much back in our lives again now.
I am now appreciating everything I have now, instead of longing for more. IYKWIM.

mrsnoah · 26/01/2007 00:20

Underground I had the urge for 7 years and it took that long to act on it
(so glad we did, he is the light of our lives)

The independence can wait a bit longer.

And yes the urge does go away... when you are done!!

nearlyfourbob · 26/01/2007 05:11

I had a brief urge to go from 1 to 2. But it did go away, especially as ds got over 3 when I realised that I would never have to put another pram in a car, get up at night except in exceptional circumstance etc.

Having said that our house and car are big enough and I haven't got rid of the pram or the really small baby clothes...

dejags · 26/01/2007 05:56

Had it. Decided to do something about it.

Then decided not to do something about it.

2 months later got the surprise of our lives. Hey presto I am now 23 weeks pregnant.

When this baby is born will have a DS1-6; DS2-2 & DD-0

Ripeberry · 16/02/2007 10:54

I would love to try for a 3rd, i have 2 dd.
But at the last birth i had a 3rd degree tear and had to have an operation.
Next time i get pregnant i WILL HAVE TO have a caessarian.
Last time i tore was because i was trying to avoid one.
And anyway it would not be fair of the middle child.
Two is a nice rounded figure.
AB

McDreamy · 16/02/2007 10:56

aawww I want another one

eldestgirl · 16/02/2007 11:04

Felt a huge urge to have a third and acted on it. Due any minute....

McDreamy · 16/02/2007 11:05

And how do you feel about it? Stupid question really!! How exciting for you!